Fresh water has always been a limited resource in some parts of the world. Today, however, growing worldwide demand has made this a global problem. What are the causes of the increased demand? What measures could governments and individuals take to respond to this problem?
Sample Response
Fresh water, which is vital for the survival of humans and other flora and fauna, has always been a scarce natural resource on our planet, and this has been more acute in dried parts of the world. Due to rapid population growth and industrialisation, scarcity of this valuable resource has become a global issue. In this essay, I shall outline the main factors that have contributed to this problem and then elicit certain steps that can be taken to address this problem.
Regarding the reasons for the increasing demands for fresh water, population explosion is perhaps the most contributing factor. It is only natural that an inflated global population means more demand for freshwater - without which we can not live. Rapid industrialisation has also increased the demand for salt-free water. For instance, millions of cars are being produced every year, and a startling amount of fresh water is required in the process. Finally, urbanisation, human activities and industrialisation have polluted many natural fresh water reserves and have compounded the graveness of this issue.
As for the solutions to this intense and looming issue, strict legislation for preserving natural fresh water is required. No factories or industries should be allowed to carry on activities that poss threats to making freshwater sources polluted. Moreover, to reverse the already polluted reservoirs, the government should enact infrastructures for purification of them. More scientific experiments and research are required to convert seawater into saline-free water, which, I believe, will help in meeting the growing requirement of freshwater. Similarly, ordinary people can also contribute towards this noble cause by conserving water and also by limiting their daily household water usage. They should also refrain from performing activities that will pollute natural freshwater reserves.
In conclusion, fresh water is a limited resource without which we can not survive. This is why both the authorities and individuals should take every measure to save the already inadequate resource and find ways to purify seawater into freshwater.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use correct geographic term Original: dried parts of the world Suggested revision: arid parts of the world Why it matters: 'Arid' describes regions with very little water, whereas 'dried' suggests something has been deliberately dried.
- 2. Correct verb choice Original: elicit certain steps Suggested revision: propose specific measures Why it matters: 'Propose' is the appropriate verb for presenting measures in an essay.
- 3. Use uncountable demand Original: increasing demands for fresh water Suggested revision: increasing demand for fresh water Why it matters: 'Demand' is uncountable when referring generally to the need for a resource.
- 4. Correct superlative phrase Original: most contributing factor Suggested revision: largest contributing factor Why it matters: 'Largest contributing factor' is the natural superlative expression.
- 5. Use neutral description Original: inflated global population Suggested revision: larger global population Why it matters: 'Larger' states the increase precisely without the unintended connotations of 'inflated'.
- 6. Join cannot Original: can not live Suggested revision: cannot live Why it matters: The standard spelling of the negative modal here is one word.
- 7. Use proper dash Original: freshwater - without Suggested revision: freshwater—without Why it matters: An em dash without surrounding spaces correctly marks the parenthetical break.
- 8. Use consistent term Original: salt-free water Suggested revision: fresh water Why it matters: 'Fresh water' is the standard term and remains consistent with the task wording.
- 9. Use natural noun Original: graveness of this issue Suggested revision: severity of this issue Why it matters: 'Severity' is the natural academic noun for the seriousness of a problem.
- 10. Correct infrastructure collocation Original: enact infrastructures Suggested revision: develop infrastructure Why it matters: Infrastructure is developed or built, while laws are enacted.
- 11. Clarify pronoun structure Original: for purification of them Suggested revision: to purify them Why it matters: The infinitive gives the purpose directly and avoids the awkward stacked noun phrase.
- 12. Remove redundant pairing Original: scientific experiments and research are required Suggested revision: scientific research is required Why it matters: 'Research' already covers the experimental work, so the singular construction is clearer.
Suggested Rewrites
- dried parts of the world arid parts of the world
- elicit certain steps propose specific measures
- increasing demands for fresh water increasing demand for fresh water
- most contributing factor largest contributing factor
- inflated global population larger global population
- can not live cannot live
Why this response received Band 7.5
The response addresses both parts of the task clearly, offering a well-organised range of causes and practical actions for governments and individuals. Its main weakness is that several lexical choices and constructions are unnatural or imprecise, and one cause partly concerns reduced supply rather than increased demand; the highest-priority improvement is to sharpen causal distinctions and edit collocations for accuracy.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
Both the causes and the requested government and individual measures are covered with relevant, generally well-developed support.
Distinguish factors that increase demand from those that reduce usable supply, and deepen the explanation of one proposed measure.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response progresses clearly from context to causes, solutions, and conclusion, with effective paragraphing and referencing overall.
Reduce formulaic transitions and tighten a few long sentences so relationships between claims are even more precise.
Lexical Resource
The writer uses a good range of topic-specific vocabulary, but several spelling and collocational errors weaken accuracy.
Revise combinations such as 'dried parts', 'enact infrastructures', and 'purification of them' into natural academic English.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A varied range of complex structures is generally controlled, although several malformed phrases and agreement choices remain noticeable.
Proofread noun phrases, relative clauses, and passive constructions, especially where several ideas are compressed into one sentence.