Are famous people treated unfairly by the media? Should they be given more privacy, or is the price of their fame an invasion into their private life? Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Sample Response
Different people hold different point of view regarding the way media treat famous personalities, specifically in terms of coverage of their private lives. I strongly believe that the media should refrain itself from breaching the privacy of notable personalities & I will provide suitable reasoning to support my stand. To further strengthen my position, light on the other view point will also be shed along with discussing its faults.
Firstly, it should be noted that privacy is equally needed by everyone. For me privacy is our right & cannot be compromised in any way. In my opinion, media nowadays fail to draw line between private & social life. It greatly confuses the two and the result is obnoxious, unethical, spiced up news. Taking the example of the latest news hype about a Pakistani actress wearing western clothes & smoking with an Indian star; the act itself is very personal but media of both countries didn’t fail to fully cover it and make a fuss out of it. It can be easily estimated that 40% of news influx is related to private matters of celebrities and this needs to change. They use it to increase their channel rankings & get maximum viewership.
On the other hand, there is a school of thought that believes that fame comes for a certain price & that is to sacrifice your privacy. They are comfortable with media breaching privacy of celebrities as they are of the opinion that a celebrity becomes a national asset & is the bearer of national culture. I again, condemn this thought & believes that it is unethical to poke around into private matters of anyone.
Concluding, I want to say that line must be drawn between a celebrity’s private & social life & media should avoid invading their lives, as privacy is our psychological need. It is not an acceptable trend to use such news for increased channel ratings.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use plural phrase Original: point Suggested revision: points Why it matters: Multiple people holding differing opinions require the plural expression ‘points of view’.
- 2. Add definite article Original: the way media treat Suggested revision: the way the media treat Why it matters: ‘The media’ conventionally takes the definite article when referring to news organizations collectively.
- 3. Remove reflexive pronoun Original: refrain itself from Suggested revision: refrain from Why it matters: The verb ‘refrain’ is followed directly by ‘from’ and does not take a reflexive object here.
- 4. Add required articles Original: media nowadays fail to draw line Suggested revision: the media nowadays fail to draw a line Why it matters: Both the collective noun ‘media’ and the singular count noun ‘line’ require articles in this context.
- 5. Match plural reference Original: It greatly confuses the two Suggested revision: They greatly confuse the two Why it matters: The pronoun should agree with the plural collective reference ‘the media’.
- 6. Use precise wording Original: spiced up news Suggested revision: sensationalized news Why it matters: ‘Sensationalized news’ is a more precise formal expression for exaggerated reporting.
- 7. Use correct collocation Original: influx Suggested revision: coverage Why it matters: ‘News coverage’ refers naturally to the amount or subject matter of reporting.
- 8. Fix preposition Original: for Suggested revision: at Why it matters: The fixed expression is ‘come at a price’.
- 9. Keep pronouns consistent Original: your Suggested revision: their Why it matters: The third-person plural pronoun matches the preceding reference to famous people.
- 10. Use possessive structure Original: media breaching privacy of celebrities Suggested revision: the media breaching celebrities’ privacy Why it matters: The definite article and possessive form create the correct noun phrase.
- 11. Remove misplaced comma Original: I again, condemn Suggested revision: I again condemn Why it matters: The adverb ‘again’ should not be separated from the verb by a comma.
- 12. Fix form and agreement Original: thought & believes Suggested revision: thought and believe Why it matters: Formal prose uses ‘and’, and the verb must agree with the subject ‘I’.
Suggested Rewrites
- point points
- the way media treat the way the media treat
- refrain itself from refrain from
- media nowadays fail to draw line the media nowadays fail to draw a line
- It greatly confuses the two They greatly confuse the two
- spiced up news sensationalized news
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response establishes a clear opinion and supports the case for privacy with a relevant, concrete example. Its main limitation is that the opposing view is presented briefly and dismissed rather than fully examined, while recurring article, agreement, and collocation errors reduce polish. Expand the rationale behind accepting media intrusion before rebutting it, and revise sentences for accurate grammar and more formal academic wording.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The position is clear and the privacy argument is developed with an example, but the alternative view receives only limited explanation before being rejected.
Explain why some people regard loss of privacy as a legitimate cost of fame, then provide a reasoned rebuttal.
Coherence and Cohesion
The four-paragraph structure and progression are clear, though some linking is formulaic and the opposing paragraph is disproportionately brief.
Balance the body paragraphs more effectively and connect claims through their logic rather than relying on stock transitions.
Lexical Resource
A reasonably varied vocabulary conveys the argument effectively, but awkward collocations, repetition, and the ampersand reduce formality and precision.
Use conventional academic collocations and replace shorthand and repeated terms with precise formal wording.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses a range of sentence forms, but recurring errors with articles, agreement, prepositions, and punctuation are noticeable.
Edit systematically for missing articles and subject–verb agreement, then correct punctuation around complex clauses.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Are famous people treated unfairly by the media? Should they be given more privacy, or is the price of their fame an invasion into their private life? Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.