Government needs to spend money to encourage the development of sport and art for school students, rather than to support professional sports and art events. Do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
The professional sports and the cultural programs have been in existence for a long time and have played an important part in people’s life. Therefore, I disagree that government should direct the funds allocated to such events towards encouraging sports and arts among school students. A number of arguments support my opinion.
To begin with, the professional sports bring name and fame to a country. Countries, which spend a lot on such sports, are always leading in sports in the Olympic Games, the World Cup and other such international competitions. Professional sports also boost the economy as millions of spectators come to see and cheer for their favorite teams in the stadiums. There are also big benefits from advertisements on TV as millions of people sit in front of TV and watch sports shows.
Furthermore, the cultural programs are effective ways that help people relax and reduce stress after work. Every day, there are a variety of cultural performances happening all over the world. These fascinate thousands of young people as well as adults. These cultural programs not only enrich people’s mind, but also spread our rich culture globally.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove the article Original: The professional sports and Suggested revision: Professional sports and Why it matters: The general category 'professional sports' does not take the definite article here.
- 2. Use the plural noun Original: life Suggested revision: lives Why it matters: The plural possessive 'people's' requires 'lives' when referring to many individuals.
- 3. Add the article Original: disagree that government Suggested revision: disagree that the government Why it matters: 'Government' refers to the relevant governing authority and needs the definite article here.
- 4. Remove the article Original: the professional sports bring Suggested revision: professional sports bring Why it matters: The phrase refers to professional sports as a general category.
- 5. Use a restrictive clause Original: Countries, which spend Suggested revision: Countries that spend Why it matters: The clause identifies which countries are meant, so it should be restrictive and unpunctuated.
- 6. Avoid an absolute claim Original: are always leading in sports Suggested revision: often lead in sport Why it matters: 'Often' gives the same general relationship without the overly absolute 'always'.
- 7. Generalize without article Original: in the stadiums Suggested revision: in stadiums Why it matters: No definite article is needed when stadiums are mentioned generally.
- 8. Use formal vocabulary Original: big Suggested revision: significant Why it matters: 'Significant' is more precise and appropriate for an academic response.
- 9. Make the claim concise Original: the cultural programs are effective ways that help Suggested revision: cultural programs effectively help Why it matters: The revision removes unnecessary wording while preserving the stated benefit.
- 10. Match the head noun Original: are Suggested revision: is Why it matters: The verb agrees with the singular head noun 'variety'.
- 11. Use the plural noun Original: mind Suggested revision: minds Why it matters: The response refers to the minds of multiple people, so the plural is required.
- 12. Use concise formal wording Original: name and fame Suggested revision: international prestige Why it matters: 'International prestige' conveys the intended reputational benefit more precisely.
Suggested Rewrites
- The professional sports and Professional sports and
- life lives
- disagree that government disagree that the government
- the professional sports bring professional sports bring
- Countries, which spend Countries that spend
- are always leading in sports often lead in sport
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response states a clear position and presents coherent reasons why professional sport and cultural events can benefit a country and its people. However, at only 189 words it is substantially under length, lacks a conclusion, and barely examines the competing case for developing school students, leaving the central funding comparison insufficiently addressed. The priority is to add a developed paragraph that directly weighs student provision against professional events and then deliver a concise conclusion.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The position is clear and relevant benefits are explained, but the under-length response addresses only one side of the funding comparison and ends without a conclusion.
Directly explain why supporting professional events should take priority over school provision, add sufficient development, and finish with a conclusion.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress clearly through an introduction and two focused body paragraphs, but the response is incomplete and relies on some repetitive sequencing.
Complete the essay with a contrasting or evaluative paragraph and a conclusion that draws the argument together.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary is generally varied and appropriate for sport, culture, economics, and wellbeing, despite repetition and several awkward collocations.
Use more precise alternatives for repeated terms such as professional sports and cultural programs, while refining phrases such as people's minds.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A range of simple and complex structures is used with generally clear control, though article, agreement, punctuation, and singular-plural errors recur.
Proofread noun phrases and complex clauses, especially articles, subject-verb agreement, comma placement, and plural possessive forms.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Government needs to spend money to encourage the development of sport and art for school students, rather than to support professional sports and art events. Do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.