In the last 20 years, there have been significant developments in the field of information technology (IT), for example, the World Wide Web and communication by email. However, these developments in IT are likely to have more negative effects than positive in the future. To what extent do you agree with this view?
Sample Response
Nowadays, the advancement of Information Technology, specifically the internet has transformed the face of our civilization. Albeit, the internet has several drawbacks, I disagree that it outweighs the advantages. It is true that the internet can bring some negative influences toward human behaviour, such as consumerism and autistic manner, to name a few. Consumerism, for example, is caused by the rapid growth of e-commerce, online advertising, and internet accessibility. Because of these, people found it easy to do transactions. They prefer to buy things online other than making an effort to go to their nearest local retail shop. On the other hand, such conditions, especially internet accessibility, which compounded by widespread usage of mobile gadgets, had induced autistic manner among internet user. Autistic here, means, that people tend to be less active and isolated at the same time because they can easily do things with the internet by only having gadgets in their hand or sitting in front of the computer. However, information technology has also done justice to mankind. Firstly, it helped brings people together despite country boundary and remoteness. Secondly, due to the internet, people can bridge the gap of communication's distance easily and rapidly. Some examples for these are the usage of instant messenger, email, and online meeting application. Finally, since internet helped eliminate territorial's gap, any world citizen can now easily spread their movement to the global citizen. In conclusion, although Information Technology, particularly internet, has several negative impacts, in my opinion, it has more advantages to offer to our future generations.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural term Original: the advancement of Information Technology Suggested revision: the development of information technology Why it matters: “Development” is more natural here, and the general field name is lowercase.
- 2. Close inserted phrase Original: specifically the internet has Suggested revision: specifically the internet, has Why it matters: A comma is needed after the inserted specification before the main verb.
- 3. Correct collocation Original: negative influences toward human behaviour Suggested revision: negative effects on human behaviour Why it matters: The standard collocation is “effects on” behaviour.
- 4. Use accurate terminology Original: consumerism and autistic manner Suggested revision: consumerism and social isolation Why it matters: “Autistic manner” is inaccurate and does not clearly express the intended social isolation.
- 5. Clarify reference Original: Because of these Suggested revision: Because of these developments Why it matters: The noun makes the reference to e-commerce and internet access explicit.
- 6. Keep present tense Original: found Suggested revision: find Why it matters: The surrounding discussion describes current conditions, so present tense is required.
- 7. Correct collocation Original: do Suggested revision: make Why it matters: English uses “make” or “conduct” with “transactions.”
- 8. Correct comparison phrase Original: other than making an effort to go Suggested revision: rather than going Why it matters: “Rather than” correctly introduces the alternative action.
- 9. Remove redundancy Original: their nearest local retail shop Suggested revision: a local retail shop Why it matters: “Nearest” and “local” overlap, and a general example does not require “their.”
- 10. Add auxiliary verb Original: which compounded by Suggested revision: which is compounded by Why it matters: The passive relative clause requires the auxiliary verb “is.”
- 11. Use natural noun Original: usage Suggested revision: use Why it matters: “Use” is the more natural uncountable noun in this phrase.
- 12. Correct tense and number Original: had induced autistic manner among internet user Suggested revision: has led to social isolation among internet users Why it matters: The revision uses an appropriate present-perfect tense, plural noun, and accurate description.
Suggested Rewrites
- the advancement of Information Technology the development of information technology
- specifically the internet has specifically the internet, has
- negative influences toward human behaviour negative effects on human behaviour
- consumerism and autistic manner consumerism and social isolation
- Because of these Because of these developments
- found find
Why this response received Band 5.5
The essay directly rejects the prediction and attempts to weigh disadvantages such as consumerism and isolation against the communication benefits of the internet. Its main limitation is that several claims are expressed imprecisely or remain underdeveloped, and recurring grammatical errors sometimes obscure the intended reasoning. The highest-priority improvement is to replace inaccurate labels with precise descriptions and develop one concrete future benefit and drawback in well-controlled paragraphs.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear position is maintained and both negative and positive effects are considered, but several ideas are only partly explained and the future focus is limited.
Develop one likely future disadvantage and one future benefit with clear causal reasoning before comparing their significance.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument moves from disadvantages to advantages and a conclusion, but the single paragraph, abrupt transitions, and unclear referencing weaken progression.
Separate the two sides into body paragraphs and ensure each example explicitly supports the preceding claim.
Lexical Resource
The essay attempts topic-specific vocabulary, but frequent inaccurate combinations and the misuse of “autistic” for social isolation substantially reduce precision.
Use neutral, exact terms such as social isolation, online accessibility, cross-border communication, and global audiences.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A variety of structures is attempted, but agreement, tense, articles, clause formation, and possessives are frequently inaccurate while meaning is usually recoverable.
Proofread each complex sentence for a complete main clause and correct patterns such as “has helped bring,” “among internet users,” and “the internet.”
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IELTS Writing Task 2
In the last 20 years, there have been significant developments in the field of information technology (IT), for example, the World Wide Web and communication by email. However, these developments in IT are likely to have more negative effects than positive in the future. To what extent do you agree with this view?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.