Even though globalization affects the world’s economies in a positive way, its negative side should not be forgotten. Discuss.
Sample Response
In the present age, globalization is playing an increasingly important role in our lives. But in the meantime whether it is a blessing or a curse has sparked a heated debate. Some people argue that globalization has a fundamentally beneficial influence on our lives, while many others contend that it has a detrimental effect as well.
Admittedly, the profit driven side of globalization has severely affected young people. Today, in the metropolises in different countries, it is very common to see teenagers wearing NIKE T-shirts and Adidas footwear, playing Hip-Hop music on Apple iPods and eating at KFC. The culture that took a thousand years to form just seems similar in these cities; it seems as though you can only distinguish them by their language. Meanwhile, in some developing countries, sweat workshops are always a concerning issue. For instance, reports show that some teenagers employed by NIKE’s contractors work in smelly factories over 14 hours a day, but are only paid fifty cents per hour.
To sum up, I would concede that globalization does come with some adverse effects. Despite that fact, benefits created by it far outweigh the disadvantages. Overall, I am convinced that we should further promote globalization and meanwhile the local government should take measures to combat culture assimilation and sweat workshops.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural location phrase Original: in the metropolises in different countries Suggested revision: in cities across different countries Why it matters: This phrasing expresses the geographical comparison more naturally.
- 2. Correct music collocation Original: playing Hip-Hop music on Apple iPods Suggested revision: listening to hip-hop music on Apple iPods Why it matters: People normally listen to music on a personal music player.
- 3. Improve cultural phrasing Original: took a thousand years to form Suggested revision: took thousands of years to develop Why it matters: Cultures are more naturally described as developing over time.
- 4. Clarify degree of similarity Original: just seems similar Suggested revision: seems increasingly similar Why it matters: The revision states the perceived trend more precisely.
- 5. Use correct term Original: sweat workshops are always a concerning issue Suggested revision: sweatshops are a persistent concern Why it matters: The correct term is “sweatshops,” and “persistent concern” is the natural collocation.
- 6. Add duration preposition Original: factories over 14 hours a day Suggested revision: factories for over 14 hours a day Why it matters: The preposition “for” is required before a duration.
- 7. Clarify pronoun reference Original: benefits created by it Suggested revision: the benefits it creates Why it matters: The active form gives the pronoun a clearer grammatical role.
- 8. Improve clause connection Original: and meanwhile the local government Suggested revision: while governments Why it matters: “While” links the simultaneous recommendations cleanly, and the plural noun matches the global context.
- 9. Use adjective form Original: culture Suggested revision: cultural Why it matters: The adjective “cultural” is required to modify “assimilation.”
- 10. Correct labour term Original: sweat workshops. Suggested revision: sweatshops. Why it matters: “Sweatshop” is the correct word for an exploitative workplace.
- 11. Clarify affected group Original: severely affected young people Suggested revision: had severe effects on young people Why it matters: The revision expresses the effect more naturally without changing the claim.
- 12. Use concise emphasis Original: very common Suggested revision: common Why it matters: “Common” already conveys frequency, so “very” adds little precision.
Suggested Rewrites
- in the metropolises in different countries in cities across different countries
- playing Hip-Hop music on Apple iPods listening to hip-hop music on Apple iPods
- took a thousand years to form took thousands of years to develop
- just seems similar seems increasingly similar
- sweat workshops are always a concerning issue sweatshops are a persistent concern
- factories over 14 hours a day factories for over 14 hours a day
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response uses specific examples and a strong vocabulary range to explain cultural homogenisation and exploitative labour. However, it is under length and discusses only negative effects, while its conclusion claims that benefits predominate without developing any positive case. The highest-priority improvement is to add a fully explained paragraph on economic benefits and then compare both sides to support the final position.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response develops two relevant disadvantages and states a position, but it omits discussion of the positive effects that its conclusion endorses.
Add a developed positive argument and explicitly weigh it against the cultural and labour disadvantages before concluding.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction, focused body discussion, and conclusion progress clearly, with cohesive links guiding the reader through the negative examples.
Use separate body paragraphs for the cultural and labour impacts so that each main idea has a more distinct progression.
Lexical Resource
A broad and often precise vocabulary conveys complex ideas effectively, although a few collocations such as “sweat workshops” and “culture assimilation” are inaccurate.
Replace inaccurate combinations with natural forms such as “sweatshops” and “cultural assimilation,” while retaining the existing range.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Varied complex structures are generally controlled and meaning remains clear, despite occasional awkward clause construction and article use.
Edit the opening and conclusion for smoother clause linking and more consistent article use.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Even though globalization affects the world’s economies in a positive way, its negative side should not be forgotten. Discuss.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.