Globalization has many positive effects on world’s economy but the negative effects of it cannot be forgotten. What is your viewpoint on this topic?
Sample Response
Today Globalization has invaded the society and it directly affects the economy of every country of the world. The connection between globalisation and economy is not an exceptional topic to have two sides. The social media is one of the main areas which affect world's economy today. As a result of this culture, there are online businesses that have started and the people who are engaging in those kinds of earnings have become the millionaires of the world today. The owner of Facebook Mark Zuckerberg is the main icon in social media. Other than that, individuals who run eBay, amazon, etc. are maintaining their online shopping in the globe today by having lots of profits each day. Furthermore, today multinational companies are established and they provide their services to the world with ease of globalisation. They carry out their main financial transactions using the most developed telecommunication technologies. For an example, their banking needs are fulfilled very easily using internet banking which is a major way of developing the economy of a country. Not only that, Education and Health sectors also cannot be forgotten. Today, students can learn over the web and sit for the exams online. Doctors do not need to be at a particular hospital to treat their patients. They can provide consultancy over the phone or most probably over the video conference call. The above-mentioned factors reduce costs of travelling, daily expenses and even it is more comfortable to the both parties. But unfortunately, there are some drawbacks of getting the world together and transparent to the others who live in another part of the world. Mostly the children use social media get addicted to the abnormal habits of being in front of the computer all the day which made them physically and mentally differently-able. In the worst case, they may end up with drug use and even commit suicide. This factor mainly affects the economy of the country negatively. In conclusion, although there are concerns with the globalisation to children, most of the countries in the world get benefits because of that. But we must attend to the effect of the economy based on the children and made the world a better place with globalisation for each and every human being in the world.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Fix opening punctuation Original: Today Globalization Suggested revision: Today, globalisation Why it matters: The introductory adverb needs a comma, and a common noun is not capitalised.
- 2. Use an accurate verb Original: has invaded the society Suggested revision: has permeated society Why it matters: “Invaded” is an unnatural and overly hostile collocation for globalisation's social reach.
- 3. Correct the preposition Original: of Suggested revision: in Why it matters: The idiomatic geographical phrase uses “in the world.”
- 4. Add the article Original: globalisation and economy Suggested revision: globalisation and the economy Why it matters: The general economic system takes the definite article in this phrase.
- 5. Express the contrast clearly Original: is not an exceptional topic to have two sides Suggested revision: is a subject with both advantages and disadvantages Why it matters: The original collocation is unclear and does not identify the two sides.
- 6. Remove the article Original: The social media Suggested revision: Social media Why it matters: “Social media” is used without “the” when referring to the medium generally.
- 7. Name the influence accurately Original: one of the main areas which affect Suggested revision: one of the main forces that affect Why it matters: A medium that influences the economy is better described as a force than an area.
- 8. Clarify the reference Original: culture Suggested revision: development Why it matters: The preceding growth of social media is a development, not a culture.
- 9. Use an active construction Original: there are online businesses that have started Suggested revision: new online businesses have emerged Why it matters: The revision removes the awkward existential construction and intransitive use of “started.”
- 10. Describe business activity Original: engaging in those kinds of earnings Suggested revision: involved in such enterprises Why it matters: People engage in enterprises, whereas “earnings” refers to the money received.
- 11. Avoid the definite claim Original: the millionaires of the world today Suggested revision: some of today's millionaires Why it matters: The original definite phrase incorrectly suggests that all current millionaires belong to this group.
- 12. Punctuate the apposition Original: The owner of Facebook Mark Zuckerberg Suggested revision: Facebook's founder, Mark Zuckerberg, Why it matters: The person's name is a non-essential appositive and needs commas.
Suggested Rewrites
- Today Globalization Today, globalisation
- has invaded the society has permeated society
- of in
- globalisation and economy globalisation and the economy
- is not an exceptional topic to have two sides is a subject with both advantages and disadvantages
- The social media Social media
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response offers several relevant examples of global connectivity supporting business, banking, education, and healthcare, and it ultimately expresses a broadly positive viewpoint. Its main limitation is an unfocused and weakly supported negative case, especially the abrupt claims linking children's social-media use to disability, drugs, suicide, and national economic harm. Prioritise a clear position and two balanced, logically evidenced economic effects.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Relevant benefits are identified, but the viewpoint emerges late and the negative economic effects are narrow, exaggerated, and insufficiently explained.
State a clear overall judgement early and develop one credible economic benefit and one credible economic cost with causal support.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response has a broad benefits-to-drawbacks progression, but the single dense block, repetitive transitions, and abrupt topic shifts weaken coherence.
Use an introduction, separate benefit and drawback paragraphs, and a concise conclusion that directly weighs the two sides.
Lexical Resource
There is enough vocabulary to discuss technology and the economy, but frequent misuse and repetition make many expressions imprecise.
Replace phrases such as invaded society, maintaining online shopping, and getting the world transparent with accurate economic language.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Frequent errors in articles, agreement, clauses, word forms, and sentence construction reduce control, although the main ideas remain understandable.
Build shorter complete clauses and check subject-verb agreement, especially in sentences about children, sectors, costs, and benefits.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Globalization has many positive effects on world’s economy but the negative effects of it cannot be forgotten. What is your viewpoint on this topic?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.