The problem of obesity is becoming a serious issue all over the world. some people argue that the price of fatty food should be increased to reduce the growth of the problem. do you agree or disagree with this?
Sample Response
Undoubtedly, the world is facing a huge problem of fatness which is a matter to be concerned with.the reason behind this is that modern people are more eager to take junk food in their diet. however, some people suggest that there should be a hike in the cost of fast food to decrease its consumption.i agree with this viewpoint which will be discussed in the upcoming paragraphs. The problem of obesity is becoming a serious issue all over the world
The obvious solution is boosting the rate of the foods which are rich in calories. this can be achieved by imposing vat and taxes on such kind of eatables. this would definitely help in controlling the problem because consumers would think least once before buying it. however, persons belong to rich class would not be affected by doing this because they have nothing to be worried about the money. furthermore, this would result in inflation. The problem of obesity is becoming a serious issue all over the world
A more feasible approach would be people too aware of their health.this can be done by suggesting people take exercise daily. for this purpose, exercise awareness, campaigns can be organized by the governments. likewise, the administration could give advertisements in the newspaper and on television also regarding health issues. The problem of obesity is becoming a serious issue all over the world
In conclusion, although this solution provides some assistance in reducing the problem of obesity yet organizing awareness seminars among people would be the best solution to overcome this problem. The problem of obesity is becoming a serious issue all over the world
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use the precise term Original: fatness Suggested revision: obesity Why it matters: Obesity is the appropriate formal term for the health condition discussed.
- 2. Use natural phrasing Original: a matter to be concerned with Suggested revision: a cause for concern Why it matters: The replacement is the idiomatic expression for a serious problem.
- 3. Clarify eating habits Original: modern people are more eager to take junk food in their diet Suggested revision: people today are more inclined to include junk food in their diets Why it matters: Eager to take food in a diet is unnatural and misstates the intended tendency.
- 4. Capitalize the sentence Original: however Suggested revision: However Why it matters: A new sentence must begin with a capital letter.
- 5. Use precise wording Original: a hike in the cost of fast food Suggested revision: an increase in the price of fast food Why it matters: Price is more precise than cost when referring to what consumers pay.
- 6. Capitalize the pronoun Original: i Suggested revision: I Why it matters: The first-person pronoun is always capitalized.
- 7. Remove copied repetition Original: upcoming paragraphs. The problem of obesity is becoming a serious issue all over the world Suggested revision: upcoming paragraphs. Why it matters: Repeating the task sentence here interrupts the introduction rather than advancing it.
- 8. Correct the price phrase Original: boosting the rate of the foods Suggested revision: increasing the price of foods Why it matters: Rate does not refer naturally to the retail price of food in this context.
- 9. Use the standard abbreviation Original: vat Suggested revision: VAT Why it matters: This abbreviation for value-added tax should be written in capitals.
- 10. Fix the noun phrase Original: such kind of eatables Suggested revision: such foods Why it matters: Such kind of is grammatically inconsistent, and eatables is unnatural here.
- 11. Correct the expression Original: think least once Suggested revision: think at least once Why it matters: The fixed expression requires at least.
- 12. Match the plural noun Original: it Suggested revision: them Why it matters: The pronoun must agree with the plural noun foods.
Suggested Rewrites
- fatness obesity
- a matter to be concerned with a cause for concern
- modern people are more eager to take junk food in their diet people today are more inclined to include junk food in their diets
- however However
- a hike in the cost of fast food an increase in the price of fast food
- i I
Why this response received Band 5.0
The response has a recognisable structure and considers both the likely effect and limitations of raising food prices, but its stated agreement becomes uncertain when health awareness is presented as the preferable solution. Repeated copying of the task sentence, limited development, and frequent language errors weaken the argument; prioritise a consistent position supported by two clearly explained reasons, without reproducing the prompt.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response addresses the proposal and gives a view, but the final preference for awareness weakens the stated agreement and the ideas receive limited support.
State a precise degree of agreement and develop two reasons that consistently justify that position with relevant examples.
Coherence and Cohesion
Basic paragraphing and common linking words provide a visible progression, but repeated task sentences interrupt cohesion and some connections are mechanical.
Remove all copied prompt lines and use each paragraph to develop one logically connected point.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is sufficient for the main message, but frequent inaccurate choices and collocations such as expressions about food prices and health awareness limit precision.
Build accurate topic phrases such as raise the price, calorie-dense foods, and public health campaigns, then use them consistently.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Simple meanings are usually understandable, but frequent errors in capitalization, spacing, articles, agreement, and clause construction reduce control.
Proofread sentence boundaries and capitalization first, then correct article and verb-form errors in each sentence.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
The problem of obesity is becoming a serious issue all over the world. some people argue that the price of fatty food should be increased to reduce the growth of the problem. do you agree or disagree with this?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.