Fossil fuels (coal, oil, and natural gas) are the main sources in many countries. However, in some countries, the use of alternative sources of energy (wind and solar energy) is encouraged. Do you think it is a positive or negative development?
Sample Response
The debate around our primary sources of energy has been intensifying in recent decades, with some pushing for more sustainable energy while others arguing that fossil fuels should remain the main source of power globally. I personally think renewable energy production should be encouraged, since it’s important that nations should seek to reduce their own carbon emissions to divert the dangers of climate change as well as build a more sustainable economy.
Firstly, fossil fuel should be discouraged because it could bring about the existential threat of climate change. As a result of climate change, biodiversity is at an all time low as changing climates and rising oceans, slowly erodes the delicate tapestry of food webs across the globe. As scientists are convinced this is directly the cause of human activity, such as in agriculture and fossil fuel consumption, renewable energies would help slow this threat immediately and might be our only solution to salvaging the planet.
Secondly, one could argue that renewable energies are more sustainable and would therefore be better for the economy in the long run. While oils and coal are a finite resource and take millions of years to replenish, energy from wind and solar can in theory never run out. Therefore, making a switch from fossil fuels to renewable energy can be a solution that thinks of the longer term, since it could avert an economic crash when oil fully depletes. Many analysts have warned that with the current trajectory, oil could run out by 2050; when this happens, it could sharply affect the biggest economies in the world that are still heavily dependent on oil.
Overall, I argue that the climate effects as a result of fossil fuels consumption combined with the economic benefits of renewable energies mean that we should encourage the development of these forms of energy.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Restore parallel structure Original: arguing Suggested revision: argue Why it matters: The second clause needs a finite verb parallel to “some pushing.”
- 2. Remove redundant construction Original: since it’s important that nations should seek Suggested revision: since nations should seek Why it matters: The combination of “it is important that” and “should” is unnecessarily repetitive here.
- 3. Correct verb choice Original: divert Suggested revision: avert Why it matters: “Avert” means prevent a danger, whereas “divert” means redirect it.
- 4. Match plural nations Original: build a more sustainable economy Suggested revision: build more sustainable economies Why it matters: The plural subject “nations” logically refers to multiple national economies.
- 5. Name the activity Original: fossil fuel should be discouraged Suggested revision: fossil fuel use should be discouraged Why it matters: The policy can discourage the use of fossil fuels rather than the fuel itself.
- 6. Use natural collocation Original: bring about the existential threat Suggested revision: pose an existential threat Why it matters: A danger conventionally “poses a threat” in formal English.
- 7. Correct causal structure Original: directly the cause of human activity Suggested revision: directly caused by human activity Why it matters: The passive construction correctly shows that human activity causes climate change.
- 8. Clarify examples Original: such as in agriculture and fossil fuel consumption Suggested revision: including agriculture and fossil fuel consumption Why it matters: “Including” introduces these examples of human activity more directly.
- 9. Use uncountable noun Original: energies Suggested revision: energy Why it matters: “Renewable energy” is normally uncountable when referring to the category generally.
- 10. Correct meaning Original: threat Suggested revision: process Why it matters: A process can be slowed, whereas a threat is reduced or mitigated.
- 11. Improve collocation Original: solution to salvaging the planet Suggested revision: means of saving the planet Why it matters: “Means of saving” is the natural construction for describing a method.
- 12. Make wording concise Original: making a switch from Suggested revision: switching from Why it matters: The gerund expresses the same action more directly.
Suggested Rewrites
- arguing argue
- since it’s important that nations should seek since nations should seek
- divert avert
- build a more sustainable economy build more sustainable economies
- fossil fuel should be discouraged fossil fuel use should be discouraged
- bring about the existential threat pose an existential threat
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response’s strongest feature is its clear position, developed through distinct environmental and economic arguments with relevant support. Its main limitation is recurring inaccuracy in grammar and collocation, which makes several otherwise strong claims sound awkward or overstated. The highest-priority improvement is to proofread sentence structures for agreement and completeness while choosing more precise verbs and noun forms for energy and climate concepts.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The essay answers the question directly and develops two relevant reasons for viewing alternative energy as a positive development.
Qualify broad factual claims and explain more precisely how each cited consequence supports the positive-development judgement.
Coherence and Cohesion
The four-paragraph structure and clear topic progression make the argument easy to follow, though linking is sometimes mechanical.
Use more varied internal transitions and make causal connections between evidence and conclusions explicit rather than relying mainly on signposting.
Lexical Resource
The response demonstrates a good range of energy and environmental vocabulary, but recurring collocational inaccuracies reduce precision.
Use natural combinations such as ‘avert the dangers,’ ‘renewable energy,’ and ‘oil reserves are depleted’ consistently.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A range of complex sentence forms is attempted successfully, but agreement and clause-formation errors recur across the response.
Check parallel verb structures and subject-verb agreement, especially after ‘while’ clauses and sentences with compound subjects.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Fossil fuels (coal, oil, and natural gas) are the main sources in many countries. However, in some countries, the use of alternative sources of energy (wind and solar energy) is encouraged. Do you think it is a positive or negative development?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.