Nowadays many people follow fashion trends and think that it is very important. Is it a good or a bad development?
Sample Response
Perhaps no subject in the world causes as much controversy as fashion does. As human march on the new millennium, there has been a significant growth to pursue fashion. Although it seems to be extremely vital, I firmly side with negative effects of the following fashion.
The first point to note is that without a doubt, trendy products can broaden our knowledge about innovative breakthrough such as novel home appliances or latest cars to facilitate people's lifestyle but, the reality is the opposite. These products are contributed to showing people's status. As we are living in a competitive world, rivalry among families is on the rise and in this way families are willing to illustrate they are wealthy and up to date. Thus, that is why they have an inclination to the emphasis on fashion.
Another justification to indicate downsides of being trendy is entirely wasting time and money. It should be considered that fashions are only available for a short time of a year and they will fade forever. So, spending a great amount of budget on them is completely unrealistic. Meanwhile, recently, youngsters are more likely to be fashion persuasive which might be due to peer pressure. They are not mature enough to think if these new things are lucrative or not.
In addition, owing to the widespread of advertisement, people are easily cajoled by them and they are encouraged to follow the latest fashion. Therefore, the role of advertisements to create fashion as an essential part of life should be taken into consideration.
As suggested above, it can conclude that benefits of being fashionable never overshadow pitfalls.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Fix subject agreement Original: As human march Suggested revision: As humanity marches Why it matters: Humanity is the appropriate collective noun and requires the singular verb marches.
- 2. Use the right preposition Original: on Suggested revision: into Why it matters: Into correctly describes movement into a new period.
- 3. Fix the collocation Original: a significant growth to pursue fashion Suggested revision: a significant increase in the pursuit of fashion Why it matters: Increase in the pursuit is the natural noun construction here.
- 4. Use the plural noun Original: breakthrough Suggested revision: breakthroughs Why it matters: The following examples refer to more than one possible innovation.
- 5. Add the article Original: or latest cars Suggested revision: or the latest cars Why it matters: The superlative latest requires the definite article.
- 6. Use natural wording Original: facilitate people's lifestyle Suggested revision: make people's lives easier Why it matters: Facilitate does not naturally collocate with lifestyle in this context.
- 7. Use the correct verb Original: illustrate they are wealthy Suggested revision: show that they are wealthy Why it matters: Show that correctly introduces the claim being demonstrated.
- 8. Remove redundant linking Original: Thus, that is why Suggested revision: Thus, Why it matters: Thus and that is why perform the same cohesive function.
- 9. Fix the expression Original: an inclination to the emphasis on fashion Suggested revision: an inclination to emphasise fashion Why it matters: The revised phrase uses the correct infinitive pattern after inclination.
- 10. Use a clear phrase Original: justification to indicate downsides Suggested revision: reason to highlight the downsides Why it matters: This wording states the paragraph's purpose naturally and precisely.
- 11. Fix the complement Original: being trendy is entirely wasting time and money Suggested revision: being trendy is a complete waste of time and money Why it matters: The noun phrase a complete waste correctly follows the linking verb.
- 12. Use natural duration wording Original: a short time of a year Suggested revision: a short period Why it matters: A short period expresses duration without the incorrect of a year phrase.
Suggested Rewrites
- As human march As humanity marches
- on into
- a significant growth to pursue fashion a significant increase in the pursuit of fashion
- breakthrough breakthroughs
- or latest cars or the latest cars
- facilitate people's lifestyle make people's lives easier
Why this response received Band 6.0
The essay takes a clear negative position and offers several relevant reasons, including status competition, wasted money, peer pressure, and advertising. However, development is uneven, with some claims only briefly explained and one opening argument becoming unclear. The highest priority is to express each reason in simpler, more accurate language and then support it with a concrete consequence or example.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear position is maintained and several relevant disadvantages are presented, though some ideas are only partly developed.
Build each main reason through a clear cause-and-effect explanation and add a specific supporting example where useful.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response has a recognizable progression and appropriate paragraph divisions, but some links are mechanical or logically unclear.
Use clearer topic sentences and ensure that every sentence within a paragraph directly advances the same central idea.
Lexical Resource
The essay attempts a broad and formal vocabulary, but frequent inaccurate collocations and word choices reduce precision.
Prefer familiar, natural combinations and check whether ambitious words convey the intended meaning in context.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses both simple and complex structures, but recurring errors in agreement, articles, clauses, and sentence construction affect clarity.
Prioritize accurate clause construction and agreement, using shorter sentences when a complex form cannot be controlled reliably.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Nowadays many people follow fashion trends and think that it is very important. Is it a good or a bad development?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.