We are becoming increasingly dependent on computers. they are used in business, hospitals, crime detection, and even to fly planes. what things will they be used for in the future? is this dependence on computers id good thing or should we be more suspicious of their benefits?
Sample Response
In this modern era, computers are a relatively new invention. the first computers were built fifty years ago and it is only in the last twenty or thirty years that their influence has affected our everyday life. personal computers were introduced as recently as the early eighties. in this short time, they have made a tremendous impact on our lives. we are now so dependent on computers that it is hard to imagine what things would be like today without them. you have only got to go into a bank when their main computer is broken to appreciate the chaos that would occur if computers were suddenly removed worldwide.
In the future, computers will be used to create bigger and even more sophisticated computers. the prospectus for this is quite alarming. they will be so complex that no individual could hope to understand how they work. they will bring a lot of benefits but they will also increase the potential for unimaginable chaos. they will, for example, be able to fly planes and they will be able to coordinate the movements of several planes in the vicinity of an airport. providing all the computers are working correctly nothing can go wrong.
There is a certain inevitability that technology will progress and become increasingly complex. we should, however, ensure that we are still in a position where we are able to control technology. it will be all too easy to suddenly discover that technology is controlling us. by then it might be too late. I believe that it is very important to be suspicious of the benefits that computers will bring and make sure that we never become totally dependent on a completely technological world.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural article Original: this Suggested revision: the Why it matters: 'The modern era' is the more natural fixed expression for the present period.
- 2. Capitalise sentence start Original: the Suggested revision: The Why it matters: A new sentence must begin with a capital letter.
- 3. Avoid redundant wording Original: influence Suggested revision: use Why it matters: 'Influence has affected' repeats the same idea, while 'use' states the cause directly.
- 4. Use plural noun Original: life Suggested revision: lives Why it matters: The plural possessive 'our' refers to the individual lives of multiple people here.
- 5. Capitalise sentence start Original: personal Suggested revision: Personal Why it matters: A new sentence must begin with a capital letter.
- 6. Capitalise sentence start Original: in Suggested revision: In Why it matters: A new sentence must begin with a capital letter.
- 7. Capitalise sentence start Original: we Suggested revision: We Why it matters: A new sentence must begin with a capital letter.
- 8. Use precise reference Original: things Suggested revision: life Why it matters: 'Life' clearly identifies the situation being imagined.
- 9. Use formal phrasing Original: you have only got to go Suggested revision: You only have to go Why it matters: This revision capitalises the sentence opening and removes the conversational construction 'have got to'.
- 10. Fix reference and verb Original: when their main computer is broken Suggested revision: when its main computer breaks down Why it matters: The singular noun 'a bank' requires 'its', and equipment naturally 'breaks down'.
- 11. Use precise size term Original: bigger Suggested revision: larger Why it matters: 'Larger' is a more precise formal adjective for physical or computational scale.
- 12. Correct word choice Original: the prospectus for this Suggested revision: The prospect of this Why it matters: 'Prospect' means a future possibility, while 'prospectus' is an informational document; the sentence opening also needs a capital.
Suggested Rewrites
- this the
- the The
- influence use
- life lives
- personal Personal
- in In
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response communicates a consistent caution about computer dependence and develops a coherent progression from present reliance to future risks. However, its treatment of future uses is narrow and partly repeats the prompt's example of flying planes, so one required part is only adequately covered. Add two distinct, specific future applications and explain their benefits and risks before weighing them against the stated position.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both questions are addressed and the position is clear, but future applications are limited and insufficiently developed.
Develop several genuinely new future uses rather than relying mainly on the prompt's example of computers flying planes.
Coherence and Cohesion
The three-paragraph progression is clear and cohesive, although repeated pronoun-led sentences make parts of the argument feel mechanical.
Use more varied referencing and clearer topic sentences to distinguish future applications, risks, and the final judgement.
Lexical Resource
There is sufficient range for abstract discussion, including terms such as inevitability and sophisticated, but repetition and occasional misuse reduce precision.
Replace the incorrect prospectus with prospect and vary repeated references to computers and technology.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses a mix of simple and complex sentences with generally clear meaning, but sentence-initial capitalisation errors occur throughout.
Capitalise every new sentence and proofread subordinate clauses for complete punctuation and grammatical control.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
We are becoming increasingly dependent on computers. they are used in business, hospitals, crime detection, and even to fly planes. what things will they be used for in the future? is this dependence on computers id good thing or should we be more suspicious of their benefits?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.