Some people think that sending criminals to prison is not effective. Education and job training should be used instead. Do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
Some people believe that providing better education opportunities and job training should replace prison sentences in combating crime. Personally, I think this is a one-sided point of view and therefore disagree with it.
There are a number of compelling reasons why it is unreasonable to consider imprisonment to be an obsolete practice. Prison sentences serve as one of the embodiments of justice and fairness in society. When a person commits an unlawful act, be it a misdemeanor or a felony, there should be punishments or else society would fall into chaos. (1) Furthermore, prisons are not only a physical place that keeps criminals contained to protect innocent people but also a reminder of the consequences of violating the law.
Although better education and job training can enhance a person’s awareness and employability that will, in theory, reduce crime, they cannot eliminate all the elements that induce a person to become a criminal. (2) In fact, there have been many heinous crimes committed by well-educated people, for example the infamous sexual assault on a Vietnamese child in Japan. It is naive to expect everyone to follow the law just because they are provided with better education and job skills. We cannot disregard the fact that some people are morally bad by nature and some people who are psychologically unstable may show a propensity for crime. (3)
In conclusion, better education and job training are not the ultimate answer to crime, nor can they replace prison sentences in this regard. It is the combination of both measures that can truly make a difference in the fight against crime.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use adjectival form Original: education Suggested revision: educational Why it matters: The adjective ‘educational’ forms the natural collocation with ‘opportunities’.
- 2. Simplify the expression Original: one of the embodiments Suggested revision: an embodiment Why it matters: The shorter phrase expresses the intended meaning more naturally.
- 3. Clarify the subject Original: there should be punishments Suggested revision: they should be punished Why it matters: The revision makes the offender the clear subject of the passive verb.
- 4. Match number consistently Original: prisons are not only a physical place Suggested revision: a prison is not only a physical place Why it matters: A singular subject is required to agree with ‘a physical place’.
- 5. Remove unexplained marker Original: (1) Suggested revision: Delete Why it matters: The unexplained numeral interrupts the paragraph’s flow.
- 6. Remove unexplained marker Original: (2) Suggested revision: Delete Why it matters: The unexplained numeral has no clear referent in the response.
- 7. Remove unexplained marker Original: (3) Suggested revision: Delete Why it matters: The unexplained numeral disrupts the end of the paragraph.
- 8. Clarify the contrast Original: by nature and some people who Suggested revision: by nature, while others who Why it matters: The revision distinguishes the second group and avoids repetitive coordination.
- 9. Avoid redundant wording Original: combination of both measures Suggested revision: combination of the two measures Why it matters: ‘Both’ is redundant after ‘combination’ in this phrase.
- 10. Clarify the function Original: in combating crime Suggested revision: as a means of combating crime Why it matters: The revision states more clearly how the proposed measures relate to crime reduction.
- 11. Name the proposal precisely Original: one-sided point of view Suggested revision: one-sided proposal Why it matters: The writer is rejecting a proposed policy rather than merely a viewpoint.
- 12. Match the disputed claim Original: obsolete Suggested revision: ineffective Why it matters: ‘Ineffective’ aligns directly with the claim being challenged in the task.
Suggested Rewrites
- education educational
- one of the embodiments an embodiment
- there should be punishments they should be punished
- prisons are not only a physical place a prison is not only a physical place
- (1) Delete
- (2) Delete
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response presents a clear, nuanced disagreement and supports it with logically connected reasons about justice, public protection, and the limits of education. Its main limitation is that some claims, particularly about people being inherently bad, are asserted broadly rather than examined carefully. The highest-priority improvement is to develop each argument with more precise reasoning and less sweeping generalisation.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear position is maintained and both the value of imprisonment and the limitations of educational alternatives are developed with relevant support.
Qualify broad claims about criminal behaviour and explain the causal reasoning behind them more carefully.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response progresses logically through a clear introduction, two focused body paragraphs, and a consistent conclusion.
Use referencing and linking more naturally, removing intrusive numbered markers and tightening a few long connections.
Lexical Resource
A wide range of topic-appropriate vocabulary is used effectively, including precise terms related to justice, crime, and employability.
Refine occasional awkward collocations such as education opportunities and avoid overly absolute wording.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Varied complex structures are generally well controlled, and errors rarely affect clarity.
Improve the control of relative clauses and parallel structures in longer sentences.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people think that sending criminals to prison is not effective. Education and job training should be used instead. Do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.