Some people think that only governments can make significant changes in society, while others think that individuals can have a lot of influence. What is your opinion?
Sample Response
Alterations in the society can be brought by government and sometimes by individuals too, think people. However, it is true that society is made by every single person but controlled by government. Although individuals can make changes but the ideas and will of every person differ; therefore government not only has to spread the awareness among people but it also has to impose new laws, which everyone has to follow or is compelled to follow, in order to make society an excellent place to inhabit. Some people like to invest their own belongings to make their society better while some are reluctant just because they think the government should fulfill their needs particularly the basic ones. For instance, two persons living in a same street: one throws the garbage in the dustbin which he himself has planted outside his home. Other throws his garbage on the road of the same street and thinks that any government servant will come and clean the street. So, by these two opposite actions the society cannot be cleaned because the hard work of one person will go in vein just because of the action on another person. Government has the power to make people aware of things which harm and which are beneficial for the society. For example, government should spread the awareness through things like media and home to home surveys. This will reduce the negatives in society and increase the positives. In addition to the government's range of authority, government can duce new laws and can bound people to follow them. Like, if one's idea or will of benefiting society does not match another's idea then it does not matter because government wants them to follow what it wants them to follow. By doing this, opposition of one another will vanish. To conclude, despite individuals' clash in changing society, the government can make them do the same work which would be constructive for the sovereignty. I believe if citizens abide the laws which are promulgated my government then the society will be as clean as a whistle. written By: "M.H.KHAN." fb/twitter/instagram,etc: "mhkhanbangash"
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Correct phrasal verb Original: society is made by every single person Suggested revision: society is made up of every individual Why it matters: Made up of correctly expresses that individuals collectively constitute society.
- 2. Add article Original: controlled by government Suggested revision: controlled by the government Why it matters: Government requires the definite article when referring to the national institution.
- 3. Use natural collocation Original: fulfill Suggested revision: meet Why it matters: Meet their needs is the standard formal collocation.
- 4. Use natural plural Original: persons Suggested revision: people Why it matters: People is the normal plural of person in this context.
- 5. Fix article and preposition Original: in a same street Suggested revision: on the same street Why it matters: English uses on with street and the in the fixed phrase the same.
- 6. Choose accurate verb Original: the dustbin which he himself has planted Suggested revision: the bin that he has placed Why it matters: A bin is placed rather than planted, and the emphatic pronoun is unnecessary.
- 7. Add definite article Original: Other throws Suggested revision: The other throws Why it matters: The other is required when contrasting the second of two people.
- 8. Use precise noun phrase Original: any government servant Suggested revision: a government employee Why it matters: A government employee is a clearer and more natural reference to the intended worker.
- 9. Correct fixed expression Original: vein Suggested revision: vain Why it matters: The fixed expression meaning produce no result is go in vain.
- 10. Correct possessive relationship Original: action on another person Suggested revision: actions of the other person Why it matters: Of expresses whose actions caused the result, and the other identifies the contrasted person.
- 11. Restore parallel clauses Original: things which harm and which are beneficial Suggested revision: what is harmful and what is beneficial Why it matters: The revision gives both coordinated elements the same grammatical structure.
- 12. Use correct collocation Original: should spread the awareness Suggested revision: should raise awareness Why it matters: Raise awareness is the standard collocation and does not take the article.
Suggested Rewrites
- society is made by every single person society is made up of every individual
- controlled by government controlled by the government
- fulfill meet
- persons people
- in a same street on the same street
- the dustbin which he himself has planted the bin that he has placed
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response presents a consistent view that governments have the greatest capacity to improve society, and the street-cleaning example gives the argument a concrete focus. However, the discussion is repetitive and oversimplifies how public influence works, while frequent vocabulary and grammar errors weaken precision. Develop distinct reasons for governmental effectiveness and acknowledge the role individuals can still play, using clearer sentence structures throughout.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The opinion is clear and relevant support is provided, but the case for government action is repetitive and the individual perspective receives limited evaluation.
Develop two distinct reasons for the position and directly explain how individual influence compares with governmental power.
Coherence and Cohesion
The central argument is generally traceable, although progression is weakened by repetition, loose referencing, and mechanical linking.
Organise each body paragraph around one reason and use explicit logical links between the example, its consequence, and the main claim.
Lexical Resource
Some less common vocabulary is attempted, but frequent inaccurate word choices and collocations make parts of the argument awkward.
Choose familiar, precise terms for government action and social cooperation, and verify collocations before using more ambitious words.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Simple and complex forms are both attempted, but recurring errors in articles, agreement, punctuation, and clause formation limit accuracy.
Revise sentence by sentence for complete clauses, correct verb patterns, and accurate article and preposition use.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people think that only governments can make significant changes in society, while others think that individuals can have a lot of influence. What is your opinion?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.