We are becoming increasingly dependent on computers. They are used in business, hospitals, crime detection and even to fly planes. What things will they be used for in the future? Is this dependence on computers a good thing or should we be more suspicious of their benefits?
Sample Response
Most of the daily tasks an individual experiences are time and effort consuming. These two fundemental qualities could be tremendously saved by the use of computers. The average period required to prepare a decent meal for a middle-class family is around an hour to and hour and a half when using traditional methods. This time could be literally reduced to half if computerized decives are used instead. Moreover, a busy businessman is enabled to easily close a profitable deal with just a touch on this highly programmed laptop while enjoying his family vacation and not having to exert an extra effort of traveling long distances in order to sign a deal.
On the other hand, new generations are growing remarkably dependent on these modern utilities, which makes them handicapped when it comes to preparing a cup of tea. Inaddition, psychologists suggest that one of the main reasons for sucidal rate increase is the recent electric inventions. This is due to the fact that humans by nature stay emotionally healthy through socializing, but due to the importance of modern technology to maintain a financially satisfying standard of life they gradually isulate themselves. As time passes by each of these individuals gets stuck in a vicious circle of loneliness that eventually leads to suicidal attempts especially among youngsters.
In conclusion, similarly to every other invention computers have their benefits and drawbacks, I personally think it all depends upon how we use the given tools. Moderation is the key here to keep the balance and allow us to live in harmony.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural collocation Original: experiences Suggested revision: performs Why it matters: People perform tasks rather than experience them in this context.
- 2. Use natural phrasing Original: time and effort consuming Suggested revision: time-consuming and laborious Why it matters: The revision expresses both demands with standard adjective forms.
- 3. Correct spelling Original: fundemental Suggested revision: fundamental Why it matters: The adjective is misspelled.
- 4. Choose correct noun Original: qualities Suggested revision: resources Why it matters: Time and effort are resources rather than qualities.
- 5. Improve collocation Original: tremendously saved Suggested revision: substantially conserved Why it matters: This collocation describes preserving time and effort more naturally.
- 6. Correct article error Original: and Suggested revision: an Why it matters: The second duration requires the article an rather than the conjunction and.
- 7. Use correct proportion Original: literally reduced to half Suggested revision: reduced by half Why it matters: Reduced by half is the standard expression for a fifty-percent decrease.
- 8. Correct spelling Original: decives Suggested revision: devices Why it matters: The noun is misspelled.
- 9. Avoid awkward passive Original: is enabled to easily close Suggested revision: can easily close Why it matters: The active modal construction is grammatical and direct.
- 10. Use natural phrasing Original: with just a touch on this highly programmed laptop Suggested revision: with a few clicks on his laptop Why it matters: The revision describes the computer action in a clear, idiomatic way.
- 11. Correct verb pattern Original: exert an extra effort of traveling long distances Suggested revision: make the extra effort to travel long distances Why it matters: Make an effort to do something is the standard verb pattern.
- 12. Choose precise term Original: new Suggested revision: younger Why it matters: Younger generations clearly identifies the age group being discussed.
Suggested Rewrites
- experiences performs
- time and effort consuming time-consuming and laborious
- fundemental fundamental
- qualities resources
- tremendously saved substantially conserved
- and an
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response presents a clear, balanced view of computer dependence and develops its benefits and social risks through extended examples. However, it largely overlooks the explicit question about future uses, so the task is only partially fulfilled, while recurring spelling and collocation errors reduce precision. The highest-priority improvement is to devote a developed paragraph to plausible future applications and connect them directly to the stated position.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The discussion of benefits and risks is developed, but the required question about future computer uses is not directly answered.
Add specific future applications and explain how they support or challenge the view that dependence is beneficial.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas are organised into a clear progression from benefits to drawbacks and a concluding position.
Use a dedicated paragraph for future uses so the structure visibly covers every part of the task.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary conveys some complex ideas, but frequent spelling errors and awkward collocations reduce accuracy and naturalness.
Prioritise accurate word forms and natural combinations, especially for technology, efficiency, isolation, and suicide rates.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mixture of simple and complex sentences communicates meaning clearly despite several agreement, punctuation, and phrasing errors.
Proofread complex sentences for subject-verb agreement, article use, and comma boundaries before finalising the response.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
We are becoming increasingly dependent on computers. They are used in business, hospitals, crime detection and even to fly planes. What things will they be used for in the future? Is this dependence on computers a good thing or should we be more suspicious of their benefits?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.