Some people think that children should begin their formal education at a very early age. Others think they should begin after 7 years of age. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Sample Response
Many feel that children ought to commence formal schooling from a very young age while others feel classes should start after the age of 7. In my opinion, though there are social benefits to early schooling, many of these can be replicated outside the classroom and there are emotional advantages to attending school later.
There are legitimate reasons for young children to enter school related to socializing. This can be best illustrated by the case of home-schooled children who often have underdeveloped social skills that can persist into adulthood. In contrast, children who are active members of a social group from a young age are far more likely to develop outgoing, positive ways of engaging with others. As they progress through normal childhood developmental stages and become less egocentric, the presence of other children, and teachers to some extent, has enormous benefits. However, parents can reproduce these advantages by ensuring their children have time to socialize with neighborhood friends.
Furthermore, entering school after the age of 7 can serve as a long-term boon for emotional health. When students begin formal schooling, they necessarily feel stressed not only from competition with other children but also due to the burden of homework and grades. If children remain home longer, they will form stronger familial bonds that will encourage healthy relationships later in life. Research has shown that the early years are essential in dictating how a child will develop interpersonally. A child who received adequate love and attention is considerably more likely to feel secure and establish healthy relationships with friends and family in adulthood. Academics can always be strengthened later but this is not always true for unseen emotional work.
In conclusion, despite the social benefits of schooling for young children, the emotional ramifications of remaining home in a supportive environment are more important. School administrators should consider this question carefully.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Separate the clauses Original: young age while Suggested revision: young age, while Why it matters: A comma helps separate the two contrasting independent clauses.
- 2. Clarify the relationship Original: related to socializing Suggested revision: because of the socialization it offers Why it matters: The replacement removes the ambiguous attachment and states the relationship directly.
- 3. Use concise voice Original: can be best illustrated Suggested revision: is best illustrated Why it matters: The simpler passive form is more natural and precise here.
- 4. Make structure parallel Original: not only from competition with other children but also due to Suggested revision: not only because of competition with other children but also because of Why it matters: Matching ‘because of’ phrases creates the required parallel structure.
- 5. Add the preposition Original: remain home longer Suggested revision: remain at home longer Why it matters: ‘Remain at home’ is the standard form in this context.
- 6. Avoid overstatement Original: essential in dictating Suggested revision: important in shaping Why it matters: The revised collocation expresses influence more precisely without implying total control.
- 7. Keep tense consistent Original: received Suggested revision: receives Why it matters: The general conditional claim requires the present tense to match ‘is’.
- 8. Clarify the noun Original: Academics can always be strengthened later Suggested revision: Academic skills can be developed later Why it matters: ‘Academics’ normally refers to people or an educational field, not a child's skills.
- 9. Use a clear term Original: unseen emotional work Suggested revision: emotional development Why it matters: The original phrase is vague, while ‘emotional development’ names the intended concept directly.
- 10. Match the positive meaning Original: ramifications Suggested revision: benefits Why it matters: ‘Ramifications’ often suggests adverse consequences and conflicts with the positive comparison.
- 11. Sentence rewrite Original: As they progress through normal childhood developmental stages and become less egocentric, the presence of other children, and teachers to some extent, has enormous benefits. Suggested revision: As children progress through normal developmental stages and become less egocentric, regular contact with other children and, to some extent, teachers can be highly beneficial. Why it matters: The rewrite gives the opening pronoun a clear referent and integrates the parenthetical phrase smoothly.
- 12. Strengthen paragraph progression Suggested revision: Make the progression from early school stress to later relationship benefits more explicit before comparing emotional development with academic skills. Why it matters: The paragraph moves through several linked claims quickly, so a clearer sequence would make the reasoning easier to follow.
Suggested Rewrites
- young age while young age, while
- related to socializing because of the socialization it offers
- can be best illustrated is best illustrated
- not only from competition with other children but also due to not only because of competition with other children but also because of
- remain home longer remain at home longer
- essential in dictating important in shaping
Why this response received Band 8.0
The essay presents a clear preference for later schooling while giving both perspectives substantial and relevant consideration, and its ideas develop in a persuasive logical sequence. The main limitation is that a few claims about home schooling and emotional development are broad or asserted as research without concrete support. Stronger qualification and a specific, credible example would make the reasoning more rigorous.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views are fully discussed, the writer's position is clear throughout, and the main ideas are extended with relevant explanation.
Qualify broad causal claims and support the emotional-development argument with a more specific example or explanation.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response is coherently organised, with focused paragraphs and clear progression from the competing view to the preferred position.
Make the transition between the social benefit and its parental alternative slightly more explicit to sharpen the internal logic.
Lexical Resource
A wide and generally precise vocabulary conveys nuanced ideas effectively, with only occasional awkwardness such as unseen emotional work.
Replace the few abstract or overstated expressions with more exact academic phrasing.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is handled accurately and flexibly, with only isolated lapses such as the tense in who received adequate love.
Proofread for consistent tense when making general statements so that isolated slips do not interrupt otherwise strong control.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people think that children should begin their formal education at a very early age. Others think they should begin after 7 years of age. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.