Directors of large organizations earn much higher salaries than ordinary employees do. Some people believe it is necessary, but others think that it is unfair. Discuss both these views and give your own opinions.
Sample Response
There are widely differing views on whether directors of big corporations should receive significantly more remuneration compared to regular workers, with some individuals arguing that it is a necessity while others deem it inequitable. This essay will thoroughly discuss both viewpoints before concluding that I am in favour of the former.
On the one hand, it is understandable why some claim that it is not fair for large companies to pay their managers considerably more than ordinary staff members. The key rationale here is that this pay structure fails to reflect the value each employee brings to the organisation, hence a sense of unfairness among lower-level employees. For instance, at Amazon, warehouse workers who handle and process orders for the company are vital to the company's operations, yet they are paid significantly less than the company's CEO, Jeff Bezos, one of the richest entrepreneurs in the world. This, as a result, has caused a feeling of inequity among these workers.
On the other hand, I side with those who believe that it is necessary for those in charge of sizable organisations to earn larger incomes than their subordinates. They argue that these individuals bear significant responsibilities and decision-making power that can make or break an organization's ability to achieve its business objectives, and therefore their compensation should reflect this. For example, the CEO of Apple, Tim Cook, earns a high salary, a bonus, and stock options. Still, his leadership has overseen significant growth and innovation in the company, making it one of the most valuable in the world. Thus, the argument is that handsome salaries for top-level executives of large organisations are necessary to attract and retain top talent and incentivize them to work towards the company's success.
In conclusion, although there are those who think that it is unjust when the management board of major corporations is paid substantially more money than their normal employees, I am convinced that this pay disparity is justifiable and essential for the development of these businesses.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use correct comparison Original: more remuneration compared to Suggested revision: more remuneration than Why it matters: Use 'than' rather than 'compared to' after the comparative expression 'more remuneration'.
- 2. Clarify the reference Original: it is a necessity Suggested revision: this pay disparity is necessary Why it matters: Naming the pay disparity directly makes the reference more precise.
- 3. Complete the result clause Original: hence a sense of unfairness Suggested revision: thereby creating a sense of unfairness Why it matters: The original phrase lacks a verb to express the result grammatically.
- 4. Streamline the transition Original: This, as a result, Suggested revision: As a result, this Why it matters: Placing the result marker first creates a smoother link to the preceding example.
- 5. Improve the collocation Original: caused a feeling of inequity Suggested revision: created a sense of inequity Why it matters: 'Created a sense of inequity' is a more natural collocation in this context.
- 6. Use precise pay wording Original: larger incomes Suggested revision: higher salaries Why it matters: Salaries are normally described as higher rather than larger.
- 7. Refine the collocation Original: responsibilities and decision-making power Suggested revision: responsibility and decision-making authority Why it matters: This wording describes an executive's role and authority more naturally.
- 8. Use formal phrasing Original: make or break an organization's ability to achieve its business objectives Suggested revision: determine whether an organization achieves its business objectives Why it matters: The replacement expresses the same causal claim in a more precise academic register.
- 9. Fix the logical connector Original: Still Suggested revision: Moreover Why it matters: The second sentence adds supporting evidence rather than contrasting with the salary details.
- 10. Use academic register Original: handsome Suggested revision: high Why it matters: 'High salaries' is more neutral and appropriate for an academic essay.
- 11. Use the task term Original: normal Suggested revision: ordinary Why it matters: 'Ordinary employees' is the more precise contrast with senior executives here.
- 12. Clarify the outcome Original: development Suggested revision: success Why it matters: 'Success' more accurately reflects the business outcome argued for in the essay.
Suggested Rewrites
- more remuneration compared to more remuneration than
- it is a necessity this pay disparity is necessary
- hence a sense of unfairness thereby creating a sense of unfairness
- This, as a result, As a result, this
- caused a feeling of inequity created a sense of inequity
- larger incomes higher salaries
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response presents a clear position and develops both sides with relevant corporate examples, while maintaining strong control of vocabulary and complex grammar. Its main limitation is that the fairness argument is less fully explored than the justification for executive pay, and a few transitions and claims feel formulaic or insufficiently substantiated. The highest-priority improvement is to deepen the opposing view with a more precise explanation of how pay should reflect employee contribution.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views and the writer's position are clearly addressed with relevant explanation and examples.
Develop the fairness case further by explaining a principled basis for judging the pay gap.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through well-focused paragraphs, and cohesion is generally well managed.
Use transitions more naturally where the relationship is additive rather than contrasting.
Lexical Resource
A wide and precise vocabulary supports nuanced discussion of pay, responsibility, and workplace value.
Refine a few broad or formulaic choices such as claims about business development and employee value.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is used accurately, with only minor non-impeding lapses.
Polish compressed result structures and punctuation so every complex sentence reads completely naturally.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Directors of large organizations earn much higher salaries than ordinary employees do. Some people believe it is necessary, but others think that it is unfair. Discuss both these views and give your own opinions.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.