Some people think that children under 18 years old should receive full-time education. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
Many feel that students should be required to attend full-time classes until the age of 18. In my opinion, when economically viable this mandate is advisable.
Those who oppose this policy argue it is impossible in more rural areas, particularly in developing nations. In such locations, children and teenagers often do not have convenient access to schools and assisting their parents with farm or other work is a greater priority. For example, in many rural villages in South Asia, even young children must lend a hand working to raise crops and livestock. The parents of these children can also make the legitimate argument that they are preserving a traditional and equally valuable way of life that does not involve modern schooling. However, these contexts are becoming rarer as individuals migrate to cities and the countryside receives improved infrastructure.
The main reason to support compulsory full-time education to the age of 18 is the opportunities it opens up in an evolving world. The lifestyle in rural areas that now seemingly justifies reduced schooling is disappearing due to more efficient farming equipment and the industrialization of production methods. Therefore, the most viable path for most individuals is to have an education through high school and ideally university that will endow them with employable skills. For instance, an individual who has learned a variety of subjects and graduated from formal schooling can then apply either for higher education or a job that requires a high school certificate. Both their worst and best case scenarios for the future improve considerably.
In conclusion, despite the valid reasons that exist in rural communities to de-emphasize education, it is worthwhile to enforce mandatory schooling for all minors. This is now more important than ever as job markets become more competitive.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove unnecessary comparison Original: more rural areas Suggested revision: rural areas Why it matters: More has no clear comparison here and weakens the description.
- 2. Use concise phrasing Original: lend a hand working Suggested revision: help Why it matters: Help fits directly before to raise and avoids the awkward combination lend a hand working.
- 3. Use direct phrasing Original: make the legitimate argument Suggested revision: legitimately argue Why it matters: The adverb and verb express the same meaning more directly.
- 4. Choose natural collocation Original: these contexts are becoming rarer Suggested revision: these circumstances are becoming less common Why it matters: Circumstances become less common is more idiomatic than contexts become rarer.
- 5. Improve collocation Original: the countryside receives improved infrastructure Suggested revision: infrastructure in the countryside improves Why it matters: Infrastructure improves is a more natural expression than the countryside receiving it.
- 6. Fix number agreement Original: is the opportunities it opens up Suggested revision: lies in the opportunities it creates Why it matters: The singular subject reason cannot take is followed by the plural complement opportunities in this structure.
- 7. Clarify cautious claim Original: now seemingly justifies Suggested revision: may currently justify Why it matters: The modal makes the qualified claim clearer and more natural.
- 8. Sentence rewrite Original: In my opinion, when economically viable this mandate is advisable. Suggested revision: In my opinion, this mandate is advisable when it is economically viable. Why it matters: The rewrite makes the condition attach clearly to the mandate rather than leaving a compressed modifier.
- 9. Sentence rewrite Original: In such locations, children and teenagers often do not have convenient access to schools and assisting their parents with farm or other work is a greater priority. Suggested revision: In such locations, children and teenagers often lack convenient access to schools, while assisting their parents with farm or other work is a greater priority. Why it matters: The rewrite separates two differently structured propositions that the original and links ambiguously.
- 10. Sentence rewrite Original: Therefore, the most viable path for most individuals is to have an education through high school and ideally university that will endow them with employable skills. Suggested revision: Therefore, the most viable path for most individuals is to complete high school and, ideally, university, thereby gaining employable skills. Why it matters: The rewrite removes the awkward have an education construction and clarifies the relationship between schooling and skills.
Suggested Rewrites
- more rural areas rural areas
- lend a hand working help
- make the legitimate argument legitimately argue
- these contexts are becoming rarer these circumstances are becoming less common
- the countryside receives improved infrastructure infrastructure in the countryside improves
- is the opportunities it opens up lies in the opportunities it creates
Why this response received Band 8.0
The essay presents a clear qualified position and develops it through a thoughtful counterargument followed by a persuasive case for compulsory education. The reasoning is coherent, specific, and expressed with strong linguistic control, although a few claims about changing rural life are somewhat broad. The main improvement would be to support those claims more precisely and connect them even more directly to full-time schooling until age 18.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response directly answers the question with a clear qualified view and develops both the exception and the main justification effectively.
Strengthen the argument by giving more precise support for the claim that rural economic conditions are rapidly disappearing.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument progresses smoothly from qualification to support and conclusion, with cohesive devices used naturally and unobtrusively.
Make the transition from the rural counterargument to the main case even sharper by explicitly contrasting their practical scope.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is flexible, precise, and well suited to the topic, with only occasional phrasing that could be more exact.
Replace broad expressions such as an evolving world with language that specifies the relevant labour-market or technological change.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex sentences are varied, fluent, and consistently accurate, with only very minor punctuation refinements available.
Add punctuation around embedded qualifiers where helpful to make already sophisticated sentence structures maximally clear.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people think that children under 18 years old should receive full-time education. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.