Dieting can change a person’s life for the better or ruin one’s health completely. What is your opinion?
Sample Response
Some argue that dieting has an extraordinary impact on one’s life, whereas others are of a view that it absolutely adversely affects a person’s health. It cannot be denied that dieting taken to extremes may cause more harm than good, however, in my opinion effective dieting is pivotal for maintaining good health and keeping a more attractive body shape.
First of all, the possibility of increasing level of physical health lies with incorporating proper dieting in our lives. It is reasonable to suggest that dieting is effective for controlling our body weight within an ideal range in order to achieve the normal score of body mass index (BMI), which is essential for preventing us from being overweight or obese. As a result, the risk of suffering an obese-related illness will be reduced. A recent research concluded that dieting is one of the most effective measures to cut down one’s body weight among the obese group, and it helps to improve their medical condition indirectly.
Moreover, dieting is crucial for keeping ideal body features regardless of gender and age. A fit and presentable body outlook absolutely boosts up one’s confident level in his or her social life, not to mention professions that require keeping one’s body in an attractive physical shape. For example, dieting is adopted as a popular way for reducing weight among actors and actresses. A recent article reported that an actress who successfully regained her slim body after a period of dieting was offered an excellent job opportunity in the Hollywood film industry.
In conclusion, in my opinion dieting has a positive influence on one’s life in terms of maintaining a profound level of health and keeping a more attractive body outlook.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural phrasing Original: others are of a view Suggested revision: others take the view Why it matters: This is a more natural way to report an opinion.
- 2. Avoid stacked adverbs Original: absolutely adversely affects Suggested revision: seriously harms Why it matters: The original adverbs combine awkwardly, while the revision states the effect clearly.
- 3. Fix comma splice Original: more harm than good, however, Suggested revision: more harm than good; however, Why it matters: A semicolon is needed before the conjunctive adverb joining two independent clauses.
- 4. Set off viewpoint Original: in my opinion effective dieting Suggested revision: in my opinion, effective dieting Why it matters: The introductory viewpoint phrase requires a following comma.
- 5. Use natural collocation Original: keeping a more attractive body shape Suggested revision: maintaining an attractive body shape Why it matters: 'Maintaining' collocates more naturally with body shape than 'keeping'.
- 6. Improve the collocation Original: controlling Suggested revision: keeping Why it matters: The revision works naturally with the following phrase 'within an ideal range'.
- 7. Use accurate expression Original: achieve the normal score of body mass index Suggested revision: maintain a normal body mass index Why it matters: A body mass index is described as normal and maintained, rather than achieved as a score.
- 8. Use concise wording Original: preventing us from being overweight or obese Suggested revision: avoiding overweight and obesity Why it matters: The revision expresses the same outcome more concisely.
- 9. Fix uncountable noun Original: research Suggested revision: study Why it matters: 'Research' is uncountable here, whereas 'study' can follow the article 'a'.
- 10. Correct the collocation Original: cut down one’s body weight Suggested revision: reduce body weight Why it matters: 'Reduce body weight' is the natural collocation in this context.
- 11. Use respectful wording Original: among the obese group Suggested revision: among people with obesity Why it matters: This wording refers clearly and appropriately to the group of people.
- 12. Use broader term Original: their medical condition indirectly Suggested revision: their health indirectly Why it matters: 'Health' matches the paragraph's general claim better than a single unspecified condition.
Suggested Rewrites
- others are of a view others take the view
- absolutely adversely affects seriously harms
- more harm than good, however, more harm than good; however,
- in my opinion effective dieting in my opinion, effective dieting
- keeping a more attractive body shape maintaining an attractive body shape
- controlling keeping
Why this response received Band 7.0
The essay gives a clear opinion and develops two relevant benefits of sensible dieting in a well-organised argument. Its main weakness is persistent imprecision in word choice and collocation, which makes several otherwise sound points feel unnatural or overstated. The most important improvement is to use simpler, more idiomatic language and to support claims with more credible, carefully explained examples.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response answers the opinion question directly and develops relevant arguments about health and appearance, though some support is rather speculative.
Acknowledge the risks of excessive dieting more fully and use a realistic example to sharpen the distinction between healthy and harmful dieting.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas are arranged in a clear four-paragraph sequence, and each body paragraph has a distinct central focus.
Make progression less formulaic by reducing repeated signposting and creating more explicit logical links between claims and evidence.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary range is broad enough for the topic, but recurring awkward collocations reduce precision and naturalness.
Replace expressions such as 'body outlook', 'confident level', and 'profound level of health' with concise, idiomatic wording.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The essay uses varied complex structures with generally good control, despite several noticeable article, noun-form, and punctuation errors.
Proofread for uncountable nouns and sentence boundaries, particularly forms such as 'a recent research' and comma-linked independent clauses.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Dieting can change a person’s life for the better or ruin one’s health completely. What is your opinion?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.