In some countries, even though the rates of serious crimes are decreasing, people feel less safe than ever before. What do you think are the causes of this problem and what measures could be taken to solve it?
Sample Response
Although grievous offences are reducing, some people feel more insecure than they used to. The main reason behind this is the increase of cyber bullying and hate-crimes, and the solution would be to raise the general awareness among the masses and by promulgating new laws. The primary cause of people not feeling safe than they used to is because the arena of crime has changed. More people are interacting virtually over the internet, which is mostly unregulated. Therefore, people are easily subject to harassment and bullying on social medias. Moreover, people are also subject to hate-crimes which is a consequence of constant portrayal of a certain group of people as evil by the media. For example, labeling the activities of criminals, who professes the Islamic faith, as terrorists has resulted in an increase in hate-crimes against Muslims across America. The solution to such problems would be in educating the general people so that they are more aware. This will allow them to act more responsibly. Also, the government can play their part by enacting new laws that addresses the needs of time. This will make their citizens feel more secure because they can have their problems redressed. For instance, the government of Bangladesh recently enacted Digital Security Act, 2018 and Digital Security Rules, 2020 in order to penalize offences that take place in the cyberspace, as crimes like online harassment and cyber bullying was not previously defined as an offence. In conclusion, insecurity among some section of the population is still prevailing due to the change in the nature of crimes that are being committed nowadays. However, this can easily be addressed by making people aware and also by making new laws.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use task-aligned term Original: grievous offences Suggested revision: serious crimes Why it matters: 'Serious crimes' is the natural term for the offences described in the prompt.
- 2. Correct comparison form Original: not feeling safe than they used to Suggested revision: not feeling as safe as they used to Why it matters: An equality comparison requires the structure 'as ... as.'
- 3. Correct cause structure Original: because Suggested revision: that Why it matters: A clause after 'the cause is' should be introduced with 'that,' not 'because.'
- 4. Use natural preposition Original: over Suggested revision: on Why it matters: 'On the internet' is the standard expression for online interaction.
- 5. Use passive participle Original: subject Suggested revision: subjected Why it matters: The passive expression requires 'subjected to' when people experience mistreatment.
- 6. Use uncountable noun Original: medias Suggested revision: media Why it matters: 'Social media' is used as an uncountable collective term here.
- 7. Fix relative clause Original: criminals, who professes the Islamic faith, Suggested revision: criminals who profess the Islamic faith Why it matters: The restrictive clause needs no commas, and plural 'criminals' takes 'profess.'
- 8. Correct infinitive structure Original: would be in educating Suggested revision: would be to educate Why it matters: The complement after 'the solution would be' should use the infinitive form.
- 9. Use standard expression Original: people Suggested revision: public Why it matters: 'The general public' is the standard phrase for people collectively.
- 10. Match singular pronoun Original: their Suggested revision: its Why it matters: The singular collective noun 'government' should agree with 'its' in this sentence.
- 11. Fix subject-verb agreement Original: addresses Suggested revision: address Why it matters: The plural antecedent 'laws' requires the plural verb 'address.'
- 12. Add required article Original: needs of time Suggested revision: needs of the time Why it matters: The fixed expression requires the definite article before 'time.'
Suggested Rewrites
- grievous offences serious crimes
- not feeling safe than they used to not feeling as safe as they used to
- because that
- over on
- subject subjected
- medias media
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response directly addresses both causes and measures, with a clear central argument and relevant examples concerning online abuse, hate crime, education, and legislation. Its main limitations are the lack of paragraphing and recurring grammatical and collocational inaccuracies, which make an otherwise logical argument less polished. Prioritise dividing the discussion into purposeful paragraphs and editing agreement, comparison, article, and word-form errors so the reasoning is easier to follow.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both parts of the task are answered with a clear position, relevant causes and solutions, and supporting examples that are generally well developed.
Explain more precisely how public education would change behaviour and reduce insecurity rather than leaving this solution relatively general.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument follows a clear cause-to-solution sequence and uses cohesive devices appropriately, but presenting the entire response as one paragraph weakens organisation.
Separate the introduction, causes, solutions, and conclusion into distinct paragraphs, each with a focused controlling idea.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a good range of topic-specific vocabulary, though several expressions are awkward or inaccurate, including grievous offences are reducing and social medias.
Improve collocational precision with natural forms such as serious crime is declining, social media, and the general public.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex structures communicates the argument clearly, but recurring agreement, article, comparison, and preposition errors remain noticeable.
Proofread systematically for subject-verb agreement and sentence patterns, especially laws that address, criminals who profess, and less safe than before.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
In some countries, even though the rates of serious crimes are decreasing, people feel less safe than ever before. What do you think are the causes of this problem and what measures could be taken to solve it?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.