Some people think that men and women should have an equal position in the army while others oppose this by stating that women are not as competent as men in the army. Which point of view do you agree with? Why?
Sample Response
In the modern world, when women rub shoulders with men in every field, it is a moot issue that women should take equal responsibilities in the army. This essay would discuss that men are more suitable in the army and my viewpoint accord with that. Males have more physical strength and emotional maturity, which is necessary for a non-civilian. Firstly, jobs in warfare and armed forces require physical fitness. Handling sophisticated machines and weapons need body strength. Men are more powerful than women; it facilitates men for to do jobs easily and quickly. Furthermore, different geographical condition and climatic conditions need to be faced and the weak body cannot tolerate this. In addition, sometimes warfare soldiers cannot get enough foods; it forced them to continue their job with starving body, which makes difficult for women to work. Secondly, the fair sex is emotionally weak. Men are aggressive and fearless which require for a soldier to take decisions and fight. Moreover, women are submissive and tender-hearted, which are leads to run away from the battlefield rather than fighting. Women will try to safeguard their position, whereas, men are selfless and very dominating. This emotional immaturity makes women as a bad warrior. Ironically, there are some fields women can excel, like health care and other clerical works. To handle women culprits and checking women are needed in the military. To recapitulate, women are playing an important role in many sectors. However, working in military need more abilities, males are ideal for war field, women excel by assisting the job.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use a whether clause Original: it is a moot issue that Suggested revision: it is debatable whether Why it matters: A debated proposition is introduced naturally with 'whether', not a 'that' clause.
- 2. Use the correct collocation Original: take Suggested revision: assume Why it matters: People assume or share responsibilities rather than take equal responsibilities.
- 3. Use the essay's present purpose Original: This essay would discuss Suggested revision: This essay will argue Why it matters: 'Will argue' states the essay's purpose directly and suits the claim that follows.
- 4. Use natural military wording Original: more suitable in the army Suggested revision: better suited to military service Why it matters: The comparative phrase takes 'suited to', and 'military service' is more precise.
- 5. Match the singular subject Original: accord Suggested revision: accords Why it matters: The singular subject 'viewpoint' requires 'accords'.
- 6. Match plural qualities Original: which is necessary for a non-civilian Suggested revision: which are necessary for military personnel Why it matters: The relative clause refers to two qualities, and 'military personnel' is the accurate term.
- 7. Use a clear service phrase Original: jobs in warfare and armed forces Suggested revision: roles in the armed forces Why it matters: The replacement avoids treating warfare and the armed forces as parallel workplaces.
- 8. Match the gerund subject Original: need Suggested revision: needs Why it matters: The gerund phrase is singular and takes 'needs'.
- 9. Use the standard term Original: body Suggested revision: physical Why it matters: 'Physical strength' is the established collocation.
- 10. Use the enable pattern Original: it facilitates men for to do jobs Suggested revision: this enables men to perform tasks Why it matters: 'Enable someone to do something' is the correct grammatical pattern.
- 11. Use the plural noun Original: condition Suggested revision: conditions Why it matters: The adjective 'different' indicates multiple conditions.
- 12. Use an indefinite general noun Original: the Suggested revision: a Why it matters: The phrase refers to any physically weak person rather than a specific body.
Suggested Rewrites
- it is a moot issue that it is debatable whether
- take assume
- This essay would discuss This essay will argue
- more suitable in the army better suited to military service
- accord accords
- which is necessary for a non-civilian which are necessary for military personnel
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response states a clear preference for limiting women to supporting military roles and organises its reasons around physical and emotional demands. Its main limitation is that these claims rely on broad gender stereotypes rather than evidence or role-specific standards, while frequent language errors weaken clarity; the priority is to evaluate individual competence and distinct military duties with credible examples instead of treating all men and women as uniform groups.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear position and relevant physical and emotional arguments address the question, but development depends heavily on unsupported gender generalisations.
Compare candidates by role-specific fitness, training, and performance standards, using evidence rather than assumptions about all men or women.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response has a recognisable progression through two reasons and supporting roles, but the single paragraph and mechanical sequencing weaken organisation.
Use separate paragraphs for physical requirements, emotional competence, alternative roles, and the final judgement, with clear links between them.
Lexical Resource
Some military vocabulary is attempted, but frequent inaccurate collocations, repetition, and stereotyped labels reduce precision and appropriacy.
Use neutral, precise terms such as military personnel, physical endurance, operational demands, decision-making, combat roles, and support roles.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Frequent errors in agreement, articles, verb patterns, plurals, and sentence boundaries reduce control and sometimes strain meaning.
Build shorter complete clauses and check every subject-verb pair and infinitive pattern before joining ideas.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people think that men and women should have an equal position in the army while others oppose this by stating that women are not as competent as men in the army. Which point of view do you agree with? Why?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.