In most science courses at university, there are significantly more male students than female students. What is the reason for this? What could be done to balance out the numbers?
Sample Response
The majority of tertiary science courses demonstrate a notable gender disparity in enrollment, with a higher number of male students compared to their female counterparts. This essay will first discuss why gender stereotypes are the primary cause of this phenomenon and then outline how challenging these stereotypes can close this gender disparity.
Traditional gender stereotypes and social expectations about gender roles and abilities play a vital role in stimulating academic interests. In many societies, there is a deep-seated prejudice that science and technology are associated with men, while humanities or social sciences are particularly suitable for women. These social stereotypes exert a profound influence on female students when selecting their university courses, leading them to opt for courses that are conventionally considered more feminine. In mathematics, for example, there is an awkward gender gap, and social prejudices portray studying calculus as a masculine activity. This paradigm of thought dissuades female students from selecting mathematics, even if they have a keen interest in the subject.
To close this gender divide, educational institutions should challenge gender stereotypes that discourage girls from enrolling in science courses at universities. That is to say that schools can organize seminars that challenge these prejudices, promoting discussions on gender equality and the significance of diversity in STEM. For instance, schools can organize mentorship programmes where girls can connect with eminent women in scientific fields so that the mentors can share their experiences, give guidance and serve as role models, thereby encouraging female students to pursue science courses at universities.
To conclude, many female students do not enrol in science courses at the tertiary level due to gender biases. However, if schools provide female students with workshops or seminars that address and challenge gender stereotypes, this problem can be alleviated to a great extent.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Tighten the comparison Original: with a higher number of male students compared to their female counterparts Suggested revision: with more male students than female students Why it matters: The revision compares the two student groups directly and concisely.
- 2. Improve the collocation Original: close Suggested revision: reduce Why it matters: A disparity is normally reduced, while a gap can be closed.
- 3. Use precise verb Original: stimulating Suggested revision: shaping Why it matters: “Shaping” more precisely describes how stereotypes influence subject preferences.
- 4. Clarify attributed belief Original: particularly suitable for women Suggested revision: seen as more suitable for women Why it matters: The revision makes clear that suitability is a social perception rather than the writer’s own claim.
- 5. Use concise wording Original: when selecting their university courses Suggested revision: when choosing university courses Why it matters: The replacement expresses the same idea more directly.
- 6. Use natural expression Original: This paradigm of thought Suggested revision: This way of thinking Why it matters: “Way of thinking” is more natural and precise in this context.
- 7. Clarify course choice Original: selecting Suggested revision: studying Why it matters: Students study a subject rather than select the subject itself.
- 8. Sharpen the transition Original: That is to say that Suggested revision: More specifically, Why it matters: The replacement signals that the following sentence gives a concrete version of the proposed action.
- 9. Use precise relative form Original: schools can organize mentorship programmes where Suggested revision: schools can organize mentorship programmes through which Why it matters: “Through which” clearly expresses that the connections occur via the programmes.
- 10. Choose precise description Original: eminent women in scientific fields Suggested revision: accomplished women working in science Why it matters: “Accomplished” emphasizes relevant professional achievement rather than fame.
- 11. Sentence rewrite Original: In mathematics, for example, there is an awkward gender gap, and social prejudices portray studying calculus as a masculine activity. Suggested revision: In mathematics, for example, there is a pronounced gender gap, and social prejudices portray calculus as a masculine subject. Why it matters: The rewrite replaces two awkward collocations while preserving the example’s meaning.
Suggested Rewrites
- with a higher number of male students compared to their female counterparts with more male students than female students
- close reduce
- stimulating shaping
- particularly suitable for women seen as more suitable for women
- when selecting their university courses when choosing university courses
- This paradigm of thought This way of thinking
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response directly answers both parts through a coherent explanation of gender stereotypes and a well-developed educational solution, with effective examples and consistently clear progression. Its main limitation is occasional slightly awkward or repetitive phrasing around gender disparity and stereotypes. The best refinement would be to vary these expressions and sharpen a few collocations while preserving the essay’s focused reasoning and controlled sentence structures.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both the cause and proposed remedy are directly addressed, logically developed, and supported by relevant examples of subject choice, seminars, and mentoring.
For even greater depth, briefly explain how the proposed programmes could produce measurable changes in university enrolment.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay is clearly organised into focused paragraphs, and ideas progress smoothly through well-managed referencing and cohesive devices.
Reduce minor repetition of key phrases such as gender stereotypes and gender disparity by using concise referencing where the connection is already clear.
Lexical Resource
A wide and precise academic vocabulary conveys the argument effectively, with only occasional awkward choices such as stimulating academic interests and awkward gender gap.
Refine the few unnatural collocations while retaining the strong range of topic-specific vocabulary.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is used accurately and flexibly, with punctuation and sentence control maintained throughout.
Polish occasional wordy clause openings, such as That is to say that, to make the already accurate syntax more concise.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
In most science courses at university, there are significantly more male students than female students. What is the reason for this? What could be done to balance out the numbers?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.