Some believe education money should be spent on better computers while others think it would be better spent on teachers. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Sample Response
Unfortunately, education plays a crucial role in getting experience in various fields. Although some people consider that amount of money should consume on computers instead of teachers; however, demographics think that it has numerous grave repercussions; it spends on teaching professions. I will elucidate both aspects along with my perspective in the forthcoming paragraphs.
To commence with, advanced computers have enormous benefits in the high-tech era. The predominant one is the time-saving mode, the cheapest and most convenient. To elaborate on it, individuals can use it any time, reducing transport and study inflation. It is more convenient for them as compared to conventional techniques. Moreover, they could access up-to-date knowledge related to studying at home nor only, but also mortals would independently learn study skills. For example, 70 % of learners get experience related to education from websites in the twenty-first century which proved fruitful for them. Hence, money allocated for the development of computers would lead to an independent way of learning skills and staying more focused.
To strengthen the views, teachers who teach to schoolers in alternative ways thematically and practically according to needs and weaknesses. To explain it, the human brain has the capability to teach various teaching categories while the machine does not understand as leaders feel comfort during teaching training and learning related to cooperation and tackling difficulties regarding the study. To cite an example, 8%out10% of students prefer a conventional teaching style due to better results and feeling better physically and mentally after getting expected outcomes. Therefore, teachers’ and students’ bonds will strengthen in education. Furthermore, this tendency is beneficial for health.
To conclude, although computers are more suitable for learning, experts who teach students by their own experience have many advantages that outweigh the screen. In addition, I considered that people would disburse a chunk of money to teachers who provide education with different techniques.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Match plural reference Original: use it any time Suggested revision: use them at any time Why it matters: The pronoun should refer to plural computers, and at is required in the time phrase.
- 2. Use accurate term Original: inflation Suggested revision: costs Why it matters: Inflation does not mean the direct expenses of transport and study.
- 3. Clarify comparison Original: as compared to conventional techniques Suggested revision: than conventional learning methods Why it matters: The revision gives a more concise and precise comparison.
- 4. Keep present tense Original: could Suggested revision: can Why it matters: The paragraph describes a general present-day benefit.
- 5. Use natural phrase Original: knowledge related to studying Suggested revision: knowledge for their studies Why it matters: The revision expresses the academic purpose more naturally.
- 6. Fix correlative phrase Original: at home nor only Suggested revision: not only at home Why it matters: The correlative construction begins with not only.
- 7. Use relevant noun Original: mortals Suggested revision: learners Why it matters: Mortals is an inappropriate label for people engaged in study.
- 8. Fix word order Original: would independently learn study skills Suggested revision: could also develop study skills independently Why it matters: The revised modal and adverb placement fit the linked benefit.
- 9. Use present tense Original: which proved fruitful Suggested revision: which proves beneficial Why it matters: The present-tense claim needs proves rather than proved.
- 10. Use concise wording Original: an independent way of learning skills Suggested revision: independent learning Why it matters: The shorter noun phrase conveys the same idea more clearly.
- 11. Signal contrasting view Original: To strengthen the views Suggested revision: Turning to the other view Why it matters: The paragraph shifts to the opposing perspective rather than strengthening the previous one.
- 12. Correct learner term Original: teachers who teach to schoolers Suggested revision: teachers who teach schoolchildren Why it matters: Teach takes a direct object, and schoolchildren is the natural noun.
Suggested Rewrites
- use it any time use them at any time
- inflation costs
- as compared to conventional techniques than conventional learning methods
- could can
- knowledge related to studying knowledge for their studies
- at home nor only not only at home
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response covers both spending options, states a preference for teachers, and uses a clear paragraph structure. Its main weakness is that ambitious wording and faulty sentence construction frequently obscure the intended reasoning, while several supporting claims remain vague or implausible. The highest-priority improvement is to select one concrete educational benefit for each option and explain it in direct, accurately formed sentences with credible examples.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
All parts of the task are addressed with a clear preference, though several ideas and examples are insufficiently explained.
Support each spending choice with a specific causal explanation and a credible example directly tied to learning outcomes.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response follows a logical overall structure, but unclear internal links and sentence-level sequencing disrupt progression.
Organise each body paragraph as a clear claim, explanation, example, and concluding link to the funding decision.
Lexical Resource
The writer attempts a broad vocabulary, but frequent inappropriate choices and collocations often distort meaning.
Prefer precise common academic words and verify expressions such as study inflation, teaching categories, and outweigh the screen.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Simple meaning is often recoverable, but frequent errors in clause construction, articles, agreement, and punctuation reduce clarity.
Control one main clause at a time, then add subordinate clauses only when their grammatical relationship is clear.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some believe education money should be spent on better computers while others think it would be better spent on teachers. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.