With the increasing demand for energy such as oil and gas, people start to look for their sources in remote and untouched places. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?
Sample Response
The energy consumption has been growing dramatically in the past few decades, and to meet the rising demand, seeking energy sources in places far away from human habitats has become conventional. Despite some environmental repercussions, I believe the benefits of this exploration are more significant.
The major advantage of such practice is to ensure the quality of individuals’ daily life and the development of various industries of nations. Undoubtedly, exploiting resources in these remote areas can expand the available pool of resources and thus tackle the energy problem. After all, every aspect of life and production requires energy, ranging from the electricity it produces to the fuels for vehicles or manufacturing equipment. Should people stop exploring new sources of energy, the coming shortage could drive the price to a high level that both people and companies are unable to afford. What comes next might be more severe problems that could threaten the normal function of society.
However, I understand the environmental concerns raised by some people. The mining or drilling activities for fossil fuels as well as the construction of solar farms or wind turbines could pose a threat to the ecological balance in that area, considering the destruction of animal habitats and the pollution caused by hazardous chemicals involved in the process. Nevertheless, these worries should not be overstated as the international community is fully aware of the potential danger and in turn well prepared with relevant resolutions. There are already regulations and laws restricting reckless exploitation at both national and international levels, meaning that the risk and impacts could be meticulously monitored and kept at an acceptable level.
In conclusion, with appropriate preventive actions, the possible environmental consequences of seeking energy sources in remote areas could be alleviated. Therefore, I am convinced that this practice has more advantages than disadvantages.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove the article Original: The energy consumption Suggested revision: Energy consumption Why it matters: Energy consumption is used as an uncountable general concept and does not take the here.
- 2. Use precise wording Original: has become conventional Suggested revision: has become common practice Why it matters: Common practice expresses the growing frequency of the activity more naturally.
- 3. Add the article Original: advantage of such practice Suggested revision: advantage of such a practice Why it matters: Practice is a singular countable noun in this use and requires an article.
- 4. Fix the collocation Original: ensure the quality of individuals’ daily life Suggested revision: maintain individuals’ quality of life Why it matters: Quality of life is the established collocation, and maintain fits the intended meaning.
- 5. Clarify industry growth Original: the development of various industries of nations Suggested revision: the development of industries in many nations Why it matters: The original chain of nouns creates an unclear relationship between industries and nations.
- 6. Use natural phrasing Original: the coming shortage Suggested revision: a future shortage Why it matters: A future shortage is a more natural way to describe the projected problem.
- 7. Fix number and structure Original: drive the price to a high level Suggested revision: drive prices so high Why it matters: The plural noun and so...that structure fit the general claim and the following result clause.
- 8. Use natural collocation Original: function Suggested revision: functioning Why it matters: Functioning is the conventional noun for describing how society operates.
- 9. Clarify the response Original: in turn well prepared with relevant resolutions Suggested revision: therefore well prepared with relevant measures Why it matters: Measures refers to practical responses more accurately than resolutions, while therefore clarifies the link.
- 10. Use parallel plurals Original: risk Suggested revision: risks Why it matters: Both nouns refer to multiple possible consequences and should be plural.
- 11. Sentence rewrite Original: After all, every aspect of life and production requires energy, ranging from the electricity it produces to the fuels for vehicles or manufacturing equipment. Suggested revision: After all, every aspect of life and production requires energy, from electricity to fuel for vehicles and manufacturing equipment. Why it matters: The rewrite removes the unclear pronoun and creates a parallel range of energy uses.
- 12. Signal the rebuttal Suggested revision: Separate the description of environmental harm from the discussion of regulation, and use a clearer transition to show how the second part limits the first. Why it matters: The paragraph moves from acknowledging damage to dismissing concern without a sufficiently explicit progression.
Suggested Rewrites
- The energy consumption Energy consumption
- has become conventional has become common practice
- advantage of such practice advantage of such a practice
- ensure the quality of individuals’ daily life maintain individuals’ quality of life
- the development of various industries of nations the development of industries in many nations
- the coming shortage a future shortage
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response presents a clear comparative position, develops both the energy-security benefit and environmental cost, and progresses smoothly through a persuasive argument. Its main limitation is that the claim that regulation can reliably contain ecological harm is somewhat broad and insufficiently evidenced. The highest-priority improvement is to qualify this rebuttal and support it with a more concrete explanation of how safeguards reduce specific risks.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The question is directly answered with a clear position, and both benefits and drawbacks are extended through relevant explanation and comparison.
Strengthen the evaluation by qualifying the optimistic regulatory claim and explaining more concretely why the benefits still outweigh residual harm.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas are logically sequenced, paragraphs have clear central purposes, and cohesive devices guide the argument without becoming mechanical.
Make the internal progression of the environmental paragraph even sharper by separating the concession, mitigation, and final evaluation.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is wide-ranging and generally precise, though a few formal-sounding collocations are awkward or slightly imprecise.
Prefer more natural academic combinations for references to industrial development, regulatory measures, and the effects of exploitation.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is handled accurately, with only occasional minor article, agreement, and reference issues.
Polish the few dense sentences by checking article use, pronoun reference, and agreement in coordinated noun phrases.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
With the increasing demand for energy such as oil and gas, people start to look for their sources in remote and untouched places. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.