Some people say education is the only critical factor to the development of a country. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Sample Response
One the one hand good education is a highly recommended skill in the developed countries, on the other hand the highest wish of many people in regions of poverty. But what makes education to the key factor for the development of a country? We must acknowledge that education is something that we all need. The differences are just what we learn. Mostly the limited educational horizons of poor and less educated people have more to deal with their personal situation than with problems of bigger effects on a country. Attending school is sometimes too expensive and it does not feed a family.
Nevertheless there must be a reason for education. For me it looks like some countries have realized that Education is the key for the globalization process. If we take India for example we can see that a change in the educational system had changed the economy of the country. The country has changed from a poor region to a high potential aria for IT knowledge.
In regard to this fact it is a must that the Governments of less developed countries take the power of education seriously and offer it to a wide range of people. Spending money for education is the key for a new future effects on the economy and social life. All in all I agree with the importance of education for the development of a country. Less knowledge leads to poverty and not to knowledge that has wide effects. Learning and Knowledge is Power and an investment in the near future and therefore it has to be an official task.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Fix opening phrase Original: One the one hand Suggested revision: On the one hand, Why it matters: The fixed expression requires 'On' and a following comma.
- 2. Use natural collocation Original: highly recommended skill Suggested revision: highly valued asset Why it matters: Education is an asset rather than a skill that can be recommended.
- 3. Remove unnecessary article Original: the developed countries Suggested revision: developed countries Why it matters: The plural noun refers to developed countries generally, so no definite article is needed.
- 4. Separate contrasting clauses Original: , on the other hand Suggested revision: ; on the other hand, Why it matters: A semicolon correctly separates the two contrasting independent clauses.
- 5. Choose precise wording Original: the highest wish Suggested revision: a major aspiration Why it matters: 'A major aspiration' expresses the intended idea more naturally.
- 6. Use concise phrasing Original: regions of poverty Suggested revision: impoverished regions Why it matters: This adjective-noun combination is the natural way to describe poor regions.
- 7. Fix verb pattern Original: makes education to the key factor Suggested revision: makes education the key factor Why it matters: The verb 'make' takes an object complement without 'to'.
- 8. Clarify the idea Original: Mostly the limited educational horizons Suggested revision: In most cases, the limited educational opportunities Why it matters: The revision uses a clear sentence adverb and a more accurate noun for access to education.
- 9. Fix awkward expression Original: have more to deal with Suggested revision: are more closely related Why it matters: This collocation clearly expresses the relationship between the two ideas.
- 10. Use precise phrase Original: problems of bigger effects on a country Suggested revision: broader national problems Why it matters: The original phrase is unclear and unidiomatic.
- 11. Strengthen the wording Original: a reason for education Suggested revision: a strong rationale for education Why it matters: 'Rationale' more precisely conveys a justification for education.
- 12. Use academic phrasing Original: For me it looks like Suggested revision: It appears that Why it matters: This impersonal expression is more concise and appropriate for an academic essay.
Suggested Rewrites
- One the one hand On the one hand,
- highly recommended skill highly valued asset
- the developed countries developed countries
- , on the other hand ; on the other hand,
- the highest wish a major aspiration
- regions of poverty impoverished regions
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response stays relevant and uses the India example to show how education can influence national development. Its main limitation is that it agrees with education’s importance without directly addressing the crucial claim that education is the only critical factor, while frequent language errors sometimes blur the argument. State a precise position on exclusivity, compare education with at least one other development factor, and support that comparison clearly.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response discusses education’s value and gives a relevant example, but it never clearly answers whether education is the only critical development factor.
State a direct position on the word only and develop a comparison between education and at least one other national priority.
Coherence and Cohesion
The three-paragraph structure creates a broad progression from context to example and conclusion, although the opening is diffuse and some linking expressions are inaccurate.
Give each paragraph one explicit purpose and use transitions that accurately show whether the next point adds, contrasts, or concludes.
Lexical Resource
The response uses sufficient development-related vocabulary, but recurring spelling and collocation problems often reduce precision.
Replace awkward combinations with natural phrases such as access to education, economic development, and a centre with strong IT expertise.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response attempts varied sentence structures, but frequent errors with articles, prepositions, agreement, and word forms weaken control.
Prioritise accurate clause construction and proofread each sentence for articles, verb forms, and subject–verb agreement.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people say education is the only critical factor to the development of a country. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.