Every country should have a free health service; even if that means that the latest medical treatments may not be available through this service because they are too expensive. To what extent do you agree with this statement?
Sample Response
Access to reliable and state of the art medical facilities is important for the people of any country. Advancement in medical treatment and medical technology has dramatically increased its cost over the last few years and has made it unaffordable for many people in the society. However, it is a primary duty of the state to take care of their people and provide them free health services.
Firstly, it would be extremely difficult for unemployed and aged people to afford medical treatments in absence of free health services. As they do not have any source of income, thus it makes them more susceptible to death in the case of illness. In addition to this, the government is responsible for the wellness of its citizens and therefore should take necessary actions to improve people health by providing them lofty treatment without charging any single penny. Secondly, the health care services should be prioritising. People may have access to consultation and other general services without any restrictions. It is their legitimate right given by the government, to avail quality medical treatment free of cost. However, some disease such as cancer and heart attack are more vulnerable and demand more attention and care, thus making its treatment more expensive. Hence, free access to more specialises and expensive treatment may need some restrictions and should need some legislation to select limited patients because of excessive cost involved. To sum up, I would like to say that health is primary constituent of people lives. Therefore it should be funded and supported by government to provide good health services to their citizen without charging them.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Fix pronoun agreement Original: their Suggested revision: its Why it matters: The singular antecedent “the state” requires the singular possessive “its”.
- 2. Add the required preposition Original: provide them free health services Suggested revision: provide them with free health services Why it matters: The verb pattern is “provide someone with something”.
- 3. Use natural wording Original: aged Suggested revision: older Why it matters: “Older people” is the more natural and neutral term in this context.
- 4. Add the article Original: in absence of Suggested revision: in the absence of Why it matters: The fixed phrase requires the definite article “the”.
- 5. Use the precise noun Original: wellness Suggested revision: well-being Why it matters: “Well-being” is the more appropriate formal term for citizens’ general health.
- 6. Use the possessive form Original: people Suggested revision: people’s Why it matters: The possessive form is required to show whose health should be improved.
- 7. Correct the collocation Original: lofty treatment Suggested revision: high-quality treatment Why it matters: “Lofty” does not collocate with medical treatment in the intended sense.
- 8. Use the passive participle Original: prioritising Suggested revision: prioritised Why it matters: The passive construction requires the past participle “prioritised”.
- 9. Correct the verb pattern Original: government, to avail Suggested revision: government to receive Why it matters: “Receive treatment” is grammatical here, and the comma should not separate the infinitive.
- 10. Correct adjective and number Original: more specialises and expensive treatment Suggested revision: more specialised and expensive treatments Why it matters: The phrase needs the adjective “specialised” and a plural noun for multiple forms of treatment.
- 11. Remove faulty modal phrasing Original: may need some restrictions and should need some legislation Suggested revision: may require restrictions and legislation Why it matters: The revision removes the ungrammatical “should need” construction and needless repetition.
- 12. Add a quantity phrase Original: select limited patients Suggested revision: select a limited number of patients Why it matters: Countable “patients” needs an explicit quantity phrase in this construction.
Suggested Rewrites
- their its
- provide them free health services provide them with free health services
- aged older
- in absence of in the absence of
- wellness well-being
- people people’s
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response gives a clear supportive position and recognises the prompt’s important qualification that costly specialist treatments may require restrictions. Its main weakness is frequent grammatical and lexical inaccuracy, compounded by placing nearly all development and the conclusion in one long paragraph, which reduces clarity and control. Prioritise accurate sentence construction and divide the reasoning into distinct paragraphs for general care, expensive treatment, and the conclusion.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The main position is relevant and both free basic care and limits on costly treatment are addressed, though development is fairly general.
Explain more precisely how governments should decide which advanced treatments remain outside or within the free service.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument follows a recognisable sequence, but mechanical linking and one oversized body paragraph weaken organisation.
Separate the support for basic care, the qualification about specialist care, and the conclusion into focused paragraphs.
Lexical Resource
There is sufficient range to discuss healthcare policy, but inaccurate word choice and collocation recur throughout.
Replace expressions such as lofty treatment and more specialises treatment with precise, natural healthcare vocabulary.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex structures is attempted, but frequent agreement, article, plural, and clause errors reduce accuracy.
Edit each sentence for subject-verb agreement, noun forms, and complete clause structure before adding further complexity.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Every country should have a free health service; even if that means that the latest medical treatments may not be available through this service because they are too expensive. To what extent do you agree with this statement?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.