Scientists agree that many people eat too much junk food and it is damaging their health. Some people think that this problem can be solved by educating people while others believe that this education will not work. Discuss both view and give your opinion.
Sample Response
The surge in scientific research on junk food has increasingly highlighted its harmful health effects due to overconsumption. Some argue that educating consumers is an effective solution, while others remain doubtful. In this essay, I will discuss both perspectives and explain why I favor the second approach. On the one hand, education could serve as an effective tool for addressing this issue, as it can raise awareness about the health risks associated with junk food. Many consumers are unaware that such food hardly fits into a healthy diet and, when consumed excessively, can quickly lead to obesity. Moreover, chronic diseases like cardiovascular conditions or diabetes often develop gradually, unlike short-term problems such as weight gain. This delayed onset may explain why many individuals, even when aware of junk food’s negative effects, choose to ignore them. Therefore, raising awareness of both the short- and long-term health consequences is crucial in combating unhealthy eating habits. Nevertheless, despite awareness campaigns, there might hardly a significant reduction in junk food consumption, largely due to the affordability and convenience of such foods. A recent survey in China revealed that low-income families often have to rely on cheap fast food rather than expensive, healthier ingredients. Thus, a viable solution could be to implement taxes on junk food and make healthier options, like fresh vegetables, more affordable. Additionally, in today’s fast-paced world, many working individuals lack the time and energy to prepare home-cooked meals. Therefore, governments could mandate companies to reduce working hours, allowing people more time to prepare proper meals. In conclusion, both sides of the argument have their own merits. However, I believe that education programs may not be effective unless combined with government policies that address food prices and the time constraints preventing healthy meal preparation. If implemented systematically, these measures could reduce junk food consumption and related health problems.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use the right referent Original: approach Suggested revision: perspective Why it matters: The introduction presents two perspectives, so 'perspective' provides the accurate reference.
- 2. Improve natural phrasing Original: such food hardly fits into a healthy diet Suggested revision: such food is generally incompatible with a healthy diet Why it matters: The revision conveys the same idea in a more natural academic expression.
- 3. Add the missing verb Original: there might hardly a significant reduction Suggested revision: there might be little significant reduction Why it matters: The existential construction requires 'be', and 'little' correctly modifies the noun phrase.
- 4. Use formal wording Original: cheap Suggested revision: inexpensive Why it matters: 'Inexpensive' is more precise and suitably formal for this comparison.
- 5. Use correct collocation Original: implement Suggested revision: impose Why it matters: Governments normally 'impose' a tax rather than 'implement' one.
- 6. Introduce examples formally Original: options, like fresh vegetables, Suggested revision: options, such as fresh vegetables, Why it matters: 'Such as' introduces the example more precisely in formal writing.
- 7. Use natural construction Original: mandate Suggested revision: require Why it matters: 'Require companies to' is the more natural construction for the proposed regulation.
- 8. Specify the doubt Original: remain doubtful Suggested revision: doubt that education alone will work Why it matters: The revision states explicitly what the opposing group doubts.
- 9. Use natural preposition Original: in Suggested revision: to Why it matters: 'Crucial to' is the standard collocation before a gerund.
- 10. Complete the comparison Original: expensive, healthier ingredients Suggested revision: more expensive, healthier ingredients Why it matters: The comparative form matches the preceding contrast with cheap fast food.
- 11. Choose precise wording Original: proper Suggested revision: nutritious Why it matters: 'Nutritious' identifies the health-related quality intended by 'proper'.
- 12. Sentence rewrite Original: The surge in scientific research on junk food has increasingly highlighted its harmful health effects due to overconsumption. Suggested revision: Scientific research increasingly highlights the harmful health effects of excessive junk-food consumption. Why it matters: The rewrite removes the awkward combination of 'surge' and 'increasingly' and attaches overconsumption clearly to junk food.
Suggested Rewrites
- approach perspective
- such food hardly fits into a healthy diet such food is generally incompatible with a healthy diet
- there might hardly a significant reduction there might be little significant reduction
- cheap inexpensive
- implement impose
- options, like fresh vegetables, options, such as fresh vegetables,
Why this response received Band 7.5
The response addresses both perspectives, sustains a clear qualified opinion, and develops its reasoning with relevant explanations about awareness, affordability, and time constraints. Its main limitation is presentation as a single paragraph, which obscures the otherwise strong progression, alongside a few awkward grammatical formulations. The highest-priority improvement is to separate the argument into purposeful paragraphs and polish isolated sentence-level errors.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views are directly discussed, and the qualified opinion is clear, relevant, and well supported throughout.
Strengthen the skeptical perspective further by stating more explicitly why information alone may fail to change behaviour.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument progresses logically through well-signposted stages, but the absence of paragraph breaks weakens the organisation.
Divide the introduction, two perspectives, and conclusion into distinct paragraphs with clear controlling ideas.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied, precise, and appropriately academic, with effective control of topic-specific language.
Refine a few less natural combinations so that sophisticated wording remains consistently idiomatic.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is used accurately, with only occasional non-impeding errors or awkward constructions.
Correct isolated patterns such as 'there might hardly a significant reduction' by checking auxiliary and verb requirements.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Scientists agree that many people eat too much junk food and it is damaging their health. Some people think that this problem can be solved by educating people while others believe that this education will not work. Discuss both view and give your opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.