Some people believe that education is the key to tackling hunger worldwide, while others feel that the answer lies in food aid. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Sample Response
Many individuals think that education helps to go through poverty and starvation around the world. However, there is an opposite view that food aid is the most important to deal with it. I firmly believe that both education and food aid are helpful in solving this problem. There is no doubt that education can help poor people become wealthier and be able to provide themselves, for example, buy groceries and pay bills. This happens because after school graduation teenagers are able to find only low payable jobs and most of them cannot cover their bills or buy enough food to survive. For this reason, many people go to University to study. Moreover, in the highly competitive business environment after completing degree most of the graduates can find better jobs with higher income rather than they were able to do after school. Also, there is no end of tertiary education as people can do a masters degree and the salary of those will increase gradually. All these examples are the sufficient evidence that education is a major source of obtaining wealthy lifestyle. To develop and progress as a nation, the citizens must be educated. The globalisation has made it possible to live and work in any country but to do so someone has to be educated and skilled. The migrated people also send a huge sum of revenue that helps the country to develop. Hence to alleviate the poverty and hunger, education is the key. In terms of fighting the hunger and poverty globally, education helps to make the people be skilled and more efficient. For instance, an educated farmer has far more potential to contribute to producing more crops than an uneducated farmer. The Same rule applies in all other sectors as well. The next point that needs to be taken into consideration is that food aid obviously helps to tackle starvation over the world because it is the first necessary thing to do when people are hungry. For example, there are places in Africa where individuals are dying from hunger because there is no food and job prospect there. For this reason, food aid is vital in helping those and after that ensuring education and training could be helpful. Education is not achieved overnight and to educate a generation in a country needs a huge budget. On the contrary, people are dying from hunger and scarcity of food. Those people need immediate aid and the education could be a long term vision to make them self-reliant. To sum up, although some group of people argue education is the most crucial to deal with starvation and others believe that the food aid is the way to solve this issue, I would argue that the combination of both are required to support hungry people around the world.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural collocation Original: helps to go through poverty and starvation Suggested revision: helps people overcome poverty and starvation Why it matters: People overcome poverty and starvation; education does not 'go through' them.
- 2. Add the missing noun Original: the most important to deal with it Suggested revision: the most important way to deal with it Why it matters: The superlative adjective needs a noun to complete the phrase.
- 3. Add the preposition Original: provide themselves Suggested revision: provide for themselves Why it matters: The verb takes 'for' when it means meeting one's own needs.
- 4. Use correct adjective Original: low payable jobs Suggested revision: low-paid jobs Why it matters: 'Low-paid' is the standard adjective for jobs with poor wages.
- 5. Use lowercase university Original: University Suggested revision: university Why it matters: University is not a proper name in this general reference.
- 6. Add an article Original: after completing degree Suggested revision: after completing a degree Why it matters: The singular countable noun 'degree' requires an article.
- 7. Use plural incomes Original: income Suggested revision: incomes Why it matters: The plural workers and jobs call for the plural noun 'incomes'.
- 8. Fix the comparison Original: rather than they were able to do after school Suggested revision: than they could after leaving school Why it matters: This comparative structure requires 'than' and a concise parallel clause.
- 9. Fix degree phrase Original: do a masters degree Suggested revision: complete a master's degree Why it matters: The degree name needs a possessive apostrophe and a natural verb.
- 10. Use a clear possessive Original: the salary of those Suggested revision: their salaries Why it matters: The plural possessive phrase clearly refers back to the people completing the degree.
- 11. Remove unnecessary article Original: the sufficient evidence Suggested revision: sufficient evidence Why it matters: The uncountable noun 'evidence' does not take 'the' in this general statement.
- 12. Use natural phrasing Original: obtaining wealthy lifestyle Suggested revision: achieving a prosperous lifestyle Why it matters: This collocation expresses the intended improvement in living standards naturally.
Suggested Rewrites
- helps to go through poverty and starvation helps people overcome poverty and starvation
- the most important to deal with it the most important way to deal with it
- provide themselves provide for themselves
- low payable jobs low-paid jobs
- University university
- after completing degree after completing a degree
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response gives a clear combined position and develops both education and immediate food aid with relevant reasoning and examples. Its main limitation is presentation: the entire discussion forms one very long paragraph, while repetition and frequent awkward language reduce clarity and precision. The highest-priority improvement is to divide the argument into purposeful paragraphs and edit recurring article, agreement, and collocation errors.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views are discussed and the opinion is clear throughout, with relevant support despite some repetition and uneven development.
Condense the education discussion and develop the relationship between emergency aid and long-term education more analytically.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument follows a generally logical sequence, but the absence of paragraph breaks and repeated points weaken organisation.
Use separate introduction, education, food-aid, and conclusion paragraphs, each centred on one clear purpose.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is adequate and sometimes varied, but inaccurate collocations and word choices occur regularly.
Replace awkward phrases such as low payable jobs and migrated people with natural, context-appropriate expressions.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex sentences communicates the argument, although article, agreement, preposition, and noun-form errors are frequent.
Prioritise article use and subject-verb agreement, especially in long sentences and noun phrases.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people believe that education is the key to tackling hunger worldwide, while others feel that the answer lies in food aid. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.