We are becoming increasingly dependent on computers. They are used in businesses, hospitals, crime detection and even to fly planes. What things will they be used for in the future? Is this dependence on computers a good thing or should we he more auspicious of their benefits?
Sample Response
Computers are a relatively new invention. The first computers were built fifty years ago and it is only in the last thirty or so years that their influence has affected our everyday life. Personal computers were introduced as recently as the early eighties. In this short time they have made a tremendous impact on our lives. We are now so dependent on computers that it is hard to imagine what things would be like today without them. You have only got to go into a bank when their main computer is broken to appreciate the chaos that would occur if computers were suddenly removed world-wide.
In the future computers will be used to create bigger and even more sophisticated computers. The prospects for this are quite alarming. They will be so complex that no individual could hope to understand how they work. They will bring a lot of benefits but they will also increase the potential for unimaginable chaos. They will, for example, be able to fly planes and they will be able to co ordinate the movements of several planes in the vicinity of an airport. Providing all the computers are working correctly nothing can go wrong. If one small program fails disaster.
There is a certain inevitability that technology will progress and become increasingly complex. We should, however, ensure that we are still in a position where we are able to control technology. It will be all too easy to suddenly discover that technology is controlling us. By then it might be too late I believe that it is very important to be suspicious of the benefits that computers will bring and to make sure that we never become totally dependent on a completely technological world.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use formal phrasing Original: You have only got to Suggested revision: One need only Why it matters: This revision gives the claim a more appropriately formal academic tone.
- 2. Use standard spelling Original: removed world-wide Suggested revision: removed worldwide Why it matters: Worldwide is normally written as one word in this context.
- 3. Choose precise wording Original: bigger and even more sophisticated computers Suggested revision: more powerful and sophisticated computers Why it matters: Powerful describes technological capability more precisely than bigger.
- 4. Clarify the reference Original: The prospects for this Suggested revision: The prospect of such complexity Why it matters: This revision makes the source of the writer's concern explicit.
- 5. Improve collocation Original: increase the potential for unimaginable chaos Suggested revision: increase the risk of unimaginable chaos Why it matters: Risk of is the more natural collocation for a possible harmful outcome.
- 6. Fix the condition Original: Providing all the computers are working correctly Suggested revision: Provided that all the computers are working correctly Why it matters: Provided that correctly introduces the stated condition.
- 7. Separate the sentences Original: By then it might be too late I believe Suggested revision: By then it might be too late. I believe Why it matters: A full stop is needed between these two independent clauses.
- 8. Refine the meaning Original: be suspicious of the benefits Suggested revision: assess the benefits critically Why it matters: This phrasing expresses careful evaluation more precisely.
- 9. Use precise wording Original: a completely technological world Suggested revision: a fully technology-dependent world Why it matters: Technology-dependent conveys the intended concern more clearly.
- 10. Sentence rewrite Original: If one small program fails disaster. Suggested revision: If one small program fails, disaster may follow. Why it matters: The original conditional lacks a complete main clause.
Suggested Rewrites
- You have only got to One need only
- removed world-wide removed worldwide
- bigger and even more sophisticated computers more powerful and sophisticated computers
- The prospects for this The prospect of such complexity
- increase the potential for unimaginable chaos increase the risk of unimaginable chaos
- Providing all the computers are working correctly Provided that all the computers are working correctly
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response takes a clear, cautionary position and is organized around a logical progression from present dependence to future risks. Its main limitation is that the prediction of future computer uses is narrow and partly repeats the prompt, while several ideas end abruptly or remain underdeveloped. The highest priority is to add distinct, well-explained future applications and support each with a concrete consequence.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response answers both questions and maintains a clear position, but its treatment of future uses is narrow and unevenly developed.
Develop two or three distinct future applications with specific explanations of their benefits or risks.
Coherence and Cohesion
The overall paragraph sequence is logical, although abrupt statements and compressed links sometimes weaken the flow within ideas.
Build each point through complete cause-and-effect steps and use clearer links between supporting sentences.
Lexical Resource
A sufficiently wide vocabulary conveys nuanced concerns effectively, with only occasional awkward wording and spelling or formation lapses.
Refine collocations and word forms so sophisticated vocabulary remains consistently natural and precise.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A good range of complex structures is generally controlled, but sentence fragments and missing punctuation cause noticeable local disruption.
Proofread sentence boundaries carefully, especially conditional clauses and transitions between complete ideas.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
We are becoming increasingly dependent on computers. They are used in businesses, hospitals, crime detection and even to fly planes. What things will they be used for in the future? Is this dependence on computers a good thing or should we he more auspicious of their benefits?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.