Many people believe that professionals in certain fields like film, sports and music are heavily overpaid while other important professionals like doctors and teachers are poorly paid. What is your opinion on this issue? Which other types of job should be highly paid?
Sample Response
Human beings always like entertainment. Entertainment comesEntertainments are in many forms and among them films, music, and sport are three of the most popularthe films, music and games are three most popular categories. Some people think that entertainers like film actors, sports professionals, musicians are the fortunate people who earn large sums of moneyraise a big amount of money. Others believeWhile other believes that they are overpaid and there are other professionals who should earn more than they currently do because of their invaluable services to the people and society. In this essay, I will discuss both points of viewviews.
First of all, people always admire hard workworks either in films, dramas or in sport. When an actor becomes famous for a performancea character's performance gets fame, that increases the worth of the actor and he can command a high feedemands too much amount in exchange for work that is fair as they work round the clock to entertain the public. Secondly, all the entertainers are humans, they have families, relations and sufferings, as they work hard for the community; it is not possible for them to work in an office or start a business. So they must be paid wellhigh to support their familiesnourish his family.
Not all entertainers are so lucky to become famous. There are numerous peoplepeoples who are entertaining the public but could not earn a substantial amountdraw a handful amount because of work that receives little recognitionnot appreciable work and they are living from hand to mouth. Some unfortunate people are working in this profession and can’t gain attention from the general public, so they are unable to earn well.
In my opinion, there are professions that need to be paid a high amount, because of their nature of work. For example, Doctors and Teachers; doctors treat patients and thus help builda doctor cures the patients and thus build athe healthy society, as the fact is only a healthy nation can grow up in the world. Teachers educate a generation, which will be the future of the country. So they definitely deserve a high amount of money as salaries.
Why this response received Band 5.5
The essay discusses entertainer pay and argues that doctors and teachers deserve higher salaries, with a generally understandable progression. However, it does not clearly state whether famous entertainers are overpaid and it fails to identify other job types beyond those already named in the prompt. The highest priority is to answer both questions directly, then support that position with focused reasons and more accurate grammar and collocation.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Relevant ideas are present, but the writer's opinion on overpayment is unclear and the second question is not fully answered.
State a direct view and nominate additional professions, such as emergency workers or researchers, with reasons.
Coherence and Cohesion
Paragraphing is visible and the sequence is broadly logical, though the discussion repeats entertainer hardship and lacks a conclusion.
Give each body paragraph one purpose and add a conclusion that answers both questions.
Lexical Resource
There is sufficient topic vocabulary, but many word forms and collocations are inaccurate.
Use earn, hard work, well paid, and support a family accurately and consistently.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Frequent agreement, plural, article, pronoun, and sentence-fragment errors reduce accuracy.
Check every noun and verb for number agreement and avoid beginning dependent clauses as standalone sentences.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Many people believe that professionals in certain fields like film, sports and music are heavily overpaid while other important professionals like doctors and teachers are poorly paid. What is your opinion on this issue? Which other types of job should be highly paid?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.