Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary schools rather than secondary school. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?
Sample Response
It is argued by some professionals that adolescents should learn an extra language along with the local language of their country in their kindergarten school instead of learning in secondary school.This essay will discuss both advantage and disadvantage and will submit that the benefits are far reaching than the drawbacks. Learning a second dialect in primary school has outstanding prospects in practical life.When a person used to know a second language in their junior school,they would have better opportunities during applying for a job or working with a high standard company.As a matter of fact,nowadays, employers demand extraordinary skilled graduates with creative mind,multilingual and outspoken, and all these qualities are accessed by being a bilingual person.Many researches showed that to learn an extra language helps in developing a creative mind, and these individuals are more creative than monolinguals.Moreover,it is commonly noticed that multi-dialect students have exceptional grades in professional studies.Therefore,I personally believe a multilingual person has widespread advantages in the future besides being in the present too. Nevertheless,primary school goers are in an impressionable age and having an extra course can be tiresome to them.During middle grade studies,a student has to study a number of subjects and if an additional part is also included with the majors,could prove a burden and ultimately failure in the school.For instance,many people feel that inclusion of an unimportant topic has many bad outcomes regarding performance and health too.However,most of the student do not face these type of problems until they have proper guidance and support. In,learning a second language in primary school has prominent advantages in term of better career prospects, creative thinking and most effectively,excellent results in tertiary school education,while being losing in their exam due to extra subject is taken as a negative notion.However,proper counselling can prevent this effect too.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use accurate age group Original: adolescents Suggested revision: children Why it matters: Children accurately matches the primary-school age group discussed in the task.
- 2. Use accurate school stage Original: kindergarten Suggested revision: primary Why it matters: Primary school is the educational stage being compared with secondary school.
- 3. Use plural nouns Original: both advantage and disadvantage Suggested revision: both advantages and disadvantages Why it matters: Both requires plural countable nouns in this construction.
- 4. Use appropriate reporting verb Original: submit Suggested revision: argue Why it matters: Argue is the appropriate verb for presenting the essay's position.
- 5. Correct comparison Original: the benefits are far reaching than the drawbacks Suggested revision: the benefits far outweigh the drawbacks Why it matters: Far outweigh gives the intended comparison in a grammatical form.
- 6. Use accurate term Original: dialect Suggested revision: language Why it matters: A dialect is a variety of a language, whereas the response refers to learning another language.
- 7. Use natural phrasing Original: outstanding prospects in practical life Suggested revision: considerable practical benefits Why it matters: The replacement states the intended benefit with natural academic collocation.
- 8. Use adverb form Original: extraordinary Suggested revision: extraordinarily Why it matters: An adverb is required to modify the adjective skilled.
- 9. Use plural noun Original: mind Suggested revision: minds Why it matters: The plural subject graduates requires the countable noun minds in the plural.
- 10. Make list parallel Original: multilingual and outspoken Suggested revision: who are multilingual and articulate Why it matters: The relative clause makes these qualities parallel with the description of graduates.
- 11. Correct word choice Original: accessed Suggested revision: developed Why it matters: Developed expresses how such personal qualities are acquired.
- 12. Correct uncountable noun Original: Many researches showed Suggested revision: Research has shown Why it matters: Research is uncountable in this meaning and takes a singular verb.
Suggested Rewrites
- adolescents children
- kindergarten primary
- both advantage and disadvantage both advantages and disadvantages
- submit argue
- the benefits are far reaching than the drawbacks the benefits far outweigh the drawbacks
- dialect language
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response clearly concludes that the benefits outweigh the drawbacks and discusses relevant advantages and a plausible disadvantage. Its strongest feature is the range of supporting ideas, but development is sometimes general and frequent awkward phrasing and grammatical errors blur the reasoning. The highest priority is to organise the comparison into clear paragraphs and express each claim in shorter, accurately controlled sentences with specific evidence.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response addresses both sides and maintains a clear comparative position, though several claims rely on broad assertions rather than developed evidence.
Explain why early language study produces each claimed benefit and use a specific example before weighing it against the disadvantage.
Coherence and Cohesion
The ideas follow a generally logical advantages-to-disadvantages sequence, but the single block of text and crowded linking reduce clarity.
Create separate introduction, advantage, disadvantage, and conclusion paragraphs, and use cohesive phrases only where the logical relationship is explicit.
Lexical Resource
A reasonably broad topic vocabulary is attempted, but frequent inaccurate collocations and word choices make several points sound unnatural.
Choose precise expressions such as foreign language, highly skilled graduates, and academic performance, and avoid substituting dialect where it is inaccurate.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response attempts varied complex structures, but errors in agreement, articles, verb forms, and clause construction occur throughout.
Use shorter sentence patterns for key claims and proofread each clause for a subject, a correctly formed verb, and accurate noun agreement.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary schools rather than secondary school. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.