More and more people are becoming seriously overweight. Some people say that the price increase of fattening foods will solve this problem. To what extend do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
In this century, obesity is considered a global issue because of its consequences among all aged people. Many claim that the rise in the cost of fattening foods should solve this problem. This essay agrees with the statement as the increase in price makes people less affordable to eat out and also, they begin to appreciate food cooked at home.
One main reason for the reduction in consumption of fattening foods is affordability. It is a known fact that children are the major victims of obesity, and they inherit the condition when they grow up. For instance, the rise in the price of street foods would make the kids stop or eat less as they have minimal pocket money when they study. Hence, they become less addicted to the taste and overcome the habit in the long run. In adults, the surge in the rates would make them think twice to shell out extra money from their hard-earned savings.
Secondly, it is evident that home-cooked foods will be valued. Due to the growth in rates of fast foods, people begin to eat a lot at home in order to save money. Consequently, they understand the real benefits of home foods apart from saving them. The pandemic period, for example, threw new opportunities for families to try new dishes and taste them. This paved way to test their taste buds with a variety of foods that are still healthy. Subsequently, they realized that home-based foods could be delicious, which indirectly creates a healthy eating habit.
To conclude, the surge in the rates of fast foods is a blessing for a healthier world. This is due to the lack of affordability and the high value and respect they give to home-cooked foods.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural phrasing Original: all aged people Suggested revision: people of all ages Why it matters: People of all ages is the standard expression for every age group.
- 2. Use suitable modality Original: should Suggested revision: could Why it matters: Could expresses the claimed possibility, whereas should sounds like an expectation or obligation here.
- 3. Clarify the meaning Original: inherit the condition when they grow up Suggested revision: remain affected by the condition as they grow up Why it matters: Inherit incorrectly suggests genetic transmission rather than the condition continuing into adulthood.
- 4. Use uncountable noun Original: foods Suggested revision: food Why it matters: Street food is normally uncountable when referring to this food category generally.
- 5. Correct the collocation Original: addicted Suggested revision: accustomed Why it matters: Accustomed to a taste expresses familiarity, while addicted to the taste is an unnatural collocation.
- 6. Use natural collocation Original: overcome Suggested revision: break Why it matters: Break a habit is the standard collocation for stopping a repeated behaviour.
- 7. Clarify price reference Original: In adults, the surge in the rates would make them Suggested revision: For adults, higher prices would make them Why it matters: Higher prices clearly identifies the cost increase and For adults introduces the affected group naturally.
- 8. Correct verb pattern Original: think twice to shell out Suggested revision: think twice before spending Why it matters: Think twice is followed naturally by before plus an -ing form.
- 9. Clarify the price rise Original: growth in rates of fast foods Suggested revision: rise in fast-food prices Why it matters: Prices rise, whereas growth in rates is vague and unnatural in this context.
- 10. Use consistent modality Original: people begin to eat a lot at home Suggested revision: people may eat at home more often Why it matters: May keeps this predicted response appropriately tentative and more often gives a precise comparison.
- 11. Clarify the benefit Original: home foods apart from saving them Suggested revision: home-cooked food beyond the financial savings Why it matters: The replacement removes the unclear pronoun them and uses the natural term home-cooked food.
- 12. Use concise phrasing Original: pandemic period Suggested revision: pandemic Why it matters: The pandemic conveys the time period without the redundant noun period.
Suggested Rewrites
- all aged people people of all ages
- should could
- inherit the condition when they grow up remain affected by the condition as they grow up
- foods food
- addicted accustomed
- overcome break
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response has a clear position and an easy-to-follow structure built around affordability and greater reliance on home cooking. Its main limitation is that some support is only loosely connected to food-price increases, particularly the pandemic example, and several claims about children and healthy home food are overgeneralised. The highest priority is to develop each reason with a direct, credible causal chain showing how higher prices would reduce obesity.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The essay addresses the question and maintains agreement, but the two main reasons are supported unevenly and sometimes simplistically.
Use one realistic example for each reason and explain every step from higher prices to changed behaviour and lower obesity.
Coherence and Cohesion
The four-paragraph structure is clear and the main ideas are easy to locate, though some linking is mechanical or imprecise.
Improve progression by connecting examples directly to their topic sentences and clarifying vague pronoun references such as they and them.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is adequate for the topic, but frequent unnatural collocations and word choices weaken precision despite generally clear meaning.
Use more natural expressions such as less able to afford, fast-food prices, and home-cooked meals, and avoid inflated wording.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses both simple and complex sentences, but recurring problems with articles, complements, and reference prevent consistently accurate control.
Edit for missing articles, accurate verb patterns, and clearer noun references, especially in sentences describing affordability and home cooking.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
More and more people are becoming seriously overweight. Some people say that the price increase of fattening foods will solve this problem. To what extend do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.