Some countries achieve international success by building specialized facilities to train top athletes instead of providing sports facilities that everyone can use. Do you think it is a positive or negative development?
Sample Response
In recent years, some countries have gained international recognition by constructing specialized training facilities exclusively for top athletes rather than providing sports facilities accessible to everyone. This essay will argue that this trend is ultimately harmful, as it prioritizes elite achievement over broader societal benefits.
Investing resources in specialized sports facilities may come at the cost of neglecting the development of sports infrastructure that benefits the general population. While these facilities may produce elite athletes, they may not promote sports participation for the broader population. Public sports centers, parks, and community programs that encourage physical activity are essential for building a culture of fitness that extends beyond elite competition, benefiting the entire population. The lack of access to such facilities could harm public health, particularly for those from lower socio-economic backgrounds who may not have the means to access private sports facilities. Therefore, governments must invest in a diverse range of sports infrastructure that is accessible to everyone and promotes physical activity and healthy living.
Furthermore, investing heavily in elite sports facilities can widen the gap between the rich and poor, as only those with access to these specialized facilities can benefit from them. This creates an uneven playing field, where wealthier individuals have greater opportunities for success and prosperity than those from lower socio-economic backgrounds. This perpetuates existing societal inequalities, where the opportunities for success are skewed towards a privileged few. As a result, society may become more divided, with only a tiny elite able to benefit from the resources invested in specialized sports facilities. To prevent this, governments should prioritize community-based programs that promote sports participation and physical activity for all. This can help to bridge the gap between the rich and poor and foster a more inclusive and equitable society.
In conclusion, by neglecting the development of sports infrastructure accessible to everyone, fostering an environment of extreme competition, and contributing to societal inequalities, the focus on elite sports could ultimately do more harm than good.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use precise causation Original: produce elite athletes Suggested revision: help develop elite athletes Why it matters: Facilities support athletes' development rather than directly producing them.
- 2. Improve preposition choice Original: for Suggested revision: among Why it matters: Among is the more natural preposition when referring to participation within a population.
- 3. Strengthen collocation Original: building Suggested revision: fostering Why it matters: Fostering collocates more naturally with the gradual development of a culture.
- 4. Clarify the reference Original: The lack of access to such facilities Suggested revision: Limited access to public sports facilities Why it matters: Naming the facilities directly removes possible ambiguity about what such refers to.
- 5. Avoid repeated access Original: access Suggested revision: afford Why it matters: Afford states the financial constraint precisely and avoids repeating access.
- 6. Remove vague wording Original: success and prosperity Suggested revision: success Why it matters: Prosperity broadens the claim beyond the sporting opportunities discussed here.
- 7. Refine relative phrasing Original: where the opportunities for success are skewed Suggested revision: in which opportunities for success are skewed Why it matters: In which links more precisely to the abstract situation described as an uneven playing field.
- 8. Use measured tone Original: tiny Suggested revision: small Why it matters: Small conveys the limited group without the slightly emotive force of tiny.
- 9. Tighten idea progression Suggested revision: Consolidate the repeated references to facilities, participation, and the general population so the public-health consequence follows more directly. Why it matters: The paragraph circles around access and participation before reaching its main consequence for public health.
- 10. Reduce repeated effects Suggested revision: Combine the repeated statements about unequal opportunity and social division into one clear cause-and-effect sequence before presenting the solution. Why it matters: Several consecutive sentences restate the same inequality effect, which slows progression.
Suggested Rewrites
- produce elite athletes help develop elite athletes
- for among
- building fostering
- The lack of access to such facilities Limited access to public sports facilities
- access afford
- success and prosperity success
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response presents a clear, consistent negative position and develops two relevant consequences with strong logical progression and polished language. Its main limitation is that the inequality argument assumes access is largely determined by wealth, which is not fully established and slightly weakens the precision of the reasoning. Strengthen the essay by supporting that causal link with a concrete mechanism or example tied directly to elite-facility selection.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The negative position is fully maintained, and both main arguments are relevant, extended, and clearly connected to the question.
Make the wealth-based inequality argument more convincing by explaining exactly how access to elite facilities would favour affluent athletes.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through well-focused paragraphs, with cohesive devices used smoothly and unobtrusively.
Reduce repeated references to sports facilities and the broader population by using tighter referencing across adjacent sentences.
Lexical Resource
A wide and precise academic vocabulary supports nuanced discussion, with only occasional repetition and slightly broad phrasing.
Refine broad combinations such as success and prosperity so each lexical choice expresses the precise consequence being argued.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is handled accurately and naturally, with only rare minor imperfections.
Continue refining long multi-clause sentences so every modifier and causal relationship remains maximally precise.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some countries achieve international success by building specialized facilities to train top athletes instead of providing sports facilities that everyone can use. Do you think it is a positive or negative development?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.