Many people believe that professionals in certain fields like film, sports and music are heavily overpaid while other important professionals like doctors and teachers are poorly paid. What is your opinion on this issue? Which other types of job should be highly paid?
Sample Response
Human beings always like entertainment. Entertainments are in many forms and among them the films, music and games are three most popular categories. Some people think that entertainers like film actors, sports professionals, musicians are the fortunate people who raise a big amount of money. While other believes that they are overpaid and there are other professionals who should earn more than they currently do because of their invaluable services to the people and society. In this essay, I will discuss both points of views.
First of all, people always admire hard works either in films, dramas or in sport. When a character's performance gets fame, that increases the worth of the actor and he demands too much amount in exchange for work that is fair as they work round the clock to entertain the public. Secondly, all the entertainers are humans, they have families, relations and sufferings, as they work hard for the community; it is not possible for them to work in an office or start a business. So they must be paid high to nourish his family.
Not all entertainers are so lucky to become famous. There are numerous peoples who are entertaining the public but could not draw a handful amount because of not appreciable work and they are living from hand to mouth. Some unfortunate people are working in this profession and can’t gain attention from the general public, so they are unable to earn well.
In my opinion, there are professions that need to be paid a high amount, because of their nature of work. For example, Doctors and Teachers; a doctor cures the patients and thus build the healthy society, as the fact is only a healthy nation can grow up in the world. Teachers educate a generation, which will be the future of the country. So they definitely deserve a high amount of money as salaries.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Uncountable noun Original: Entertainments are Suggested revision: Entertainment comes Why it matters: Entertainment is normally uncountable.
- 2. Articles Original: the films, music and games are three most popular Suggested revision: films, music, and sport are three of the most popular Why it matters: Use three of the most and omit the unnecessary article.
- 3. Wrong verb Original: raise a big amount of money Suggested revision: earn large sums of money Why it matters: People earn income; raise usually means collect funds.
- 4. Fragment and agreement Original: While other believes Suggested revision: Others believe Why it matters: The original is a fragment and others requires believe.
- 5. Fixed phrase Original: both points of views Suggested revision: both points of view Why it matters: Point of view remains singular in this expression.
- 6. Uncountable noun Original: admire hard works Suggested revision: admire hard work Why it matters: Work is uncountable here.
- 7. Natural subject Original: a character's performance gets fame Suggested revision: an actor becomes famous for a performance Why it matters: A performance does not get fame.
- 8. Fee phrase Original: demands too much amount Suggested revision: can command a high fee Why it matters: This is the natural collocation.
- 9. Adverb form Original: paid high Suggested revision: paid well Why it matters: Well modifies paid.
- 10. Wrong verb and pronoun Original: nourish his family Suggested revision: support their families Why it matters: Support is the correct financial verb and agrees with entertainers.
- 11. Plural form Original: numerous peoples Suggested revision: numerous people Why it matters: People is already plural.
- 12. Unnatural phrase Original: draw a handful amount Suggested revision: earn a substantial amount Why it matters: Draw a handful amount is not idiomatic.
Suggested Rewrites
- Entertainments are Entertainment comes
- the films, music and games are three most popular films, music, and sport are three of the most popular
- raise a big amount of money earn large sums of money
- While other believes Others believe
- both points of views both points of view
- admire hard works admire hard work
Why this response received Band 5.5
The essay discusses entertainer pay and argues that doctors and teachers deserve higher salaries, with a generally understandable progression. However, it does not clearly state whether famous entertainers are overpaid and it fails to identify other job types beyond those already named in the prompt. The highest priority is to answer both questions directly, then support that position with focused reasons and more accurate grammar and collocation.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
Relevant ideas are present, but the writer's opinion on overpayment is unclear and the second question is not fully answered.
State a direct view and nominate additional professions, such as emergency workers or researchers, with reasons.
Coherence and Cohesion
Paragraphing is visible and the sequence is broadly logical, though the discussion repeats entertainer hardship and lacks a conclusion.
Give each body paragraph one purpose and add a conclusion that answers both questions.
Lexical Resource
There is sufficient topic vocabulary, but many word forms and collocations are inaccurate.
Use earn, hard work, well paid, and support a family accurately and consistently.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Frequent agreement, plural, article, pronoun, and sentence-fragment errors reduce accuracy.
Check every noun and verb for number agreement and avoid beginning dependent clauses as standalone sentences.