It has been said that the world is becoming a global village in which there are no boundaries to trade and communication. Do the benefits of globalisation outweigh the drawbacks?
Sample Response
Some people believe that boundaries between countries become less evident each year due to the rapid development of globalisation. Although this trend has some drawbacks, I would agree that the benefits of globalisation outweigh the drawbacks.
One the one hand, I believe that globalisation has many positive impacts on our life. Firstly, by globalisation business become increasingly international. Multinational companies tend to do more business across the world. So, they can produce products in some place and trade it in another. For example, McDonald's company opened many branches on every street across the world. Secondly, the globalisation offers more job opportunities to people in developing countries and encourage investment in it. By this, they fight poverty and low socioeconomic status. Finally, free trade between countries could strength the political relationships between countries and this may result in more peace and long friendship between them. Because of the free trade policy, many developing countries are now exporting goods to developed countries and that in terms of revenue generating is a huge sector. For instance, many Asian third world countries are generating their lion share of foreign currency reservation by exporting readymade garments. This has been possible only because of the globalisation.
On the other hand, globalisation is not beneficial to everyone. One problem is that globalisation could lead to increase redundancy and job loss in developed countries. Companies can move to developing countries where labour is cheap. Also, this associated with poor working and low salaries in developing countries. Another drawback is that globalisation can lead to increase waste production and pollution. This affects the human health negatively.
In conclusion, I would argue that the benefits of globalisation outweigh the negative impact. Also, there should be globalisation regulation for the salaries and the working environment and the government should impose laws to protect the environment from pollution.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Fix transition Original: One Suggested revision: On Why it matters: The standard contrastive linker begins with "On."
- 2. Fix opening clause Original: by globalisation business become Suggested revision: with globalisation, businesses become Why it matters: The preposition, comma, plural noun, and verb agreement are all required.
- 3. Use formal result Original: So Suggested revision: Therefore Why it matters: "Therefore" is a more formal result linker in an academic essay.
- 4. Use goods in country Original: products in some place Suggested revision: goods in one country Why it matters: This gives the production location a clear and natural expression.
- 5. Fix pronoun and verb Original: trade it in another Suggested revision: sell them in another Why it matters: The plural pronoun refers to goods, and "sell" expresses the intended action.
- 6. Remove article Original: the globalisation offers Suggested revision: globalisation offers Why it matters: The uncountable general concept does not take "the."
- 7. Fix agreement and reference Original: and encourage investment in it Suggested revision: and encourages investment in those countries Why it matters: The singular subject requires "encourages," and the plural reference is clearer.
- 8. Clarify causal link Original: By this, they fight Suggested revision: In this way, such opportunities can reduce Why it matters: The replacement identifies the mechanism and removes the unclear pronoun.
- 9. Use economic hardship Original: low socioeconomic status Suggested revision: economic hardship Why it matters: This is a clearer description of the social problem being reduced.
- 10. Use strengthen verb Original: strength Suggested revision: strengthen Why it matters: A modal verb must be followed by the base verb "strengthen."
- 11. Use political relations Original: relationships Suggested revision: relations Why it matters: "Political relations" is the established phrase between countries.
- 12. Use lasting cooperation Original: more peace and long friendship Suggested revision: greater peace and lasting cooperation Why it matters: The replacement uses natural comparative and diplomatic collocations.
Suggested Rewrites
- One On
- by globalisation business become with globalisation, businesses become
- So Therefore
- products in some place goods in one country
- trade it in another sell them in another
- the globalisation offers globalisation offers
Why this response received Band 6.5
The essay maintains a clear judgement that globalisation's benefits outweigh its costs and supports it with relevant discussion of trade, employment, labour conditions, and pollution. Its strongest content lies in the export example, but frequent grammatical and collocational errors weaken clarity and some causal claims remain broad; prioritise accurate sentence construction and a direct comparison explaining why the specified gains are greater than the identified harms.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both benefits and drawbacks are relevantly addressed, the position is consistent, and examples support the discussion, although the final weighing remains more asserted than demonstrated.
Explain explicitly why employment and trade gains outweigh job displacement and pollution, using scale, duration, or the possibility of regulation as comparative criteria.
Coherence and Cohesion
The four-paragraph structure and overall progression are clear, but enumeration is mechanical and some short or incomplete sentences interrupt the flow.
Link each example directly to its paragraph claim and combine related ideas without relying heavily on Firstly, Secondly, Finally, and Also.
Lexical Resource
There is sufficient range for trade, employment, and environmental effects, but frequent inaccurate word forms and collocations reduce control.
Use strengthen relationships, job losses, poor working conditions, foreign-currency earnings, and the largest share instead of the inaccurate existing forms.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of structures is attempted, but agreement, article, verb-pattern, and missing-auxiliary errors are frequent even though the main meaning remains clear.
Check subject–verb agreement and complete verb phrases, using businesses become, globalisation offers and encourages, and this is associated with.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
It has been said that the world is becoming a global village in which there are no boundaries to trade and communication. Do the benefits of globalisation outweigh the drawbacks?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.