Fresh water has always been a limited resource in some parts of the world. Today, however, growing worldwide demand has made this a global problem. What are the causes of the increased demand? What measures could governments and individuals take to respond to this problem?
Sample Response
Nonsalaine pure water, also known as freshwater, has been a limited resource in some regions for centuries. However, due to the increasing need worldwide, it has become a global issue. In this essay, I shall examine the reasons for the increased demand and the steps that governments and individuals can take to tackle this problem.
One of the primary reasons for the increased demand for freshwater is population growth. As more people inhabit the planet, the demand for water increases correspondingly. In addition, economic growth and industrialization have led to an increased demand for water in many parts of the world. Agricultural activities and the production of energy also require vast amounts of water. To cite an example, the manufacturing of cars has grown steadily over the years, and each car requires around 40 thousand gallons of water to be manufactured. This is a huge amount of water that is required in the automobile sector. Now if we consider the agriculture and garments sector, the amount would be simply overwhelming.
Governments and individuals must take appropriate measures to address this problem. One of the most critical steps is the conservation of freshwater. Governments can promote water conservation by implementing laws that regulate water usage, such as restrictions on water-intensive industries and practices. They can also invest in water-saving technologies and infrastructure such as water treatment plants and efficient irrigation systems. Individuals, on the other hand, can take actions such as fixing leaks, reducing their usage, and recycling wastewater. Public awareness campaigns can be conducted to inform people about the importance of freshwater conservation.
Another measure that can be taken is the development of alternative sources of freshwater. Governments can invest in desalination plants, which convert seawater into freshwater. Additionally, they can promote rainwater harvesting and groundwater recharge. Individuals can also play a role in the development of alternative sources of freshwater by installing rainwater harvesting systems in their homes.
In conclusion, the global freshwater crisis is a pressing issue that requires immediate action. Governments and individuals alike must work together to conserve and develop alternative sources of freshwater to ensure that we have access to this vital resource for generations to come.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Fix noun forms Original: the agriculture and garments sector Suggested revision: the agricultural and garment sectors Why it matters: The coordinated modifiers and plural noun must agree with the two industries.
- 2. Clarify the object Original: reducing their usage Suggested revision: reducing their water use Why it matters: The revision states explicitly what individuals should reduce.
- 3. Fix faulty coordination Original: to conserve and develop alternative sources of freshwater Suggested revision: to conserve freshwater and develop alternative sources Why it matters: Freshwater itself is conserved, whereas alternative sources are developed.
- 4. Use precise phrasing Original: the increasing need worldwide Suggested revision: rising global demand Why it matters: This phrase expresses the worldwide increase more directly and naturally.
- 5. Use natural wording Original: inhabit the planet Suggested revision: live on the planet Why it matters: People normally ‘live on’ rather than ‘inhabit’ the planet in this context.
- 6. Clarify the link Original: correspondingly Suggested revision: accordingly Why it matters: ‘Accordingly’ more clearly marks the resulting rise in demand.
- 7. Simplify the transition Original: To cite an example Suggested revision: For example Why it matters: The shorter transition introduces the illustration more naturally.
- 8. Use standard collocation Original: the manufacturing of cars Suggested revision: car manufacturing Why it matters: ‘Car manufacturing’ is the more natural collocation for this industry.
- 9. Format the number Original: 40 thousand Suggested revision: 40,000 Why it matters: A comma is conventionally used in a four-digit number written in figures.
- 10. Use formal wording Original: a huge amount Suggested revision: a substantial amount Why it matters: ‘Substantial’ gives the same meaning in a more formal register.
- 11. Tighten cause sequence Suggested revision: Group the population, industrial, agricultural, and energy causes before moving to the manufacturing example. Why it matters: A clearer general-to-specific sequence would strengthen progression through the causes.
- 12. Separate actor roles Suggested revision: Present government measures together first, then use a clear transition to the actions individuals can take. Why it matters: A more explicit division between the two actors would make the paragraph easier to follow.
Suggested Rewrites
- the agriculture and garments sector the agricultural and garment sectors
- reducing their usage reducing their water use
- to conserve and develop alternative sources of freshwater to conserve freshwater and develop alternative sources
- the increasing need worldwide rising global demand
- inhabit the planet live on the planet
- correspondingly accordingly
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response addresses both parts directly, develops a relevant range of causes and measures, and maintains a clear progression from the problem to practical responses. Its main limitation is occasional imprecision or awkwardness in word choice, especially in the opening definition and some sector-based examples; refining collocations and making supporting evidence more exact would make an already strong argument more authoritative.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
Both the causes of rising demand and government and individual responses are fully addressed with relevant, extended support.
Make the industrial examples more precise and verifiable so that each supporting detail strengthens the argument convincingly.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through well-focused paragraphs, with cohesive devices used clearly and unobtrusively throughout.
Reduce minor repetition of key terms such as freshwater and water by using tighter referencing where the meaning remains clear.
Lexical Resource
A broad topic-specific vocabulary conveys complex ideas effectively, though several collocations and formulations are imprecise or awkward.
Replace phrases such as Nonsalaine pure water and garments sector with accurate, natural collocations suited to formal academic writing.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex sentence structures is handled with strong control, and the few errors do not impede communication.
Polish occasional agreement and parallelism issues, particularly where singular and plural sector labels are coordinated.