Some believe that global warming is the most pressing environmental problem which we have at the moment; others believe that deforestation has a more devastating impact on our world. To what extent you agree or disagree with the statement?
Sample Response
Ever since the dawn of industrialisation, world’s environment has been changing in a drastic manner. Many of these changes are of negative nature. Some argue that global warming is the most serious environmental issue that we deal with, while others contend deforestation has a much more damaging impact on the earth’s environment. Both sides of this debate will be analysed in this essay before a reasoned conclusion is drawn.
On the one hand, global warming has raised the average temperature of the Earth by several degrees over the last few centuries, which has a myriad of negative ramifications for the inhabitants of the planet earth. For example, the continual rising of sea levels has put cities such as London, UK and Rotterdam, Netherlands on the brink of being drowned by deluges. As a result, governments have to devise new measures to keep such disasters from wiping out these cities entirely. Hence, it is argued that global warming is the most serious problem our planet encounters.
On the other hand, many believe out of all the ecological problems, deforestation leaves the largest environmental footprint on Earth. For instance, each year thousands of trees are being cut down in China to fuel the furnaces in industries to support their economy, which in turn has disturbed the balance of carbon dioxide in the environment. Since carbon dioxide is a toxic gas, the respiratory problems in China have reached an exorbitant level in the recent decades. When looking at the discussion in this light, the devastating effects of deforestation are obvious.
Since both sides of this argument have indisputable virtues, it is impossible to say that one issue leads to more problems than the other. Thus, it is hoped that both the individuals and governments will take noticeable steps to counter the rising ecological hardships, this world is facing.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Add definite article Original: world’s environment Suggested revision: the world’s environment Why it matters: The possessive noun phrase requires the definite article in this context.
- 2. Use concise adverb Original: in a drastic manner Suggested revision: drastically Why it matters: The adverb expresses the same meaning more concisely.
- 3. Fix article usage Original: of negative nature Suggested revision: negative in nature Why it matters: The original phrase is missing an article and is less natural than this predicative form.
- 4. Add reporting conjunction Original: others contend deforestation has Suggested revision: others contend that deforestation has Why it matters: Including that makes the reported clause clearer and more natural.
- 5. Capitalise proper name Original: earth Suggested revision: Earth Why it matters: Earth is a proper name and should be capitalised here.
- 6. Fix noun collocation Original: continual rising Suggested revision: continuous rise Why it matters: Rise is the appropriate noun, and continuous describes the uninterrupted trend.
- 7. Clarify place names Original: London, UK and Rotterdam, Netherlands Suggested revision: London in the UK and Rotterdam in the Netherlands Why it matters: The prepositions and articles make the locations grammatically complete and unambiguous.
- 8. Use precise wording Original: on the brink of being drowned by deluges Suggested revision: at risk of being flooded Why it matters: Cities are flooded rather than drowned, and the revision states the risk directly.
- 9. Improve collocation Original: problem our planet encounters Suggested revision: problem facing our planet Why it matters: A problem facing a place is the more natural academic collocation.
- 10. Fix clause structure Original: many believe out of all the ecological problems Suggested revision: many believe that, of all the ecological problems, Why it matters: That introduces the reported clause, while commas correctly mark the inserted comparison phrase.
- 11. Use consistent tense Original: are being cut down Suggested revision: are cut down Why it matters: The simple present is more suitable for a repeated annual activity.
- 12. Fix pronoun agreement Original: their Suggested revision: its Why it matters: The pronoun refers to the singular country China and therefore should be singular.
Suggested Rewrites
- world’s environment the world’s environment
- in a drastic manner drastically
- of negative nature negative in nature
- others contend deforestation has others contend that deforestation has
- earth Earth
- continual rising continuous rise
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response is strongest in its clear four-paragraph progression and its willingness to compare the consequences of both environmental problems before reaching a definite, qualified conclusion. Its main limitation is that several supporting claims are scientifically questionable or insufficiently precise, which weakens the argument despite its relevance. Prioritise accurate causal explanations and revise awkward collocations and article use.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both environmental problems are addressed, supported with examples, and brought together in a clear conclusion that neither can be ranked decisively.
Use factually sound evidence and explain more precisely how each example demonstrates the relative severity of the two problems.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a clear overall sequence and each body paragraph develops one side, although some linking is formulaic.
Replace mechanical signposting and repeated mini-conclusions with smoother logical connections between claims, evidence, and comparison.
Lexical Resource
The response demonstrates a good range of environmental vocabulary, but several word choices and collocations are unnatural or imprecise.
Use more accurate phrasing for ideas currently expressed as “negative nature,” “drowned by deluges,” and “exorbitant level.”
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex sentences are attempted successfully and meaning remains clear, but article, modifier, and punctuation errors recur.
Review articles and sentence boundaries, particularly in phrases such as “world’s environment,” “the recent decades,” and the final comma splice.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some believe that global warming is the most pressing environmental problem which we have at the moment; others believe that deforestation has a more devastating impact on our world. To what extent you agree or disagree with the statement?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.