In many countries, airplane tickets prices have dropped. Is this a positive or negative development?
Sample Response
In the past, commuting to foreign locations was difficult due to the expense involved in travel. However, with the advances in the technology, air travel was made available for the users at affordable rates. It is believed that decline in the air fare has a positive impact on the society. In this essay, we will analyse how this has boosted job availabilities and contributed towards deploying peace in the world. To begin with, this kind of activity has enabled a large number of customers to travel abroad. As a consequence, demand for employees increased in the field of tourism and thereby, job opportunities were created for people interested in this field. In other words, a decrease in the cost of air ticket played a crucial role in the improvement of employment statistics around the world. Thus, it is apparent that drop in this fare has a direct impact on the increase in the work engagements for the needy. In addition to this, low fare allows people to travel abroad for fulfilling their employment or education needs. This, in turn, allows them to get familiar with the culture of hosting country and hence, helps them to develop respect for inhabitants of that country. As a result, the chances of communal riots are decreased to a greater extent enabling people to live in peace. Therefore, the theory that reduced travel fares have helped individuals to stay in harmony is difficult to debunk. After analysing the areas of benefits for the society, it is clear that drop of ticket rate has benefited humans in various ways. As is proven that reduced airfare results in the positive outcome for the society. It is thus expected that government will put efforts to maintain the tickets rates at lower so that maximum travellers can take advantage of the same.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use precise travel wording Original: commuting to foreign locations Suggested revision: travelling to foreign countries Why it matters: Commuting usually describes regular travel between home and work, not international travel in general.
- 2. Remove unnecessary articles Original: with the advances in the technology Suggested revision: with advances in technology Why it matters: The general uncountable use of technology does not take the definite article here.
- 3. Correct the preposition Original: was made available for the users Suggested revision: was made available to travellers Why it matters: Something is made available to people, not for them, in this construction.
- 4. Add article and plural Original: decline in the air fare Suggested revision: a decline in airfares Why it matters: The singular countable noun decline needs an article, and airfares is normally plural in this general claim.
- 5. Remove the article Original: on the society Suggested revision: on society Why it matters: Society is used generically here and does not require the definite article.
- 6. Use natural collocation Original: availabilities Suggested revision: opportunities Why it matters: Job opportunities is the standard expression for available employment.
- 7. Use natural collocation Original: deploying Suggested revision: promoting Why it matters: Peace is promoted or fostered rather than deployed.
- 8. Choose the right noun Original: customers Suggested revision: people Why it matters: People or travellers is more accurate than customers in this general context.
- 9. Keep general tense consistent Original: increased Suggested revision: increases Why it matters: The essay presents this as a general consequence, so the present tense is more consistent.
- 10. Use the plural noun Original: ticket Suggested revision: tickets Why it matters: Air tickets should be plural when referring to ticket prices in general.
- 11. Correct the collocation Original: of Suggested revision: in Why it matters: Improvement in is the natural collocation when describing a change in statistics.
- 12. Add article and plural Original: drop in this fare Suggested revision: a drop in airfares Why it matters: Drop needs an article, and airfares expresses the general category more naturally.
Suggested Rewrites
- commuting to foreign locations travelling to foreign countries
- with the advances in the technology with advances in technology
- was made available for the users was made available to travellers
- decline in the air fare a decline in airfares
- on the society on society
- availabilities opportunities
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response states a clear positive position and develops two relevant benefits through a logical paragraph structure, with the employment argument being particularly easy to follow. Its main limitation is that several claims, especially the link between cheaper flights and fewer communal riots, are overgeneralised, while frequent awkward collocations and grammatical slips reduce precision. Prioritise more credible, specific support and revise article use, sentence structure, and word combinations.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
A clear positive position is maintained and supported by two relevant benefits, though the peace argument relies on a speculative causal chain.
Develop each benefit with a specific, credible example and qualify broad claims about cultural contact producing social harmony.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion create clear overall progression, although some linking phrases feel mechanical and the ending is repetitive.
Use fewer formulaic transitions and make the conclusion a concise synthesis rather than a restatement of earlier claims.
Lexical Resource
The response shows sufficient topical range, but recurring awkward collocations such as "deploying peace" and "work engagements for the needy" reduce precision.
Choose natural word combinations and check that less common vocabulary expresses the intended meaning accurately.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex structures conveys the message clearly, but errors in articles, agreement, and sentence construction occur regularly.
Proofread systematically for article use, singular-plural agreement, and incomplete constructions such as "As is proven that".
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IELTS Writing Task 2
In many countries, airplane tickets prices have dropped. Is this a positive or negative development?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.