International entertainers, including sports personalities, often get paid millions of dollars in one year. In your view, with widespread poverty in the world, are these huge earnings justified?
Sample Response
InternationalUniversal entertainers, including sports personalitiescontaining sports individuals, frequently earnacquire millions of dollars in a single year. From my point of view, these enormous earningsthese devastating incomes are absolutely unfair while widespread poverty persists worldwidewhile the world is dealing with a great scale of poverty. The solution for this type of matter undoubtedly must be established as soon as possible. When wealthy part of people started to incline attractive and dashing entertainment the entertaining agencies' jobs initialized to grow and improve. Improvements enhanced the scale of amusement sphere. Consequently, the supervisors and main individuals of this entity handled the currency circulation soon and easily. Today wealthy peopleToday the rich spend a large amount of money on sports and entertainmentsport and entertaining facilities. For instancefor instances, in only 2 or 3 weeks long European Olympic Games millions of dollars are allocated by Azerbaijan's government this year. Although these games have many benefitsprofits for a country, in my opinion, the advantages are more than offset by the disadvantagesthe disadvantages of this issue are more than offset by advantages. Maybe some people think that these enormous salaries for sports people and entertainers are a reward for their effort and workthe value of their effort and work. Nonetheless, I am on the side of people who are opposed to this viewcontrary to this kind of insight. And this contradiction is not arbitrary because people who suffer from famine, unfortunately, are the majority of humanitythe predominant part of our humanity. I believe it is not right to impose such amountsamount of money and spending on entertainmentsupport to joys contributing it towards the relief for people who are in need of it. Nevertheless, I believe that people who are aware ofin aware of their environment's issues will do the right thing. NowadaysIn these days, some companies and entities which are built to solve these problems have undertaken to provide money and support for famine relief.
Why this response received Band 4.5
The response gives a clear view that very high entertainment earnings are unjustified and attempts to connect this position to poverty and famine relief. Its main limitation is that the supporting argument is often unclear, with loosely connected claims, no paragraphing, and frequent inaccurate vocabulary and grammar that make several sentences difficult to follow. Build two focused reasons in separate paragraphs and express each one with simpler, accurate language.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear position is maintained, but the reasons are only partly developed and several claims do not directly explain why the earnings are unjustified.
Develop two relevant reasons, such as social priorities and the source of entertainers' income, with clear explanation and examples.
Coherence and Cohesion
Basic linking words mark shifts in the argument, but the single paragraph and unclear references create weak and sometimes confusing progression.
Use an introduction, separate body paragraphs for distinct reasons, and a conclusion that follows directly from them.
Lexical Resource
The response attempts varied vocabulary, but frequent inaccurate word choices and collocations often obscure the intended meaning.
Prefer familiar, precise expressions for salaries, entertainment demand, public spending, and poverty relief.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Some complex structures are attempted, but frequent errors in clauses, articles, agreement, punctuation, and sentence formation cause strain.
Write shorter complete sentences and check each one for a clear subject, correctly formed verb, and necessary articles.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
International entertainers, including sports personalities, often get paid millions of dollars in one year. In your view, with widespread poverty in the world, are these huge earnings justified?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.