Some people prefer to use energy-saving modes of transportation like hybrid cars and bicycles. Others prefer the usual mode of transportation like buses and trains because it is fast and efficient. Which mode of transportation do you prefer and why?
Sample Response
Preferences to transportation modes are seen divided among the public. When a group prefers energy-saving modes such as bicycles and hybrid automobiles, others go with popular transportation like buses and trains. Both these options have their own individual merits, and hence it is better to analyse both before framing a logical conclusion.
On the one hand, those who prefer the first mode highlight the importance of saving energy, which one can use in future or for other purposes. They feel that a considerable proportion of fossil fuels are used up by every country for the usual modes of transportation including the operation of cars, buses and trains. It has to be understood that when these perishable sources of energy are utilized irrationally, the demand of energy in future would peak in an unparalleled manner. Another merit they focus is the environmental friendliness of these options, as hybrid cars and bicycles hardly pollute the environment.
On the other hand, the second group opines that whichever transportation mode people select, it should be fast and efficient. This can be better done when people use usual modes of transportation including trains and airplanes. Firstly, this can save the invaluable time a person has to spend on transportation. The next benefits are the comfort and convenience these modes offer. Therefore, they believe that in order to reach the destinations faster and without much exhaustion, one has to make use of these transportation modes, even though they use up certain amount of energy.
After analysing both options in detail, I believe as a responsible citizen, I have to prefer energy-saving modes of transportation. However, it is a fact that in most of the current circumstances, it is hardly possible.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Mark the contrast Original: When a group Suggested revision: While one group Why it matters: While clearly signals the contrast between the two groups.
- 2. Use formal wording Original: go with popular transportation Suggested revision: prefer conventional transport Why it matters: The replacement expresses the preference more naturally in formal writing.
- 3. Remove redundancy Original: own individual merits Suggested revision: merits Why it matters: Own and individual unnecessarily repeat the idea already conveyed by merits.
- 4. Clarify the reference Original: which one can use in future or for other purposes Suggested revision: so that it remains available in the future and for other purposes Why it matters: The original relative clause makes one appear to use the energy that is supposedly being saved.
- 5. Use precise wording Original: used up by every country Suggested revision: consumed in every country Why it matters: Consumed is a more precise formal verb for the use of fossil fuels.
- 6. Simplify the phrase Original: operation Suggested revision: use Why it matters: Use of cars is the more direct and natural expression in this list.
- 7. Correct the word choice Original: perishable sources of energy Suggested revision: finite energy sources Why it matters: Perishable describes goods that decay, whereas finite describes resources that can run out.
- 8. Use natural wording Original: utilized irrationally Suggested revision: used wastefully Why it matters: Wastefully clearly expresses inefficient consumption in this context.
- 9. Correct the phrase Original: demand of energy in future Suggested revision: demand for energy in the future Why it matters: Demand takes the preposition for, and future needs the definite article here.
- 10. Avoid inflated wording Original: would peak in an unparalleled manner Suggested revision: could rise dramatically Why it matters: The replacement states the projected increase clearly without an unnatural expression.
- 11. Add the preposition Original: Another merit they focus Suggested revision: Another merit they focus on Why it matters: The verb focus requires on before its object.
- 12. Fix the clause structure Original: whichever transportation mode people select, it should be Suggested revision: whichever transportation mode people select should be Why it matters: Removing the resumptive pronoun gives the subject clause one clear predicate.
Suggested Rewrites
- When a group While one group
- go with popular transportation prefer conventional transport
- own individual merits merits
- which one can use in future or for other purposes so that it remains available in the future and for other purposes
- used up by every country consumed in every country
- operation use
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response is clearly organized and examines relevant advantages of both transport choices before stating a preference for energy-saving modes. The main limitation is that the preferred option and the writer's personal reasons emerge only at the end, while several lexical choices are strained. State the preference earlier and develop its justification directly with precise, natural language.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The question is addressed with relevant reasons and a clear final preference, though the personal justification is less fully developed than the comparison.
State the preferred mode in the introduction and connect the supporting reasons more explicitly to that choice.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has clear paragraphing and logical progression, with effective signposting between the two alternatives.
Reduce formulaic sequencing and make the conclusion follow more decisively from the preceding comparison.
Lexical Resource
There is sufficient range for the topic, but recurring awkward collocations and imprecise word choices reduce naturalness.
Replace strained phrases such as 'demand of energy' and 'peak in an unparalleled manner' with conventional collocations.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A variety of complex sentence forms is handled well, with errors generally minor and non-impeding.
Improve control of articles, prepositions, and countable nouns in phrases such as 'a certain amount of energy.'
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people prefer to use energy-saving modes of transportation like hybrid cars and bicycles. Others prefer the usual mode of transportation like buses and trains because it is fast and efficient. Which mode of transportation do you prefer and why?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.