People are now living longer than ever before and many old people are unable to look after themselves. Some people believe that it is the responsibility of families to look after the elderly, while others say governments should provide retirement homes for them where they can be looked after properly. Discuss.
Sample Response
Nowadays people are living more than 80 or even 100 years and most of them are unable to look after themselves. The controversy over who is responsible for providing service for elderly people is hot debated. Some individuals suggest that families are required to care the old people, others argue that the government should organise retirement homes for older people. In many countries, people firmly believe that families should take care the old ones who are unable to do it themselves. For example, in Russia and China, it is common believe that it is a responsibility of families and if a family decide to send their parents to the retirement home it is considered disrespectful. Therefore, most of the families do it themselves. There is a general believe that families can care better and provide reasonable services to their old generation rather than it could be done in the retirement homes where the service is poor and not sufficient enough. Not only this, it is considered that the most significant source of happiness can give grandchildren and children to the elderly whereas it cannot be provided by any of the retirement places. On the other hand, the different opinion exists that the government should ensure a place in the retirement homes for elderly. For example, in Australia and Canada people argue that the government should give a place to the eldest when they are unable to provide care for themselves because the families should work, raise their children and live their lives most of all looking after themselves and the next generation. In those countries, the way of thinking and believes vary to Russia and China and people can rely on such institutions like retirement homes to look after their parents where the service is good and pleasant. To sum up, there are two opinions about who should look after the old individuals and for different countries, there is a different way to go. In my opinion, no matter who takes care the old parents, it should be done properly and from the bottom of the hard. In the perfect situation, a balance is required between families and the retirement homes to look after the eldest.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Correct number and preposition Original: providing service for elderly people Suggested revision: providing services to elderly people Why it matters: The plural noun and preposition “to” form the correct phrase here.
- 2. Use adverb form Original: hot Suggested revision: hotly Why it matters: The adverb “hotly” is required to modify “debated.”
- 3. Add required preposition Original: care the old people Suggested revision: care for elderly people Why it matters: The verb phrase is “care for,” and “elderly people” is the natural noun phrase.
- 4. Complete phrasal verb Original: take care the old ones Suggested revision: take care of elderly relatives Why it matters: “Take care of” requires “of,” and the revised noun phrase is more precise.
- 5. Use noun form Original: believe Suggested revision: belief Why it matters: “Belief” is the required noun, while “believe” is a verb.
- 6. Use definite article Original: a Suggested revision: the Why it matters: The sentence identifies a specific responsibility, so “the” is required.
- 7. Fix subject-verb agreement Original: decide Suggested revision: decides Why it matters: The singular subject “a family” requires “decides.”
- 8. Match pronoun and article Original: their parents to the retirement home Suggested revision: its parents to a retirement home Why it matters: The singular subject takes “its,” and a nonspecific home takes “a.”
- 9. Remove unnecessary words Original: most of the families Suggested revision: most families Why it matters: A general statement uses “most families” without “of the.”
- 10. Use noun form Original: believe Suggested revision: belief Why it matters: “Belief” is the noun required after “general.”
- 11. Clarify care comparison Original: families can care better Suggested revision: families can provide better care Why it matters: The revision supplies the object needed for a clear comparison.
- 12. Use precise family term Original: their old generation Suggested revision: their elderly relatives Why it matters: “Elderly relatives” identifies the people being cared for more naturally.
Suggested Rewrites
- providing service for elderly people providing services to elderly people
- hot hotly
- care the old people care for elderly people
- take care the old ones take care of elderly relatives
- believe belief
- a the
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response covers both family care and government retirement homes with relevant country-based illustrations, and its balanced conclusion is clear. Its effectiveness is reduced by the absence of paragraph breaks and by frequent errors in word forms, articles, agreement, and collocation. The highest-priority improvement is to organise the two views into distinct body paragraphs and edit sentences for accurate, natural expression.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both perspectives are addressed with relevant reasons and examples, and the conclusion presents a clear balanced view.
Develop the examples beyond broad national comparisons by explaining the practical conditions under which each form of care works best.
Coherence and Cohesion
The ideas move logically from family care to government provision and then to a conclusion, but presenting the entire response as one paragraph weakens organisation.
Separate the introduction, the two opposing views, and the conclusion into distinct paragraphs with clear topic sentences.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary is adequate for discussing care, responsibility, and institutions, though repeated word-form and collocation errors reduce precision.
Use natural phrases such as “care for elderly people,” “a common belief,” and “from the bottom of the heart.”
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A range of sentence forms is attempted and the main meaning is usually clear, but frequent agreement, article, preposition, and clause errors persist.
Check each sentence for subject–verb agreement and articles, and simplify clauses whose word order obscures the intended relationship.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
People are now living longer than ever before and many old people are unable to look after themselves. Some people believe that it is the responsibility of families to look after the elderly, while others say governments should provide retirement homes for them where they can be looked after properly. Discuss.
Your response
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