Nowadays families move to different countries for work. Some people think it has a negative effect on children, while others disagree. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Sample Response
Recent advancements, in technology and transportation in particular, are reshaping our world in an unprecedented manner. Nowadays, it is not unusual for people to work abroad. Most expatriates relocate their families to the countries they work at. Some people argue that this phenomenon negatively affects children, however, I agree with those who believe the opposite is true.
Those who think that relocating children to a new place is undesirable do so for many reasons. Their most common argument is the negative impact of moving on a child’s personality. There is no doubt that living in a different community comes with its challenges, especially to young people, as they get exposed to behaviours, actions and customs they might not be familiar with. As a result, children could possibly feel a lack of stability and some confusion. It is also likely that their patriotic feelings and sense of belonging to their home country could weaken as they would miss many opportunities to celebrate their national events.
Nevertheless, I firmly believe that opinion to be ludicrous, as it seems that getting exposed to a new culture is beneficial in many ways. It fosters young people social and emotional capabilities. Moreover, children living abroad have better opportunities to lean and practice new languages. Mastering more than one language improves not only their intellectual development, but also their opportunities in acquiring better jobs in the future. According to a recent study published by the University of Chicago, competency in more than one language increases employment chances on average by 200%.
In conclusion, I strongly believe that living in a different country positively affects children in all aspects. Acquiring new languages, and an open minded and tolerant personality are just few examples of the many possible benefits.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use relative adverb Original: countries they work at Suggested revision: countries where they work Why it matters: Use 'where' to refer naturally to the countries in which the expatriates work.
- 2. Fix comma splice Original: , however, Suggested revision: ; however, Why it matters: A semicolon is needed because 'however' links two independent clauses.
- 3. Correct preposition Original: to Suggested revision: for Why it matters: Use 'for' to identify the people who experience these challenges.
- 4. Use formal phrasing Original: get Suggested revision: are Why it matters: The passive form is more concise and appropriately formal here.
- 5. Remove redundancy Original: could possibly feel Suggested revision: could feel Why it matters: 'Could' already expresses possibility, so 'possibly' is redundant.
- 6. Use measured tone Original: ludicrous Suggested revision: unconvincing Why it matters: 'Unconvincing' presents the disagreement in a more appropriately measured academic tone.
- 7. Use formal phrasing Original: getting Suggested revision: being Why it matters: 'Being exposed to' is the more natural formal construction in this clause.
- 8. Add possessive form Original: people Suggested revision: people's Why it matters: The possessive apostrophe is required because the capabilities belong to young people.
- 9. Correct spelling Original: lean Suggested revision: learn Why it matters: 'Learn' is the intended verb for acquiring a new language.
- 10. Use infinitive form Original: opportunities in acquiring Suggested revision: opportunities to acquire Why it matters: The noun 'opportunities' is naturally followed by an infinitive in this construction.
- 11. Add article Original: just few examples Suggested revision: just a few examples Why it matters: The quantifier 'few' requires the article 'a' in this affirmative phrase.
- 12. Clarify modifier punctuation Original: advancements, in technology and transportation in particular, Suggested revision: advancements in technology and transportation, in particular, Why it matters: Moving the first comma makes the field of advancement part of the main noun phrase.
Suggested Rewrites
- countries they work at countries where they work
- , however, ; however,
- to for
- get are
- could possibly feel could feel
- ludicrous unconvincing
Why this response received Band 7.5
The response presents a clear position, discusses both perspectives, and develops its arguments with relevant consequences and examples. Its main limitation is a cluster of imprecise collocations, spelling slips, and grammatical lapses that slightly reduce polish despite consistently clear meaning. The highest priority is to proofread for word choice, possessives, articles, and sentence punctuation while retaining the strong development and organization.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views are addressed directly, the writer's position is consistent, and the main ideas are well extended with relevant explanation.
Strengthen the positive case further by replacing the questionable numerical claim with a more credible, fully explained example.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through well-focused paragraphs, with cohesive devices used clearly and effectively.
Refine links within longer sentences so that transitions rely less on punctuation-heavy coordination.
Lexical Resource
A wide vocabulary conveys nuanced ideas, although several inaccurate collocations and the spelling error in 'lean' reduce precision.
Proofread collocations such as 'opportunities in acquiring' and choose more natural, exact phrasing throughout.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses varied complex structures successfully, but errors with punctuation, possessives, articles, and noun forms recur.
Check sentence boundaries and small grammatical forms, especially possessives such as 'young people's' and articles before countable nouns.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Writing Task 2
Nowadays families move to different countries for work. Some people think it has a negative effect on children, while others disagree. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.