***Some people think that success in life depends mainly on hard work, while others think that other factors, such as money and family background, are more important. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.*** *** ***
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Sample Response
In the present day, the nature of successa scheme about success has become a major topic of discussion. Opinions about the factors of success are divided between those who argue that success in life is mostly caused by individuals' hard work and those who suggest that many other conditions are more vital for people to succeed,to be succeed, such as money and family background. From my perspective, I agree with the latter view.
Some people insist that success dependsdepend on hard work. Hard work requiresneeds people to have enough patience and encouragement when they are facing challengesfacing to challenges and in difficulties. Besides, hard work can provide people themselves with large salaries and high recognitionrecognization , which is the main scale for people to distinguish from others and become successfulsucceed. There areis 500 top successful businessmen and businesswomen in the world each year, which can perfectly prove this point. Moreover, for most ordinary people without external supports, hard work is the only way to achieve the success. Even though some individuals have good financial supportsupports from their family, without hard work and positive attitude, it is hard to be succeed.
On the other hand, I agree with the importance of personal hard work to achieve successto get succeed, and I contend firmly in favor of the influence of other factors.other factors' causion. I admit that individuals' personal attitude, belief and behavior has brought important impacts, but the material conditions, resources and growing environment are more significant and beneficial for the success. ObjectiveObjects conditions and family environment are the key effect of becoming succeed. Especially in today's society, people are facing to competitive circumstances. There is never the lack of hard working people in each fieldfields. If hard work is the main fact of success, the person who is the most hardworking onewho are the most hard working one must be the most successful one. However, it is true that this association is impossible. Success is a complicated issue, which is caused by too many factors and hard work just one aspect. It is clear that successful people must be hard work, but conversely hard working people cannot be always successful. This reality proved the importance of other factors.other factors' importances. For example, the family background can influence individuals' starting points.beginning sites. Compared with kids who are born into impoverished familiesin poverty family, children growing in a academic family environmentacademical family environmen with two parents who are both the university professors, can contact with academic knowledge, relevant researchers and educational resources across their whole childhood, which has definitely significant effects to them in their further development. By contrast, children from family with financial difficulties have to drop out of schooldrop off school and work to earn money for their family. It is common to see that those children would have an ordinary life, even worse.
In conclusion, although it is true that hard work is important for success, I still believe that other factors absolutely influence individuals more to be succeed.
Why this response received Band 6.5
The essay effectively addresses all parts of the prompt by presenting a clear personal position and fully discussing both sides of the argument with detailed examples. The primary limitation lies in frequent grammatical and word-formation errors that detract from the writing's natural flow. To achieve a higher band, focus on refining grammatical accuracy, particularly subject-verb agreement and word forms like 'succeed' versus 'successful'.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
You fully address all parts of the task by presenting a clear position and thoroughly discussing both perspectives with relevant examples.
Maintain your well-developed structure while sharpening the focus of your supporting arguments to make them even more compelling.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a logical overall structure with clear paragraphing, though some transition words and phrasing feel slightly awkward or mechanical.
Practice using a wider variety of natural cohesive devices to link ideas smoothly between sentences.
Lexical Resource
You attempt to use a varied range of vocabulary relevant to the topic, but frequent errors in word choice and word formation occur throughout.
Focus on mastering correct word forms, such as distinguishing between the verb 'succeed', the adjective 'successful', and the noun 'success'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
You demonstrate a good variety of sentence structures, but noticeable errors in subject-verb agreement, prepositions, and verb forms are frequent.
Review key grammar rules regarding subject-verb agreement and common prepositional combinations like 'facing challenges' instead of 'facing to'.