As mass communication and transport continue to grow, societies are becoming more and more alike leading to a phenomenon known as globalization. Some people fear that globalization will inevitably lead to the total loss of cultural identity. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Sample Response
Mass communication and transport are growing at a faster rate and provide an opportunity to become a change in international globalisation. Because of this incredible growth we have to limit the world, able to reach people in a smaller span of time and can see and roam all over the globe. Some people think this change is not good for their culture and are strongly against to it. In my opinion, change plays a vital role in someone's growth. If we look at the history, we accepted many changes in our day to day life which made our life comfortable and easy to live. We are in the 21st century and we have a solution for almost everything. For example, a patient who is suffering from a severe disease and not getting a better treatment in one place, he would have the option to get treatment in another place, maybe in some other country. We get this information via internet, TV, news. This is how people are connected and helping each other to survive and excel in their life. Yet to another part of above, a culture can not be represented by the dress someone wears, the language what someone speaks, It’s just a lifestyle which is acceptable by someone and help lead their life all with happiness. Though the human has different characteristic but they have the same emotions and feelings towards their own family member. They can act differently in some situation but the pain and sorrows are almost same in all human being because that's God given. Therefore, I do not agree that mass communication and transport gives any negative impact on culture, it is someone's own perception and totally depends on them that what changes they like to embed in their life. Hence, criticising other culture and not giving human value can bring disaster and put us in soup.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove wrong preposition Original: against to it Suggested revision: against it Why it matters: “Against” does not take “to” before its object.
- 2. Remove article Original: look at the history Suggested revision: look at history Why it matters: “History” is used without an article when referring to the subject generally.
- 3. Use present perfect Original: we accepted many changes Suggested revision: we have accepted many changes Why it matters: The present perfect links past changes to their continuing effect on life now.
- 4. Use plural noun Original: life Suggested revision: lives Why it matters: The plural possessive “our” normally refers to the lives of multiple people.
- 5. Use comparative adjective Original: easy to live Suggested revision: easier Why it matters: The sentence compares present life with earlier life, so the comparative form is required.
- 6. Improve medical collocation Original: not getting a better treatment Suggested revision: not receiving effective treatment Why it matters: “Receive treatment” is the natural collocation, and “treatment” is uncountable here.
- 7. Clarify information sources Original: via internet, TV, news Suggested revision: via the internet, television and news reports Why it matters: The replacement supplies the required article and presents a clear parallel list.
- 8. Use parallel verbs Original: are connected and helping each other Suggested revision: connect and help each other Why it matters: The two coordinated verbs should use the same active form after “people”.
- 9. Use clear transition Original: Yet to another part of above Suggested revision: On another point Why it matters: The original transition is ungrammatical and does not clearly signal the next idea.
- 10. Use standard spelling Original: can not Suggested revision: cannot Why it matters: The standard spelling of this modal negative is one word.
- 11. Fix clause and punctuation Original: what someone speaks, It’s Suggested revision: someone speaks; it is Why it matters: The relative structure is incorrect, and a semicolon prevents a comma splice.
- 12. Use active construction Original: which is acceptable by someone Suggested revision: that someone accepts Why it matters: The active relative clause is grammatically clearer and more concise.
Suggested Rewrites
- against to it against it
- look at the history look at history
- we accepted many changes we have accepted many changes
- life lives
- easy to live easier
- not getting a better treatment not receiving effective treatment
Why this response received Band 5.0
The response maintains a generally identifiable disagreement and shows some ability to discuss globalization through examples of communication and mobility. However, much of the development concerns convenience, medical treatment, or shared human emotions rather than directly explaining why cultural identity will not be lost. The highest priority is to build a focused argument about cultural preservation, supported by relevant examples, while improving sentence control and word choice.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
A position against the claim is eventually clear, but the supporting discussion often drifts away from the question of total cultural loss.
Organise the argument around specific reasons cultural identity can survive globalization, such as traditions, education, or local institutions.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas follow a loose line from technological change to human similarity and the conclusion, but the single-block presentation and weak transitions limit progression.
Separate the response into an introduction, focused body paragraphs, and a conclusion, with each body paragraph advancing one reason for the position.
Lexical Resource
There is enough vocabulary to discuss communication, mobility, culture, and human experience, though awkward or inaccurate phrasing is frequent.
Replace vague or unnatural expressions with precise topic language such as cultural practices, local identity, global influence, and preservation.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response attempts varied and complex sentences, but frequent errors in agreement, articles, clauses, and punctuation reduce control and occasionally impede reading.
Write shorter complete sentences first, checking subject-verb agreement, article use, and clause boundaries before combining ideas.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
As mass communication and transport continue to grow, societies are becoming more and more alike leading to a phenomenon known as globalization. Some people fear that globalization will inevitably lead to the total loss of cultural identity. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.