Computers are being used in almost all sectors and we are becoming more dependent on this machine. What are the possible future usages of computers and what are the benefits and drawbacks of the extensive usages of computers in our life? Write no less than 250 words.
Sample Response
Computers are being used in almost all sectors and we are becoming more dependent on this machine. What are the possible future usages of computers and what are the benefits and drawbacks of the extensive usages of computers in our life? In these decades the human civilisation is approaching this sophisticated stage due to the remarkable development of technology especially the computer. Every day new application of computers are invented, which are widely used on the everywhere of human life. While computers can bring immense advantages to the human life, it can be argued that this policy has a number of detrimental effects. No doubt, computers successfully open the new doors in the world and these computers largely employed in the various sectors such as medical, commercial, secure, and so on. Furthermore, there are different areas where computers may be used in the near future. Firstly, perhaps, computers can use to read the human mind in order to determine the real information. Secondly, computers may control not only the transportation system but also the whole airport system. The Google Car, as an example, is introducing the new avenue on the earth, which is totally run by the computer. As can clearly be seen from this the example that computer may significantly change the human lifestyle. However, there are some disadvantages to depend on the computer although it has a vast amount of boons. One drawback is if the server is damaged by any reasons, the disaster will occur on the whole system. Another harmful effect is when human being totally depends on the computer, they will not take any decision without computers; therefore, this could result in a tremendous catastrophic effect on the human intelligence. It is clear that human being should work properly besides the computer. In conclusion, currently, lifestyles of people are becoming easier due to the enormous development of computer; in addition, in the near future, this technology will improve dramatically. In spite of computer having a colossal number of amenities, its torment effect should not be overlooked.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural time phrase Original: these Suggested revision: recent Why it matters: “In recent decades” is the conventional expression for a period extending to the present.
- 2. Remove unnecessary article Original: the human civilisation Suggested revision: human civilisation Why it matters: The abstract general noun does not need “the” in this context.
- 3. Improve stage collocation Original: approaching this sophisticated stage Suggested revision: reaching this advanced stage Why it matters: A civilisation “reaches” an advanced stage rather than approaches a sophisticated one.
- 4. Remove incorrect article Original: the human life Suggested revision: human life Why it matters: “Human life” is used generally here and does not take “the”.
- 5. Clarify the reference Original: this policy Suggested revision: this reliance on computers Why it matters: No policy has been introduced, so the reference should name dependence on computers directly.
- 6. Correct idiom Original: open the new doors Suggested revision: open new doors Why it matters: The idiom is “open new doors” without the definite article.
- 7. Add passive auxiliary Original: these computers largely employed Suggested revision: computers are widely employed Why it matters: The passive construction requires “are,” and “widely” expresses broad use more naturally.
- 8. Remove unnecessary article Original: in the various sectors Suggested revision: in various sectors Why it matters: The sectors are introduced generally, so “the” is not required.
- 9. Use parallel nouns Original: medical, commercial, secure Suggested revision: medicine, commerce, security Why it matters: The list should contain parallel nouns naming sectors rather than mixed adjective forms.
- 10. Simplify the transition Original: Firstly, perhaps, Suggested revision: First, Why it matters: The two discourse markers together make the transition unnecessarily hesitant.
- 11. Use passive form Original: computers can use Suggested revision: computers could be used Why it matters: Computers receive the action, so a passive verb form is required.
- 12. Use precise noun phrase Original: the real information Suggested revision: accurate information Why it matters: “Accurate information” expresses truthful or reliable information more naturally.
Suggested Rewrites
- these recent
- the human civilisation human civilisation
- approaching this sophisticated stage reaching this advanced stage
- the human life human life
- this policy this reliance on computers
- open the new doors open new doors
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response identifies several plausible future applications and drawbacks, and its attempt to cover every part of the task is the clearest strength. However, benefits are treated only broadly, development is limited, and frequent grammatical and collocational errors make many sentences awkward; the copied task wording also adds no achievement. The priority is to structure separate paragraphs for future uses, benefits, and drawbacks, then explain each point in clear, controlled language.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
All task components are mentioned, but the benefits remain vague and several future-use and drawback claims receive limited or unclear support.
Give each required component a distinct developed point with a concrete explanation of its practical consequence.
Coherence and Cohesion
A broad progression from applications to disadvantages is discernible, but the single paragraph, copied opening, and mechanical linking weaken organization.
Use an introduction and separate body paragraphs for future uses, benefits, and drawbacks, each with a clear controlling idea.
Lexical Resource
The response attempts a reasonably broad technological vocabulary, but frequent inaccurate collocations and word choices often reduce precision.
Prefer natural combinations such as "used throughout daily life," "security sector," and "harmful effects" over forced or exaggerated wording.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Some complex structures are attempted, but frequent errors in agreement, articles, passive forms, and clause construction repeatedly disrupt fluency.
Build accurate simple and compound sentences first, checking subject-verb agreement and verb forms before adding subordinate clauses.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Writing Task 2
Computers are being used in almost all sectors and we are becoming more dependent on this machine. What are the possible future usages of computers and what are the benefits and drawbacks of the extensive usages of computers in our life? Write no less than 250 words.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.