In schools and universities, girls tend to choose arts while boys like science. What are the reasons for this trend and do you think this tendency should be changed?
Sample Response
The field of science has been dominated by men for generations and as for humanities, the gender ratio tends to be in the favour of women. Although various factors have facilitated this trend for centuries, I believe a change in such societal norms is a healthy and necessary transformation.
This tendency among boys to opt for subjects that are more science-oriented whereas the majority of girls seemingly choose liberal arts when deciding the core subjects is a result of several complicated reasons. The origin of this phenomenon can be traced back to the ideologies of certain bigoted segments of society who believe that men are more competent in the realms of science and even commerce whereas women are better suited for domesticated disciplines. Furthermore, due to such shallow beliefs in society and the lack of support, students are often obligated to follow the majority and give up on their interests.
In my opinion, there is a serious need to alter such narrow-minded perspectives among people, especially parents, as they serve as a limitation for countless students. The repercussions of this habit can be observed in the condition of engineering graduates in the present day, where a sizable chunk of engineering degree holders are either unemployed or are looking for a change in their careers.
Finally, I would like to conclude by saying that the gender of an individual is in no way an indicator of the potential and capabilities of that person. We must open our minds and adopt a more liberal viewpoint on things because our judgement and beliefs affect others more than we can fathom.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural comparison Original: as for humanities Suggested revision: in the humanities Why it matters: This prepositional phrase expresses the contrast more naturally and precisely.
- 2. Remove unnecessary article Original: in the favour of women Suggested revision: in favour of women Why it matters: The fixed expression is 'in favour of' without an article.
- 3. Use precise preposition Original: in Suggested revision: to Why it matters: 'A change to' more clearly indicates that the norms themselves should be altered.
- 4. Clarify source of belief Original: can be traced back to the ideologies of Suggested revision: can be traced to the beliefs held by Why it matters: The revision creates a clearer and more natural link between the people and their beliefs.
- 5. Correct word choice Original: domesticated disciplines Suggested revision: domestic roles Why it matters: 'Domesticated' normally describes animals or plants, while 'domestic roles' conveys the intended meaning.
- 6. Use concise phrasing Original: serve as a limitation for countless students Suggested revision: limit countless students Why it matters: The direct verb expresses the same idea more clearly and concisely.
- 7. Clarify the reference Original: repercussions of this habit Suggested revision: consequences of this tendency Why it matters: 'This tendency' refers back more precisely to gender-based subject choices than 'this habit'.
- 8. Improve collocation Original: condition of engineering graduates Suggested revision: situation faced by engineering graduates Why it matters: 'Situation faced by' is a more natural collocation for describing graduates' employment circumstances.
- 9. Use formal register Original: chunk Suggested revision: proportion Why it matters: 'Proportion' is more precise and appropriately formal for an academic essay.
- 10. Keep structure parallel Original: are either unemployed or are looking Suggested revision: are either unemployed or looking Why it matters: The two alternatives should share the initial auxiliary verb for parallel structure.
- 11. Sentence rewrite Original: This tendency among boys to opt for subjects that are more science-oriented whereas the majority of girls seemingly choose liberal arts when deciding the core subjects is a result of several complicated reasons. Suggested revision: Boys' tendency to choose science-oriented subjects, whereas most girls seemingly choose liberal arts as their core subjects, results from several complex factors. Why it matters: The rewrite resolves the overloaded subject and makes the contrast grammatically clear.
- 12. Sentence rewrite Original: Furthermore, due to such shallow beliefs in society and the lack of support, students are often obligated to follow the majority and give up on their interests. Suggested revision: Furthermore, because of these narrow beliefs and a lack of support, students are often pressured to follow the majority and abandon their own interests. Why it matters: The revision makes the cause-and-effect relationship clearer while preserving the original claim.
Suggested Rewrites
- as for humanities in the humanities
- in the favour of women in favour of women
- in to
- can be traced back to the ideologies of can be traced to the beliefs held by
- domesticated disciplines domestic roles
- serve as a limitation for countless students limit countless students
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response takes a clear position and uses a strong range of language to explain how social expectations shape subject choices. Its main limitation is that the case for change relies on a somewhat indirect example about dissatisfied engineering graduates, so the argument is less fully developed than it could be. Prioritise a specific explanation of how changing expectations would benefit individual students and society.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both questions are answered clearly, and the reasons are relevant, although the supporting example for change is only partly convincing.
Develop the benefits of changing gendered expectations with a direct, specific example linked to students' choices.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through a clear introduction, reasons, opinion, and conclusion, with generally effective paragraphing and linking.
Give the third paragraph a more fully developed internal progression from claim to explanation and consequence.
Lexical Resource
A broad and confident vocabulary conveys nuanced ideas, though several choices such as 'domesticated disciplines' sound imprecise or unnatural.
Prefer precise, natural collocations when describing academic fields and social attitudes.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is handled with strong control, and the few awkward constructions do not impede meaning.
Refine the structure of long comparative sentences so modifiers and contrasts attach more cleanly to their subjects.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
In schools and universities, girls tend to choose arts while boys like science. What are the reasons for this trend and do you think this tendency should be changed?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.