Some People Believe That Jobs Provide Both Income and for a Social Life, While Others Think That Friends Should Be Made Outside of Work. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Sample Response
Job gives identity, a convenient lifestyle, and respect to the individuals from society. Most people considered that the employment gives name and fame and offers better wages and status symbol. However, others contradict them by saying that friends can only make out of the workplace. Both aspects of this issue will be discussed in the following paragraphs.
First, the people who assert that jobs offer handsome money and comfortable life for individuals. They support their view by saying that dwellers want to spend their whole life in luxurious ways in this era—this need to make overburden on the pocket of a layman. Due to fulfilling their desires, they become money-minded, and they want to have better job opportunities in multinational companies, which provided them better income and status. This increase the reputation and respect in society. The higher companies offer them a bonus and family packages, which leads to spending quality time with near and dear ones. Apart from it, employees get higher promotions and experience in companies. Moreover, the job provides them numerous facilities like health-related treatments and some household materials at affordable prices.
However, the people who claim those age mates are only made out of the workplace. They say that by giving exemplifying that when employees become familiar with others, the environment is too friendly, which could reduce the productivity rate. As a result, workers may fail in completing any tasks which are related to their business. For instance, if two individuals have better friendship bonds at the workplace, it can damage anyone’s personal life, such as leakage of getting promotions and bonuses from the company. In addition to it, there has been a chance of exchanging pleasantries instead of focus on workload, which may further decrease the organization’s reputation.
In conclusion, according to my perspective, every coin has two sides “pros and cons” are related to every aspect. All that is required is a logical, rational, and balanced approach towards it.
So this is the Answer of the Writing Task 2 ( Some People Believe That Jobs Provide Both Income and for a Social Life )
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Add articles and object Original: Job gives identity Suggested revision: A job gives individuals an identity Why it matters: The countable nouns need articles, and the verb needs a clear recipient.
- 2. Fix the collocation Original: respect to the individuals from society Suggested revision: respect in society Why it matters: “Respect in society” expresses the intended idea naturally and concisely.
- 3. Use present tense Original: considered Suggested revision: consider Why it matters: The present tense is needed for a current general belief.
- 4. Remove unnecessary article Original: the employment Suggested revision: employment Why it matters: “Employment” is used as an uncountable general concept here.
- 5. Use intended expression Original: status symbol Suggested revision: social status Why it matters: “Social status” matches the intended meaning of prestige in society.
- 6. Complete the sentence Original: the people who assert that Suggested revision: people assert that Why it matters: Removing the article and relative clause gives the sentence a finite main verb.
- 7. Use natural collocation Original: handsome money Suggested revision: high salaries Why it matters: “High salaries” is the standard expression for generous pay.
- 8. Add an article Original: comfortable life Suggested revision: a comfortable life Why it matters: The singular countable noun “life” requires an article.
- 9. Choose accurate noun Original: dwellers Suggested revision: people Why it matters: “Dwellers” refers to residents of a place and does not fit this general reference.
- 10. Use plural noun Original: life Suggested revision: lives Why it matters: The noun should be plural because the possessive refers to multiple people.
- 11. Repair clause structure Original: this need to make overburden on the pocket of a layman Suggested revision: this desire places a heavy financial burden on ordinary people Why it matters: The replacement supplies a grammatical clause and a natural expression for financial pressure.
- 12. Use purpose structure Original: Due to fulfilling their desires Suggested revision: To fulfil their desires Why it matters: An infinitive phrase expresses the intended purpose more clearly than “due to” plus a gerund.
Suggested Rewrites
- Job gives identity A job gives individuals an identity
- respect to the individuals from society respect in society
- considered consider
- the employment employment
- status symbol social status
- the people who assert that people assert that
Why this response received Band 5.0
The response has a recognizable four-paragraph structure and offers some relevant discussion of income and the drawbacks of workplace friendships. However, it largely omits the social-life benefit of jobs and ends without a clear personal opinion, while frequent awkward wording and grammatical errors obscure several points. The highest-priority improvement is to answer each part of the prompt explicitly, then express those ideas in shorter, accurately controlled sentences.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response discusses income and problems with workplace friendships, but the first view is only partly addressed and the writer's opinion remains unclear.
State a definite opinion and directly explain how jobs can provide a social life as well as income.
Coherence and Cohesion
Paragraphing provides a recognizable progression, although faulty referencing and mechanical linking weaken connections within ideas.
Build each body paragraph around one explicit view and connect supporting sentences with clear logical relationships.
Lexical Resource
There is some vocabulary range, but frequent inaccurate word choices and collocations make several claims unnatural or unclear.
Prefer familiar, precise expressions and check collocations such as 'make friends,' 'large companies,' and 'focus on work.'
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex forms are attempted, but frequent errors in sentence structure, agreement, tense, and articles sometimes impede clarity.
Use shorter complete sentences first, checking that every clause has an accurate subject and finite verb.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some People Believe That Jobs Provide Both Income and for a Social Life, While Others Think That Friends Should Be Made Outside of Work. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.