Directors of large organizations earn much higher salaries than ordinary employees do. Some people think it is necessary, but others are of the opinion that it is unfair. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Sample Response
These days, many people are divided over the fact that leaders of large institutions are paid disproportionately more than ordinary workers are. While this pay gap could be seen as a source of inequality, I agree that it is necessary to reward these executives, who are responsible for decision-making in their organization.
Admittedly, the disparity between the income of directors and rank-and-file employees may raise concerns about fairness. Firstly, without a just distribution of a company’s profits, there would be less unity among all layers of its workforce. Consequently, overall employee motivation and job satisfaction would be negatively impacted, causing productivity to plummet. Furthermore, when executives at a company receive disproportionate wages compared to ordinary staff, exploitation of lower-level employees would happen. This is as workers cannot receive enough benefits to cover their expenses and afford the necessities for their families and themselves. If a wage ceiling is implemented, this unfairness would be mitigated somewhat, and wealth could be spread more evenly throughout society as a result.
However, the roles that leaders play in their organizations necessitate rewarding them handsomely. Directors in large firms, for instance, oversee a gargantuan number of personnel while having to answer to shareholders, responsibilities which require remarkable competencies to take on. As their work involves strategic plans and high-stakes decisions, executives must demonstrate business acumen, leadership, and sometimes even grit. These qualities are not altogether present in everybody, which is why those in possession of them must be duly compensated. As a consequence of the previous point, offering extraordinary salaries to high-level managers helps organizations stay competitive in attracting capable and quality leadership. Lucrative remuneration packages, for this reason, are seen as a prerequisite for securing top-flight business talents and the corporate growth they drive.
In conclusion, while disparity in the wages of executives and ordinary employees may present concerns, I believe that high-level managers deserve their high income, thanks to their role and scarcity. Leadership is a rare and exceptional quality; therefore, its value necessitates disproportionate reward to ensure an organization’s effectiveness.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use concise phrasing Original: over the fact that Suggested revision: over whether Why it matters: Whether introduces the debated proposition more directly and concisely.
- 2. Match plural referent Original: organization Suggested revision: organizations Why it matters: The plural noun executives refers to leaders working in their respective organizations.
- 3. Improve workforce collocation Original: layers Suggested revision: levels Why it matters: Levels is the natural term for positions within a workforce hierarchy.
- 4. Fix comparison Original: disproportionate wages compared to ordinary staff Suggested revision: wages disproportionate to those of ordinary staff Why it matters: The revision compares executives' wages with staff wages rather than comparing wages with people.
- 5. Use formal collocation Original: would happen Suggested revision: could occur Why it matters: Occur is a more natural academic verb for the possibility of exploitation.
- 6. Use correct activity noun Original: plans Suggested revision: planning Why it matters: Planning names the activity involved in executives' work, whereas plans are its outputs.
- 7. Simplify awkward phrase Original: not altogether present in everybody Suggested revision: not universally found Why it matters: The revision expresses rarity more naturally and concisely.
- 8. Use concise transition Original: As a consequence of the previous point Suggested revision: Consequently Why it matters: The shorter transition states the logical link without referring mechanically to a previous point.
- 9. Fix parallel description Original: capable and quality leadership Suggested revision: capable, high-quality leaders Why it matters: Quality cannot coordinate naturally with capable when both are intended to modify leadership.
- 10. Sentence rewrite Original: This is as workers cannot receive enough benefits to cover their expenses and afford the necessities for their families and themselves. Suggested revision: This is because workers may not receive enough pay to cover their expenses and afford necessities for themselves and their families. Why it matters: The rewrite corrects the causal connector and uses pay for money received through employment.
- 11. Sentence rewrite Original: Directors in large firms, for instance, oversee a gargantuan number of personnel while having to answer to shareholders, responsibilities which require remarkable competencies to take on. Suggested revision: Directors in large firms, for instance, oversee vast numbers of personnel and answer to shareholders; these responsibilities require exceptional competence. Why it matters: The rewrite removes the faulty attachment of responsibilities and the awkward phrase competencies to take on.
- 12. Clarify causal sequence Suggested revision: Use clearer causal links between profit distribution, employee motivation, exploitation, and the proposed wage ceiling so the sequence of ideas is easier to follow. Why it matters: The paragraph moves through several related claims without consistently showing how each one leads to the next.
Suggested Rewrites
- over the fact that over whether
- organization organizations
- layers levels
- disproportionate wages compared to ordinary staff wages disproportionate to those of ordinary staff
- would happen could occur
- plans planning
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response presents a clear opinion while giving both views substantial, well-organised development, and its strongest feature is the precise, flexible language used to explain executive responsibility and labour fairness. The main limitation is that the unfairness argument assumes a direct link between high executive pay and inadequate worker benefits without fully establishing it. Strengthen that causal link with a more concrete mechanism or qualification to make the discussion fully compelling.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views are explored in depth, the writer's opinion is clear throughout, and the principal ideas are relevant and well supported.
Explain more precisely how executive pay constrains ordinary workers' compensation so the fairness argument rests on a fully demonstrated causal link.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response progresses logically from the opposing view to the preferred position, with clear paragraph focus and well-managed cohesion.
Make the internal transition to the competitiveness argument more direct instead of referring generally to the previous point.
Lexical Resource
A broad and sophisticated vocabulary conveys fine distinctions effectively, with only occasional slightly forced or imprecise choices.
Prefer natural precision over intensity by replacing expressions such as a gargantuan number or business talents with more idiomatic alternatives.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex sentences are varied and consistently well controlled, with only rare awkward constructions that do not affect clarity.
Streamline heavily modified sentences so relative clauses and infinitive phrases attach as cleanly as possible to their intended nouns.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Directors of large organizations earn much higher salaries than ordinary employees do. Some people think it is necessary, but others are of the opinion that it is unfair. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.