Games are as important for adults as they are for children. Do you agree or disagree with the above statement?
Sample Response
It is unanimously agreed that games are deemed to be the first entertainer for humans all over the world. Some people assume that such games are essential for both adults and children. However, other people believe that games are only meant to be for children. For many reasons, which will be mentioned below, I strongly reckon that games are supposed to be only for children.
Firstly, we all know that games waste the time and divert the person from his aims in life. Therefore, when adults use these games, their times will be spent aimlessly. Moreover, they will not achieve their goals in life due to those silly games. For example, my brother, who is a university student, is immensely engrossed in those games and he spares no time for his study. As a result, his marks are always low and he cannot do anything about that.
Secondly, it is generally admitted that all kinds of games are designed only for entertainment. Accordingly, such adults who play these games will focus only on joyfulness and trivial things. Additionally, they will pay no attention nor take care of what is important or useful for them. Hence, those adults, in future, will be without aims or goals to achieve and their interests will be lightened only on these trivial things.
On the other hand, children are allowed to play these games because they have no responsibility to overtake or ambition to reach. Additionally, children are not blamed when they play games since these games are the only thing children can do. Also, instead of wasting their times with bad friends, children had better enjoy and spend their times on games.
To sum up, games should only be attributed to children. Unlike children, adults have responsibilities to take many responsibilities and set goals to go ahead. No matter how difficult this opinion would be for the adults, yet they will know and realise this notion in their future. Applying the above, adults will be with a good mentality and will positively contribute to the growth of their communities.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural noun phrase Original: first entertainer Suggested revision: primary form of entertainment Why it matters: The original collocation does not naturally describe games as an activity.
- 2. Remove redundant wording Original: only meant to be for children Suggested revision: intended only for children Why it matters: The infinitive phrase contains an unnecessary second use of be.
- 3. Use formal stance verb Original: reckon Suggested revision: believe Why it matters: Believe is more natural than reckon in formal academic writing.
- 4. State suitability precisely Original: supposed to be only for children Suggested revision: suitable only for children Why it matters: Suitable expresses the intended judgement more directly and precisely.
- 5. Remove incorrect article Original: waste the time Suggested revision: waste time Why it matters: Time is used without the definite article in this general expression.
- 6. Use natural collocation Original: divert the person Suggested revision: distract people Why it matters: Distract people is the natural expression for drawing attention away from goals.
- 7. Match plural reference Original: from his aims in life Suggested revision: from their goals in life Why it matters: The pronoun should agree with the plural reference to people.
- 8. Use uncountable time Original: times Suggested revision: time Why it matters: Time is uncountable when referring generally to a person's available time.
- 9. Correct study collocation Original: spares no time for his study Suggested revision: devotes no time to his studies Why it matters: Devote time to one's studies is the natural collocation here.
- 10. Use appropriate noun Original: joyfulness Suggested revision: enjoyment Why it matters: Enjoyment is the natural noun for the pleasure gained from games.
- 11. Fix correlative structure Original: pay no attention nor take care of Suggested revision: neither pay attention to nor take care of Why it matters: Neither...nor correctly coordinates the two negative verb phrases.
- 12. Use concise expression Original: will be without aims or goals to achieve Suggested revision: will have no aims or goals to pursue Why it matters: The revision states the idea more naturally and avoids an awkward complement.
Suggested Rewrites
- first entertainer primary form of entertainment
- only meant to be for children intended only for children
- reckon believe
- supposed to be only for children suitable only for children
- waste the time waste time
- divert the person distract people
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response maintains a clear position and follows an easy-to-track paragraph structure, with a relevant personal example supporting one main argument. Its reasoning is repeatedly asserted in sweeping terms and relies on inaccurate claims about both adults and children, while frequent awkward collocations reduce precision; prioritise developing balanced, credible explanations with specific evidence and more natural word combinations.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear position is maintained and relevant reasons are presented, but the ideas rely on sweeping assumptions and receive limited credible development.
Develop each reason through a realistic causal explanation and specific supporting evidence instead of treating broad claims as self-evident.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response is logically paragraphled and easy to follow, although transitions are repetitive and progression within ideas is sometimes mechanical.
Use fewer formulaic linking words and make each sentence extend the preceding point through explanation, evidence, or consequence.
Lexical Resource
There is an adequate range of vocabulary and some less common wording, but frequent collocational errors make expression unnatural and occasionally imprecise.
Prioritise accurate common combinations such as spend time, pursue ambitions, and take responsibility before attempting more elaborate vocabulary.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex structures communicates the argument clearly, despite recurring errors with articles, plurals, pronouns, and clause construction.
Edit systematically for countability and agreement, especially forms such as time rather than times and responsibilities rather than repeated or mismatched constructions.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Games are as important for adults as they are for children. Do you agree or disagree with the above statement?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.