Are famous people treated unfairly by the media? Should they be given more privacy, or is the price of their fame an invasion into their private lives? Give your opinion about this issue?
Sample Response
Media plays an important part in our lives. However, some people believe that the famous people are negatively depicted by the media while others reckon that media is the first source that produces the famous people. For many reasons, which will be discussed below, I strongly believe that positive media does not affect the famous people, unlike the negative one which interferes with their private lives.
It is widely agreeable that the positive media makes us well informed about the famous people. To illustrate, we can become so familiar to those famous people and we can get benefit from their good merits. Additionally, we will be able to apply their good conducts in our lives. Needless to say, all people are affected only by the famous people. Consequently, we can imitate them in whatever is positive. In this way, I believe that media should continue to show us those famous people so that we can develop and lead a comfortable life.
Media plays an important role to make someone famous. Mass people from all around the world know about the fame of someone through the media. So in a way, media helps someone to get famous. It is a bad practice for reporter and journalist to take vengeance against some famous celebrities. This should be completely avoided. I completely agree that the famous people should be given their privacy and should not be followed everywhere they go to. This is a basic human right that they often can't enjoy.
The second reason why the positive media is important for famous people is that it enormously increases the fame of those people. Additionally, such famous people will drastically be known all over the world. Hence, the famous people will not only gain their fame medially but rather they will be materialistically and morally rich ones. Accordingly, it can be noticed that famous people get their fame from the media and they will be so grateful to such promising and positive media.
On the other hand, when the negative media is employed in the lives of famous people, it will upset them. In other words, all of us know that some curious media always want to know everything about the famous people. Moreover, it always interferes in their lives and chases them wherever they go. Undoubtedly, such famous people will utterly become dissatisfied with the so-called media since it penetrates their privacy. As a result, this kind of media is surely unwelcome in all communities.
To recap, we have to differentiate between the two kinds of media mentioned above. Positive media contributes widely to the production of famous people while the bad one extremely affects the privacy of those famous people. Hence, we should do our best to encourage the positive media and to prevent such negative one.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Article use Original: Media plays Suggested revision: The media plays Why it matters: Use “the media” for the institution.
- 2. Unnecessary article Original: the famous people Suggested revision: famous people Why it matters: Do not use “the” for a general plural group.
- 3. Unnatural verb Original: produces the famous people Suggested revision: creates famous people Why it matters: This is more natural for fame.
- 4. Unclear meaning Original: positive media does not affect Suggested revision: positive media coverage does not harm Why it matters: “Affect” is too broad here.
- 5. Preposition error Original: familiar to those famous people Suggested revision: familiar with those famous people Why it matters: Use “familiar with”.
- 6. Redundant phrase Original: get benefit from their good merits Suggested revision: benefit from their good qualities Why it matters: “Good merits” is unnatural.
- 7. Wrong noun form Original: good conducts Suggested revision: good conduct Why it matters: “Conduct” is uncountable here.
- 8. Overgeneralized claim Original: all people are affected only by the famous people Suggested revision: many people are influenced by famous people Why it matters: The original claim is too absolute and unclear.
- 9. Wrong phrase Original: Mass people Suggested revision: Many people Why it matters: “Mass people” is not idiomatic.
- 10. Wrong meaning Original: take vengeance against Suggested revision: harass Why it matters: This is closer to the intended idea.
- 11. Unnatural phrase Original: drastically be known Suggested revision: become widely known Why it matters: This is the natural collocation.
- 12. Collocation Original: penetrates their privacy Suggested revision: invades their privacy Why it matters: Use the common phrase “invade privacy”.
Suggested Rewrites
- Media plays The media plays
- the famous people famous people
- produces the famous people creates famous people
- positive media does not affect positive media coverage does not harm
- familiar to those famous people familiar with those famous people
- get benefit from their good merits benefit from their good qualities
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The essay supports privacy for famous people, but spends too much space describing positive media rather than directly analysing unfair treatment.
Focus on whether coverage is fair, what privacy should be protected, and when public interest justifies reporting.
Coherence and Cohesion
There are paragraphs, but the argument repeats the same point about positive media creating fame.
Merge repeated material and use one paragraph for benefits of media and one for limits on intrusion.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied, but some word choices are unnatural, exaggerated, or repetitive.
Use precise terms such as celebrities, public figures, press coverage, harassment, privacy, and public interest.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Grammar is usually understandable, but article, preposition, and noun-form errors are frequent.
Edit general plural nouns and avoid unnecessary articles before groups such as famous people.