Even though globalization affects the world’s economies in a very positive way, its negative side should not be forgotten. Discuss.
Sample Response
Globalization is such a commonly used term in the twentieth century. It simply means that the world has become integrated economically, socially, politically and culturally through the advances of technology, transportation and communication. It is undeniable that globalization has resulted in both positive and negative effects which must be addressed accordingly.
Secondly, several companies from the more developed countries have already ventured to establish foreign operations or branches to take advantage of the low cost of labor in the poorer countries. This kind of business activity will provide more influx of cash or investment funds into the less developed countries.
However, one cannot deny the negative effects which have derived from globalization. One crucial social aspect is the risk and danger of epidemic diseases which can easily be spread as the transportation becomes easier and faster in today’s advanced society. This is evidenced in the recent birds flu disease which has infected most Asian countries over a short period of time.
As large corporations invest or take over many offshore businesses, a modern form of colonization will also evolve which may pose certain power pressure on the local governments of the less developed countries. Unemployment rates in the more developed regions such as Europe may also escalate as corporations choose to outsource to the cheaper work force from Asian countries.
In conclusion. I like to reiterate that globalization is inevitable and we must urge individuals, companies and governments to use a more balanced approach by taking the appropriate steps to deal with matters relating to the financial or economical gains verses the social, political or ecological concerns of the world.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Fix preposition Original: of Suggested revision: in Why it matters: Advances takes in when referring to progress within a field.
- 2. Correct sequence marker Original: Secondly Suggested revision: First Why it matters: This is the first body point, so Secondly creates a false sequence.
- 3. Fix noun phrase Original: more influx of cash Suggested revision: a greater influx of cash Why it matters: The countable phrase needs an article and greater naturally modifies influx.
- 4. Correct causal phrasing Original: effects which have derived from Suggested revision: effects that have resulted from Why it matters: Effects result from a cause rather than derive from it in this construction.
- 5. Remove redundancy Original: risk and danger Suggested revision: risk Why it matters: Risk and danger duplicate the same meaning here.
- 6. Remove unnecessary article Original: as the transportation Suggested revision: as transportation Why it matters: Transportation is used as an uncountable general concept here.
- 7. Use standard term Original: birds flu disease Suggested revision: bird flu Why it matters: Bird flu is the conventional name and already denotes a disease.
- 8. Use natural collocation Original: pose certain power pressure on Suggested revision: exert political pressure on Why it matters: Exert pressure is the standard collocation for influence over governments.
- 9. Fix conditional phrasing Original: I like to reiterate Suggested revision: I would like to reiterate Why it matters: Would like is the conventional form for expressing this intention.
- 10. Choose correct adjective Original: economical Suggested revision: economic Why it matters: Economic describes matters relating to the economy, while economical means cost-saving.
- 11. Correct contrast word Original: verses Suggested revision: versus Why it matters: Versus is the correct word for a contrast between two sets of concerns.
- 12. Use concise verb Original: ventured to establish Suggested revision: established Why it matters: Established expresses the completed business action more directly.
Suggested Rewrites
- of in
- Secondly First
- more influx of cash a greater influx of cash
- effects which have derived from effects that have resulted from
- risk and danger risk
- as the transportation as transportation
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response discusses both benefits and drawbacks of globalization with a clear position, relevant examples, and generally logical paragraph progression. Its main limitation is uneven development: the economic benefit receives only brief treatment, while several lexical choices and a few sentence-level errors reduce precision. The highest priority is to develop the positive side more fully and edit collocations, word forms, and punctuation for consistently accurate expression.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response addresses positive and negative effects with a clear balanced conclusion, though the single benefit is less fully developed than the drawbacks.
Extend the economic benefit with a clearer explanation of its wider consequences so both sides receive convincing development.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through focused paragraphs and cohesive devices are generally effective, despite the unexplained opening linker and a few abrupt transitions.
Ensure every sequencing marker matches the surrounding structure and strengthen the link between the positive and negative sections.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a good range of topic-specific and less common vocabulary, with several noticeable collocation, word-form, and spelling lapses.
Edit combinations such as descriptions of investment, disease, and political pressure, and distinguish easily confused word forms.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A range of complex structures is used with generally good control, although article use, punctuation, and a few clause constructions contain errors.
Proofread sentence boundaries and articles, especially in the conclusion and complex relative-clause sentences.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Even though globalization affects the world’s economies in a very positive way, its negative side should not be forgotten. Discuss.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.