Traditionally women play the role of upbringing their children while men work outside to earn money for the family. Some people argue that women make the better parent than man and that’s why they should play the greater role in upbringing children. Others, however, say that men can be as good as women in parenting. What is your point of view on this issue?
Sample Response
Raising children in any society is influenced by their own values and cultures. Restlessness traditional world viewer, think and see that the women are the dominant person in taking care of their children. However, in modern society, women and men are equalwomen and men as an equal in taking partto taking their part in raising childrenraising up the children.
Traditionally, people expect womenexhort the women to take primary responsibility for nursing and educating their children. Women playtake a crucial role in raising childrengrowing the kids until they are old enoughto being an enough older. Meanwhile, men pay more attentionthe man pays more attentions to providing necessitieson fulfilling goods for the family members. Men haveMen are the person with superior power in making decisions in the family and women are powerless and follow men's decisionsthe decision of men. Women cannot be involvedShe can not involve in voicing their opinionsin voted her voices in making decisionson taking a decision, insteadotherwise, she only focuses on caring for and raising their childrentaking care and growing their children.
Furthermore, modern people show that taking care of their children is older people want to. Both men and womenBoth of men and women have the willingness to support young peoplethe young person to become responsible adultsto become a man and a woman. The men not only give the authorities to the women to being a single fighter in to provide kids needed, but he is also actively involved in raising their children.
To sum up, take car and guardian the kids not only being as women responsibility, but men also involved actively in younger life development. From my point of view, both of them, men and women have equal responsibility for taking care of and raising their children. Men and women have the same position in making decision in their family as well as in helping their kids for a better life in the future.
Why this response received Band 5.0
The response establishes an understandable view that both parents should share responsibility and uses a recognisable introduction-body-conclusion structure. However, the supporting ideas are thin and frequently obscured by inaccurate word choices and persistent sentence-level errors, so the argument is difficult to follow in places. The priority is to build each main idea through short, controlled sentences with clear subjects, accurate verb forms, and relevant explanation.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response gives a clear overall opinion and addresses traditional and modern parenting roles, but its main ideas remain limited and sometimes unclear.
Develop one specific reason why fathers and mothers can parent equally, then support it with a clear example or consequence.
Coherence and Cohesion
Paragraphing and basic signposting create a recognisable sequence, although unclear sentences and weak internal links disrupt progression.
Give each body paragraph one controlling idea and connect every following sentence directly to that idea.
Lexical Resource
There is some relevant topic vocabulary, but frequent inaccurate collocations and word choices often make the intended meaning difficult to identify.
Prioritise accurate common phrases such as 'share responsibility', 'make decisions', and 'raise children' before attempting less familiar expressions.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response attempts varied sentence structures, but persistent errors in agreement, verb forms, articles, and sentence construction frequently reduce clarity.
Write shorter sentences with one clear subject and verb, then check agreement and verb form before combining ideas.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Traditionally women play the role of upbringing their children while men work outside to earn money for the family. Some people argue that women make the better parent than man and that’s why they should play the greater role in upbringing children. Others, however, say that men can be as good as women in parenting. What is your point of view on this issue?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.