With a growing world population, one of the most pressing issues is feeding a huge population. Some people think that GM (Genetically Modified) foods offer a viable solution to this problem. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
The issue of addressing the global challenge of feeding a rapidly expanding population has spurred discussions about potential solutions, including the adoption of Genetically Modified (GM) foods. While some proponents argue that GM foods present a viable answer to this problem, I fundamentally disagree. The potential risks associated with GM foods and the availability of alternative sustainable approaches make me sceptical about their efficacy as a long-term solution.
To begin with, Genetically Modified foods often involve the manipulation of organisms' genetic makeup to enhance desirable traits, such as increased crop yield or resistance to pests. While this may seem promising in theory, the unintended consequences of genetic modification could pose significant risks to human health and the environment. For instance, allergens or toxins could be inadvertently introduced into GM crops, leading to adverse effects on consumers. The release of genetically modified organisms into the environment could also disrupt natural ecosystems and harm biodiversity.
Additionally, the push for GM foods detracts attention and resources from more sustainable and holistic agricultural practices that have the potential to address food security challenges without compromising safety. Agroecological approaches, such as crop rotation, agroforestry, and integrated pest management, offer environmentally friendly alternatives to intensive monocultures and chemical-based farming. These methods promote soil health, water conservation, and biodiversity, all of which are crucial for ensuring the long-term sustainability of food production.
In conclusion, while the growing global population necessitates innovative solutions for food security, I am opposed to the idea that GM foods offer a viable remedy. The potential risks to human health and the environment, coupled with the availability of more sustainable agricultural practices, make me doubtful about the long-term efficacy of genetically modified foods. Instead of relying solely on GM foods, it is imperative to explore diverse and sustainable approaches that prioritize both human well-being and the planet's health.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Make opening concise Original: The issue of addressing the global challenge of feeding a rapidly expanding population Suggested revision: Feeding a rapidly expanding global population Why it matters: This revision expresses the same idea more directly and avoids an unnecessarily abstract opening.
- 2. Use natural collocation Original: spurred discussions Suggested revision: prompted debate Why it matters: This is a more natural and precise collocation for a contested public issue.
- 3. Choose precise wording Original: present a viable answer Suggested revision: offer a viable solution Why it matters: A solution is more precise than an answer when referring to a practical response to food insecurity.
- 4. Remove redundancy Original: alternative sustainable approaches Suggested revision: sustainable alternatives Why it matters: The revision removes overlapping wording while preserving the contrast with GM foods.
- 5. Use lowercase modifiers Original: To begin with, Genetically Modified foods Suggested revision: To begin with, genetically modified foods Why it matters: The common descriptive term does not require internal capital letters.
- 6. Improve number collocation Original: increased crop yield Suggested revision: higher crop yields Why it matters: The plural count noun and comparative adjective form a more natural general collocation.
- 7. Correct verb collocation Original: detracts Suggested revision: diverts Why it matters: Divert is the appropriate verb for redirecting both attention and resources.
- 8. Streamline preposition pattern Original: for Suggested revision: to Why it matters: The revised preposition pattern is more concise while retaining the same meaning.
- 9. Use natural stance phrase Original: make me doubtful about Suggested revision: lead me to question Why it matters: This phrasing states the writer's scepticism more naturally and directly.
- 10. Tighten paragraph progression Suggested revision: State the contrast with GM foods once, then present the alternative practices before grouping their shared benefits. Why it matters: This ordering would reduce repetition and make the movement from alternatives to benefits easier to follow.
Suggested Rewrites
- The issue of addressing the global challenge of feeding a rapidly expanding population Feeding a rapidly expanding global population
- spurred discussions prompted debate
- present a viable answer offer a viable solution
- alternative sustainable approaches sustainable alternatives
- To begin with, Genetically Modified foods To begin with, genetically modified foods
- increased crop yield higher crop yields
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response presents a clear, consistently maintained position and supports it with two well-developed, relevant lines of argument, using precise language and fluent paragraphing. Its main limitation is that the health and environmental risks remain somewhat general rather than being tested through a concrete, carefully qualified example; adding one specific illustration and acknowledging the strongest counterargument would make the case more persuasive and nuanced.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The position is direct and fully sustained through two relevant, well-developed arguments about risk and sustainable alternatives.
Strengthen the case further by testing the position against a plausible benefit of GM foods and responding to it explicitly.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically across well-focused paragraphs, and cohesive devices guide the reader without drawing undue attention.
Create an even tighter argumentative link between the risks of GM foods and the viability of the proposed alternatives.
Lexical Resource
A wide and precise vocabulary supports nuanced discussion of agriculture, health, and environmental sustainability.
Refine the few less natural collocations, such as using “diverts attention and resources” instead of “detracts attention and resources.”
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is used accurately and flexibly, with errors rare and non-impeding.
Maintain this control while varying sentence openings slightly more to make the prose feel still less patterned.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
With a growing world population, one of the most pressing issues is feeding a huge population. Some people think that GM (Genetically Modified) foods offer a viable solution to this problem. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.